Photo credit: "Sexy Legs" by Stacey
On Mondays, beginning today, I return to my roots as advice columnist. Once upon a time I was Carolyn Steele, Penthouse's "Dear Superlady of Sex.' That was fun. Some of the questions were outrageous. So were some of my responses. I am more worldly and sophisticated than I was then. Think of me as your Auntie Mame of Sex.
Each week I'll answer the best questions culled from reader emails--starting with these:
Q: "Why Vibe Week? Why Vibes? I think vibes are fine, but no big deal. Some of my girlfriends have used them, some not. I know they ALL preferred the real thing, my quality dick," a male "regular reader and fan", 29.
A: Do you know there is a restaurant in Manhattan called "Quality Meats"? I can't hear the name without thinking--umm, yummy, strong big cocks.
Why Vibe Week? Vibes symbolize freedom and empowerment. The first version was produced in the early 20th Century, sold by doctor's prescription to "hysterical women." A lady had to pitch a fit to get a vibrator (or a reliable orgasm) in those days. The magnificent proliferation of styles and sizes and speeds of vibes on the market today attest to how far we have come; and that is worth celebrating in the month of American independence.
Why Vibes? They put the power (and control) in our own hands. Vibes are the ultimate power tool for Babes. We can take ourselves places we've never been before; and we can take you along for the ride too. Many women learn how to come by using vibes; many others learn how to come and come and come. You have industrial strength hardcore porn; we have amazing vibes. We can make you come too with our vibes; you probably can't do that to us on your porn alone.
Did your girlfriends always prefer your "quality dick" to a toy? Probably not. But it's not a competition between your tool and ours. We want both.
Q. "Why is my wife so reluctant to have quickies? Two jobs, two kids. The long version isn't possible more than once a week; and I need sex more often than that," Jay, fellow native Midwesterner, 38.
A. Women who don't like The Quickie aren't coming there. She might cite other reasons, some valid--but that's the big one. And she's not coming because she's not even aroused when you begin thrusting. If she's not into giving herself a little foreplay before the act, you have to do it for her. Go to Babeland and scoop up a selection of finger vibes. The Fukuoko 9000 is a Babeland staff pick and one of my two current favorites, the other, Trojan's Vibrating Touch Fingertip Massage. When you want a quickie, come up behind her and nuzzle her neck and caress her breasts, letting her feel your vibrating finger on her nipples. Move that finger down to her clit. Don't even think about intercourse until she's moaning and humping your finger. Keep vibrating her as you take her from behind.
Q. "What am I doing wrong? I date a woman for three or four weeks. I think it's going well; and I'm already calling her my 'girlfriend.' Then I get the email: 'This is going too fast; and I need some time to think', Why can't I keep a girl past four weeks?" Beta Male, 40, dating in New York City.
A. That used to be a woman's question. Please tell me you aren't sitting around with beta buddies reassuring one another that she's just "scared" of her powerful feelings for you. Baby, the truth is: She's not that into you. Now that women are asking guys out and paying for dinner--and even flying them across country for the weekend--women are also calling the relationship shots. She tried you on, like a dress in a store, but you didn't suit. Next time, don't be so available, don't accept every date or answer every booty call. Let that Alpha Woman think she's got some competition for you. And spend a little time on self-improvement. Increasing your income (or producing other visible signs of success) is the surest way to sustain interest beyond four weeks.
Good input ladies. I agree with the tip about using a small clitoral toy for the quickies - that was his wife can enjoy the quicky as much as her.
Quickies are cool sometimes, but they do need to be puncuated with "longies" - good long love making.
Posted by: Chrystal | July 06, 2009 at 02:19 PM