Photo Credit: "Sexy Legs" by Ashby on Photobucket
Your answers to the 7 questions on “What turns you on?” are all over the map—and that’s a good thing. No cookie cutter sex lives for my readers. No consensus of opinion, save this: What turns you on varies with the partner, the mood, the moment. Pubic hair does seem to be making a comeback. Yes we do evolve in our sexual turn-on tastes. Some readers flipped the questions back at me, asking, "What turns YOU on?"
What ignites me from afair is a man with a great voice who can make me laugh. Close up, I would be aroused by the glimpses of a complex and very special person behind a charming demeanor and smiling eyes, a man who could stand up to me because I am tired of either wrapping men twice around my little finger or holding them at a distance. (But that’s just between you and me.) I would love a lover who says to me: "Don't write about what happens between us." Really. That would be incredibly intimate. It would start with a great kiss.
Only twenty people out of 437 (ages 20-61, with 80% 25-45) reported that their turn-on mechanisms seem to be shut off--and they blamed financial problems followed by health issues and troubled marriages. ("I'm unemployed, my wife is supporting us and I have, for the first time in my life, no sex drive. Nothing turns me on.") Once again, male respondents outnumbered female. 301 men, 136 women.
Here in capsule form is what you said:
That stranger across the crowded room—What turns you on about him or her?
Confidence. Attitude. Great smile. Flirting eyes. Superb cleavage. Legs. Good hair. “A five o’ clock shadow, loosened tie, shirt unbuttoned a few buttons.”
What does your lover do to seduce you?
Nuzzles. Kisses. Touches, caresses. Hand on crotch/vulva. The Look. “She invites me into our big soaker tub and we soap each other up.”
Your partner wants sex. What does s/he do that really turns you on?
A slow hand. A fast hand. An oral move. “He gives me that smoldering eye lock gaze and says, ‘I want you, I need you.’”
You want sex. What do you do that really turns him or her on?
Licking lips. Crossing and un-crossing legs. Rubbing her neck or shoulders. The great kiss. “I sit him down, put a pillow on the floor between his legs and unzip his pants.”
What foreplay moves turn up the heat?
Oral. Manual. And eye contact. “I rotate my thumb around her clit, give her inner thighs nibbling kisses and follow that with long slow licks of her labia, while keeping the thumb in place.”
Are you easily turned on (given the right person, circumstances?)
Overwhelmingly, Yes. “Oh yeah I'm a horn dog according to her... and she's right.”
Have you ever experienced instant chemistry—and what happened next?
Hot affairs. Memorable one night stands. “Circumstances prevented us from acting on it right away--but when we did, it was hot. I married her.”
And a special treat, the unedited response of Ms. X, a beautiful woman in her mid-thirties, in an open marriage, who thrilled readers with “It’s Almost All Good”, her reply to the Taboo Sex Survey. (We live vicariously through you, Babe.)
That stranger across the crowded room—What turns you on about him or her?
Smiles and eyes are what usually get me first. I meet lots of strangers daily and there doesn't seem to be a "type" of body or a particular style that appeals to me as much as a hot, sexy smile and some direct eye contact.
What does your lover do to seduce you?
One lover seduces me by smacking me into submission and fucking me until I beg him to stop. Actually, that's not strictly true. He fucks me way past when I beg him to stop because he knows me well enough to know that the first hundred times, I don't really mean it. He can just look at me and I'm seduced. He can just say, "Baby," in my ear and I'm seduced. I can see him chatting with another woman across the room and I'm seduced. Pretty much everything and anything he does gets me hot because the sex between us has grown to be so amazing that even a passing thought of him that has nothing to do with sex gets me turned on. I use his name as a password in some places and when I type the letters, I get turned on. I'm a mess for this man and I love it. Sometimes we have to work together and standing near him, smelling him, drives me to distraction. My body starts calling for him while my brain attempts to keep me professional and in control. What does he do to seduce me? He exists.
I have a new lover who takes great care of his body and is very direct, both which are very attractive. I find his openness and honesty about how much he loves women very seductive. When we're together, he rocks my world sexually and makes me feel amazing, and he can fuck for hours. He originally seduced me by telling me one night how f-ing hot he thought I was, and at the end of the night before he left, he let me know that if I wanted it, it was on. He tells me often how much he loves my ass, and is often in awe of how hot I am to him. He really loves my body and how happy I am to use it, but he's also sometimes frustratingly unavailable. But that's what keeps me coming back for more...
Your partner wants sex. What does s/he do that really turns you on?
Sometimes my husband will rub my back for a bit, and that's about the biggest turn-on he offers me. The sex is good between us, but we don't often have the time or will to spend lots of time on foreplay. My long-term lover will often take my hand and put it on his cock - anytime, anywhere - and I know he doesn't wear underwear, so knowing how close I am to his amazing cock is a huge turn-on.
You want sex. What do you do that really turns him or her on?
With my husband, just getting naked seems to do the trick. He's pretty easy that way. My lovers say it's my eyes and the way I look at them that they love the most. They say I'm so pretty and innocent looking, but when I give them that look, they know I'm thinking naughty thoughts and they love it.
What foreplay moves turn up the heat?
My husband rubbing my back is wonderful. He doesn't do it long enough or often enough, but when he does it, it's amazing. The new lover is very direct with his cock. I was having a glass of wine once, and he took his cock out of his pajama bottoms, stuck it in my glass of wine and made me get on my knees. It was hot. He likes to lick my ass, and that's damn hot, too. He's very athletic, so he likes to flip me around a lot, and the way he eats my pussy drives me crazy. He does this one thing where he rubs his thumbs on either side of my clit - I can't explain it because I haven't asked him what he's doing yet and it's so... thorough that I can't quite tell what he's doing but it makes me go wild. It doesn't make me orgasm, but it feels incredible. One time, I was on my knees with his cock in my mouth. He has his phone in his hand, and I thought he was just turning it off or turning the ringer down, but he was acutally recording me sucking his dick. I was scared and irritated and worried, but it was hot to watch myself on him like that. He swears it's gone, but I don't know and I asked him not to do it again, but it was really hot in the moment.
Are you easily turned on (given the right person, circumstances?)
Ridiculously so. Every since I read Susan's advice to take control of my own arousal, I've lived in a state of arousal, and I like it. I'm ready to go all the time, and I like it. I truly live in a state of almost constant arousal. I control myself, but I wonder strongly about at least ten guys a day. I see a great smile, a strong face, beautiful eyes and I start wondering seriously how he kisses and how he touches. I see a good-looking workman whose ass fills his jeans perfectly and I wonder if he would adore me and worship me and if his hands would be thick and rough or gentle. I see men in white button-ups and suits and I wonder if they're as haughty and powerful out of their suits as they are in them. I see young men and I wonder what it would be like to teach them how to appreciate every inch of a woman, and I see salt-and-pepper hair and I wonder what he might know that I might like to learn. Every appreciative glance I get from men simmers inside me until the next chance I have to let loose.
All that energy is just buzzing through me all the time, so any opportunity I have to have sex - it's right there. It doesn't take much to get me started, and it takes a lot to get me to stop.
Have you ever experienced instant chemistry—and what happened next?
Oh hell yes - every day! Especially when I'm ovulating, I feel a lot of chemistry. I want to chew on every attractive guy I see. I don't, but I want to.
One time I saw a guy at a party and he saw me, and something primal just clicked between us. We were both talking to other people and having fun, but every time either of us looked up, our eyes met. There was no embarrassment or shyness about it, either. We would look up, meet eyes, and we both knew. By the end of the night we were in his car making out like teenagers, and if he wasn't involved in a messy separation/divorce, there might be more to the story. Logistics got in the way of that one, but it was a hotttt beginning for sure. The surety in his glances, his complete awareness of what I felt, was amazing. We didn't even make it to the car before we started making out, and I'm not sure I knew his name before that either.
I don't know if it's getting older (mid30's) or getting off the pill (been off for a year) or both or neither, but I feel a lot of chemistry a lot of the time. I think there are a lot of guys I could/would connect with quite well, but it's just too dangerous to explore all the options. Thank goodness for common sense, because otherwise I'd be finding out how a lot more guys kiss... and whatever else!
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