SexyPrime, a blog by Susan Crain Bakos

THE WEINER SYNDROME--Husbands Texting Penis Photos And Looking For Sex On Facebook (On Company Time), Part One: Unmasking The Sexy Beast

 

 
Photo Credit:  "Sensual Mouth" by mimikelan on Photobucket

 

Does it matter?  Should we care—about penis-tweeting husbands playing their games on company time?

I have been a bit contrarian lately in upholding the Pro-Sex community banner:  anything is good between consenting adults.  Weiner let us down.  I can’t defend his right to be a sophomoric jerk flashing his penis to women online, a harmless hobby (unless his penis was really offensive) if your job doesn’t make you a target for, say blackmail, or, in his case, losing your valuable liberal vote in Congress. 

On a more personal level, why do women (like in this case me) not slap these guys down?

"So tell your story,” the the Sexy Beast said with a sneer, inviting a public smack-down.

He contacted me about a year ago through Facebook (when I was still on Facebook.)  We had mutual “friends”, he said.  All his “friends” were porn actresses; and since I am a sex book author/journalist/blogger, probably we did have a mutual “friend” if not two.

According to his faceless profile, his name was his real named, spelled backwards.  So clever.

He said he lived in the middle of the woods, way outside St. Louis.  I was born and raised on the Illinois side of St. Louis and began my journalism career writing for St. Louis magazine.  We shared the bond of native geography. 

 He lost no time in telling me his conventional back story:  Early 50s, long married to college girlfriend turned into “sexually unadventurous out-of-shape wife, cold and rejecting, hasn’t initiated sex in over a year, considers his masturbating to porn ‘cheating’ and rarely wants to have the most conventional sex”—while he, of course, has a high libido and is eager to explore a little kink.  He said he “walked on egg shells” around her because she was so easily angered and was “afraid” to tell her how he “felt about anything.” 

Yet he was “more or less happy in a stable marriage” and wasn’t interested in leaving his wife, only in having an affair.  He felt “entitled” to sex outside marriage because he wasn’t getting much inside—and he had “given up [his] own pleasure for too long”.

Frankly, I can’t blame him for that.  Though I have avoided married men since I had an affair with one when I was thirty—It ended when he told his wife who took me out to dinner and begged me to leave him alone—I have usually been on the side of anyone, male or female, getting their sexual needs met outside a sexless (or nearly so) marriage if they practice safer sex and do it without humiliating their partners. 

I did wonder what her side of the story would sound like.  Would she say that he didn’t satisfy her and that’s why she withheld sex?  Was she really dumpy and cranky?  Was he as cowed by her as he presented?  I wondered, but I committed myself to his side, easy to do when I didn’t know her, his emails were passionate and his penis photos stellar.

His recitation of marital dissatisfaction was so common.  I would bet that a third of husbands out there in suburban married land are on Facebook under fake names telling that same story (unless they’re pretending to be single), including a reference to wife as “crazy”, pouring it out to the women they “friend.”  Facebook truly is the face of America--including the phony hypocrites.

I liked him, not because of his initial mundane story—but because he quickly proved himself to be one of the best male erotica writers I’ve ever read.  You agreed with me.  The Sexy Beast has a fan base here.  A relationship developed between me and him andhim and my readers.  I felt a connection to him that I’d never felt for online strangers.     

When he went to Las Vegas on a business trip, got “drunk” and spent $2500 on lap dances and a hooker, he confided in me.  We had an emotional/fantasy affair via email and phone (on his company-issued cell phone.)  Finally, we spent a hot four days together in New York City—he was separated by then; she’d shocked the hell out of him by walking out—and only this week ended it all, though I had been long tired of his childish response to the split that un-moored him and his retreat to passive/aggressive husbandly behavior when she, after months of almost no communication, said she wanted back in.  I ended it. 

In our last conversation though he was pleased to report that his estranged wife had agreed to wear leather in bed for him—Really?!—mitigating his disappointment at not making physical contact with a Facebook “friend” in the St. Louis area last weekend—he didn’t suggest ending our relationship. (“It was a setup,” he emailed.  “Her friends took her phone and tried to set her up.”)  I did. 

The vision of this, in his words, “cold, rejecting, sexually uptight, low libido” woman wanting so badly to go back to him (probably because whatever plan propelled her out of the house did not reach fruition) that she would uncharacteristically agree to wear leather—well, that made me sad for her, even though I was pretty sure she’d nail him for the inconvenience (and possibly chafed thighs) once she was firmly back in charge.  Truthfully, I've been feeling sad for her since she let him have sex after his set-up meeting didn't happen ("She did not reject me.") surely in the hopes of getting back into the house faster.  ("No way," he wrote in his post-coital email.  "I am taking at least the summer to rediscover myself.")

FakeMen on Facebook--aren't they great?

But why does any of this matter to you, dear reader? 

Tomorrow, THE WEINER SYNDROME--Husbands Texting Penis Photos And Looking For Sex On Facebook (On Company Time), Part Two:  Why It Matters 

Demand Real Men lovers with Real Names.

 copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

 

IT'S KIMMIE WEDNESDAY!--"Dirty Little Secret," Part 23

Kimmie is at an undisclosed beach location with her sexy man.  But she took the time to send us the next installment of this sizzling serial anyway.  Thank you, Kimmie.

While I am on the subject of thankfulness, here is an excerpt from a recent email from a SexyPrime fan:

"Thank you and Kimmie for giving our sex life regular electric jolts!  Two kids, two jobs, aging parents, a house always in need of something--we are the typical over-worked, over-stressed couple and the sex was suffering until we started reading your blog.  We agreed that once a week we would try a new sex technique or toy.  You are right--Babeland is the best!  And once a week we would take turns choosing a Kimmie story or excerpt to read out loud to the other.  Wow!  The plan was to have sex at least twice a week, but some weeks we are so hot for one another that we have extra quickies in the laundry room or while cleaning up the kitchen......."

I know I speak for Kimmie when I say that emails like this are both humbling and gratifying.  We love our readers. 

Now, with great pride and pleasure, I give you SexyPrime's own Kimmie--

 

Dirty Little Secret, Part 23

 

His voice was so calm.
 
She shook her head. No. No, she wouldn’t look at him.
 
"I said look at me," he growled, tightening his fist in her hair. She tried to shake her head against his grip. She was barely able to move. She wouldn't look. She couldn't. He had to know how she felt about this.

 "Please, no," she whispered.
 
"Open your eyes." He stopped moving his other hand, fingers in mid-stroke. No, no, no, she thought. Don't stop. Please don't stop! She whimpered, her head still locked in his grip. "Do it," he said quietly, firmly, not moving an inch.

She stood there, impaled on his hand, frozen against the wall. He waited. She could feel his face, inches from hers, waiting for her to comply.
 
She itched to move her hips, to rub herself against his now-unmoving fingers that were still tantalizingly inserted into her body, but she didn't dare. She didn't know what he would do if she moved anything other than her eyelids at this point. What if he got irritated and removed his hand altogether? She was feeling so good. If he would just take those fingers and rub them against her again, if he would just go back to doing what he was doing before he decided that he wanted too much from her.

Wasn't it enough that he had her against the wall? Wasn't it enough that he had her ass out?
 
She felt his breath on her face. He must have moved even closer. Oh god, she thought, feeling her will melting. A muscle in her ass twitched, reminding her of how wet she was back there, and how close his fingers were to going right back to what they had been doing. His arm was still pressed against her back, his wrist pressing her ass cheeks as he held his hand to her crotch, waiting for her to do as he said.
 
"Please," she whispered, feeling her own breath flow back, telling her that he must be almost lip to lip with her.

 He said nothing, but twitched one finger. That warm, wet finger teasing her warm, wet pussy threw her over the edge. She had to have more. She had to let him keep going. Slowly, she opened her eyes. He was, indeed, lip to lip with her, and she watched those lips curl into a triumphant smile as she complied.

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

WHY WOMEN LIKE DOING IT DRESSED-- A Little Science From the UK and Reports from France and Monaco

 
Photo Credit:  "Sensual Rose" on Photobucket

 

Sex Wardrobe Basics—my series of sex techniques and positions incorporating favorite clothing pieces and accessories—is the most popular category on SexyPrime.  Apparently I am not alone in finding some clothing more alluring than nudity all the time.  I associate the American habit of totally naked sex with “hippies” who insisted on everything “natural” which included lots of wheat germ and no make-up in addition to a prohibition against attractive clothing.  Really, that’s just another form of American Puritanism, isn’t it?  And how many hot vegans have you ever met?

A UK study found that half of all women prefer to keep some clothes on during sex.  They cited body issues—issues that were alleviated by keeping on certain clothing pieces, especially bras, the most commonly worn item.  24% of women claimed that bras made them feel “sexier.”  (Remember Sarah Jessica Parker’s bed scenes in the TV series, “Sex and the City?”  She had a no-nudity clause in her contract so she always wore her bra to bed.) 

A spokesperson for MyCelebrityFashion.co.uk, which conducted the poll of 1,563 people, said:

This research has really unveiled how large a part clothes play when it comes to female body confidence.

The fact that such a large proportion of women claim to feel sexier with an item kept on suggests that, whilst body confidence might be low, clothes can really improve a woman’s self-image.

Yet women need to remember that men really don’t care about their wobbly bits…

Yes, good advice all around.

And more good advice from Jamie Cat Callan—

When I asked her why upscale French women and celebrities of a certain age don’t look like aliens from another planet as they do here, she wrote—

Hello Susan--

French women do not go in for the cosmetic surgery the way American women do!

They do have minor things done, with the goal to maintain their individuality and quirky good looks.  I know what you mean about some bad surgery--I was in Palm Beach a couple of years ago at the opera--I turned around and I swear all the femmes d'un certain age looked exactly alike--not old, not exactly young, just kind of alien.

French women may do a few very subtle things, but the goal is that they still look beautiful --for their age--not to look like their 29.

I will be back in France in September and try to get the full scoop!

Love, Jamie

While we wait for that scoop, here’s Carolyn on what French women are saying about Dominique Strauss-Kahn and her comments on Monaco (where she is now.)—

…They all agree that DSK is a grabber and womanizer, but they say so are most powerful men.  They don't like his behavior but fear that some scary right wing politicians are benefitting from this and that may be worse than the lech they know.   

Again, I hear as I did in Paris that the French are appalled at the handcuffs and still question the timing of the accusation.  He was the Presidential frontrunner.

From Monaco—

The cars and the clothes are incredible.  We ate overpriced ice cream at the cafe de Paris which overlooks the casino.  The passing parade of beautiful people and their Ferraris were worth the extra euros.  

In preparation for the wedding, there were porta-potties lining the castle wall and banners hanging from the lamp posts.  I'm told they're having an Eagles !!!!??? concert for the masses.  Allso a famous French singer will perform.  Omega yachts fill the harbor.  I think the wedding is a big deal for Monaco but not as big as the wedding of William and Kate because Albert is pretty long in the tooth.

While we await more news from Europe, I am working on a new Sex Wardrobe Basic for the holiday weekend—Push-Up Bra Sex Tricks.  And next week on Science Tuesday—do women who like anal sex have more orgasms and why?

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

ASK AUNTIE SUE--Readers' 7 Big Questions on ORGASMS!, French Women, Beastly Men, The Sexy Beast, M, BR--&"Why don't other men sound like Dan Taylor?"

 
Auntie Sue's legs, photo by Trent

 

 

First, I have a new photo, one that bravely exposes my face.  It’s been five years since my last stalker, three since the last death threat; and I am hopefully optimistic that it’s safe to show my face—but note, the eyes are shaded and in the background.  Actually my eyes are my best, most startling feature.  Kyria, my excellent photographer voted for the big eyes shots.  I’m not quite ready for that, yet.

Do check out my interview with Mrs. D (Vicky Day) on her UK website Fashionable Maven, accompanied by Kyria's photo of me.  She asked me about fashion and make-up in addition to career.  I love it!

Next, I’m doing something a little different with the email today—short answers to the most-asked questions of the last several weeks.

 

1.  “Why do you put so much emphasis on women’s orgasms?  Can’t you acknowledge that some women like sex whether they orgasm or not?”

A.  I’ve been writing about sex for 25 years—and I’ve heard from thousands—and more thousands!—of women asking how to have an orgasm, or several, or have an orgasm during intercourse or achieve bigger and better orgasms.  Occasionally a woman, often angry, asserts that women don’t need orgasms to enjoy sex--a viewpoint more often expressed in women's magazine essays or feminist websites than in actual reader mail to sexperts.  It may be true of women who also can reach orgasm most of the time.  So maybe they don’t always need to get there.

If a woman has difficulty with orgasm, however, she is unhappy and likely so is her man, unless he is really fooled by all that faking.  Orgasm becomes her big goal and unreached, her hidden reason for turning off to sex. I created The Orgasm Loop so that all women can reach orgasm every time, any time.  That is freeing.  Denying the importance of orgasm is not.

 

2.  “Why do you admire French women so much?”

A.  French women are widely admired for their fashion style and confident sexuality; and I am but one of their many admirers.  When I was a teen-ager, I practiced tying big silk squares after the fashion of French women—though, of course, I didn’t wear them to school because my mother dressed me in typical WASP style, little skirts, blouses, sweaters and matching knee socks.  My sisters were grown when I was born; and I emulated Ellen’s style, very French and glamorous.  Like my mother, she never left the house without make-up and wouldn’t be caught in sweats and tennies outside her garden. 

Jamie Cat Callen, my favorite author on all things French, wrote this today:

"Bonjour, Susan-- I love your take on French seduction and joie de vivre! You are so wise. Please let your readers know that if they have a blog and would like to write about Bonjour, Happiness! I will be thrilled to send them a gift copy. Merci and xoxoox Jamie"

She's working on her next book on French women and beauty and tomorrow, her report on how they handle aging plus Carolyn's commentary from Monaco, preparing for its own royal wedding.

 

3. “Was there any fall-out to naming Fred Ebel, the New York-based risk management exec, as the Beastly Man who grabbed and harassed you at a public business meeting?”

No, because I have the cell phone videos shot by two witnesses; and he knows that legally he can’t go after me as long as I am only reporting the truth about him. He richly deserves the shaming.  

 

4.  “What is happening with you and the Sexy Beast?  Are you having another rendezvous and turning your hot, kinky email/phone sex fantasies into reality?  Will you ever name him?”

A. July 30 Update:  I outed him and put him back in again.  I am done with The Sexy Beast.  See the two Weiner Syndome pieces. 

5. “Where is M?  Are you two fighting?”

A.  Readers miss M’s input. (See his posts under the category M, the AssMaster.)  M and I had a little skirmish over Weiner and he chided me for “the love letter to the French posing as a blog”—but, no, we are not fighting.  He’s busy with a writing project, but you will hear from him again soon.

 

6.  “How does your cousin BR feel about your writing on your long-standing affair?  Is it incest?”

A.  BR is a bit of an exhibitionist who requested that I write about him.  No, it is not incest.  We are second cousins, twice removed.  I wouldn’t call it an “affair” either.  We both love shocking people by saying, “I sleep with my cousin.”  It’s cousin sex a.k.a. we are “kissing cousins.”  Yeah, it's a Southern family.

 

7.  “Why don’t other men sound like Dan Taylor?  You have me hooked on his voice which only he seems to possess.”

A.  Not even other Deejays sound like D.T., the host of wcbsfm 101.1’s Morning Show.  He is in a class unto himself.  I was aroused by his voice, the first time I heard it—and quickly developed a crush, my very first crush, on him.  Men have been crushing on me since I was three years old when the four year old boy next door turned cartwheels and summersaults in our front yard to get my attention.   I don’t crush.  So this was perplexing.

Inspired by D.T., I wrote about the science of aural arousal.  But I have come to realize that I—and you, Babes—are responding to more than voice.  We love the warmth and wit, the intelligence and the playfulness, the sexiness—and more—projected by that expressive voice.  Honestly, has anyone else ever done what he does as well as he does it?  Did you know he also flies vintage airplanes?  The man intrigues me. 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

A NEW RABBIT IN TOWN--& A Political Insight

 
Photo Credit:  "Sexy Women Kissing" on Photobucket

 

New York City is a great place to be right now.  The city is full of visiting gay, lesbian and transgendered people rallying for the Gay Pride Parade, made especially joyous this year by the passage of gay marriage in the state's Assembly Friday night.  You don't have to be gay to be happy today.   Even the weather is in a magnificent mood.

I've been reading the political coverage of how gay marriage passed here when it has been defeated in other states.  People, there are lessons for us, especially Democrats who are frustrated with the timidity of our party.  Read "Behind Gay Marriage, an Unlikely Mix of Forces"on how Cuomo told gay activists they needed to stop in-fighting and get their act together and brought in powerful Wall Street money to shore up the Republicans willing to buck the religious establishment.  Then read "Gay Marriage's Unlikely Hero", the Daily Beast's account of how a former Bush insider turned gay rights advocate.

As Keith Oberman, the liberal commentator, says--With the Republicans pushing a minority New Religious Righteous Tea Party agenda down our throats and the Democrats behaving like wimps in response,  "We [the people] are the last line of defense." 

Let's get smart about how politics really work so we can be a smarter, tougher lineof defense.

But we can do that without surrendering our sexuality.  Babeland has a new toy, a little bunny you must adopt:  The Bullet Bunny

 
Simply slip the little rabbit over your bullet vibe and tickle your clit.  You can also insert the little rabbit, just like the Mama Bunny.  It's strong, waterproof--and portable.  Slip it into your bag as easily as Paris Hilton tucks that little dog into the crook of her arm.

Please.  I would rather have a Bunny in my bag any day.

(And don't forget, as I told you in yesterday's post, you will get a free Berman Venus G Spot vibrator and free shipping with any order of $100 or more.)

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

THE PERFECT WEEKEND TO PERFECT YOUR ORAL SKILLS--Sex Techniques, a Babeland Sex Toy Sale and New York Makes History

 

 Photo Credit:  "Flowers, Sensual Love" on Photobucket

 

It’s Gay Pride weekend in New York City—a celebration made glorious this year by New York state’s passage of gay marriage last night at, literally, the eleventh hour.  At long last, gays in this state with its proud progressive history, can marry.  Governor Cuomo was instrumental in making this happen; and Mayor Bloomberg lent his public support early on too.  I am proud of our leaders, the gay activists who have worked tirelessly to secure civil rights for their community and my heterosexual brothers and sisters who stood with them.

Everyone in the state of New York can stand a little taller today because we have done the right thing—and, as the largest of the six states to legalize gay marriage, stepped up to a leadership role in this area of civil rights.

As I’ve said many times, women of every sexual persuasion owe a debt to the amazing lesbian women who launched the nation’s two premier sex toy empires, Good Vibrations and Babeland.  I admire the women behind both great franchises, but I have a closer connection to Babeland, with two Manhattan stores and one in Brooklyn.  Love those stores!  If you live in New York City (or visit) and you haven’t been there, you are missing one of life’s great pleasures:  beautiful toys elegantly displayed and smart, savvy staffs who can answer any question and lead you to life-enhancing products.  The Babeland website is fabulous too.

Through this weekend, Babeland is offering a free Berman Venus G vibrator ($24 value) AND free shipping with any order of $100 or more.

My recommendation--Omibod Better Than Chocolate

Skype-compatible Omibod plugs into your computer where it will move to the vibration of your lover's voice in an intimate chat-- or can be used in music mode like its sister, the slender Omibod vibe.  Trust me, you need them both.

 

And now an oral skills refresher course—

My signature sex technique, The Basic Black Dress of Blow Jobs, is by far the most popular post on SexyPrime and led me to create the Sex Wardrobe Basics series.  The secret to success:  Learn the moves and mix them up each time, in tune with his responses.

Alas, I have never performed cunnilingus, so I turned to men and gay women in putting together the cunnilingus tips featured in my books.  (Look for them in The Sex Bible, The Orgasm Bible, The Sex Bible for Women—and The Little Book of Big Orgasm--all available on the left hand side.)

Some reader sex tips that have stood the test of many other readers trying them out—

Dave’s very popular Whiskey Dick Cunnilingus Technique

M’s Oral/G Spot Triple Play

Her Pearls, His Tricks—A reader tweaks The String-of-Pearls Seduction Kit

 

(For more ideas on cunnilingus and other technique areas, work your way through the category Sex Tip of the Day on the right hand side of the blog.)

 

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

 

LUSTY INTERLUDE--A Fantasy From A Secret Admirer

 
Photo Credit:  "Women, Sensual Red Pants" on Photobucket

 

He writes:

"Unlike the sexy beast, some can only dream....

"Grabbing her behind the knees and pushing her legs forward gives me a complete, unhindered view of her vulva, completely exposed, open, with her clit straining forward under its hood. This position also affords the added benefit of naturally opening her bottom cheeks, and allows me to slide my tongue easily from her clit, down along her welcoming lips, and around her pulsating anus, which contracts slight with every swirl.

:Her body’s reactions are enough to send me into a lust fueled frenzy – the short breaths that come each time my tongue swirls around her delicate puckered flesh; the involuntary jerk of her legs each time my tongue lightly flickers across the head of her clit. This goes on forever until when I begin to travel down again, she tenses and arches her back. Her climax has begun to wash over her and I feel her pussy begin to pulse and a flood of moisture escapes over my lips.

"A couple of firm, full tongue licks across the entirety of her puss causes an almost unnatural guttural groan to escape from deep within her, and I cover her with my mouth and snake my tongue in as far as I can, wanting to feel every contraction and taste her essence to the fullest. Looking up from my treat, I see that her head is to the side, her eyes are closed, and the middle finger of the hand that was engaging in clit play while I was sucking her was in her mouth.

"This woman was driving me nuts, by doing nothing but unconsciously just reveling in her own pleasure.

"While the waves of orgasm continued to wash over her, I came up, released my grip on the backs of her knees, but hooked her legs with my elbows, bending her almost in half. I position my cock, its engorged head dripping pre-cum, twitching with excitement, just at the entrance of her swollen labia. I began to slowing pump her, inserting nothing by the head, until the need to feel her engulf my cock in her wet opening was too great.

"With one swift movement, I buried myself to the hilt, and began pushing myself as deep as I could go. Our eyes never break contact, and her hands grip the tops of my arms. Her right hand occasionally runs down my back, caress my balls or press against my anus, which brings on even harder thrusting – causing her to come back up to grip my arms again. Looking down, I see her fabulous, milky white breast, making concentric circles with each thrust.

"Bending down, I catch one of her nipples and greedily pull with my lips. She obliges me by grapping the side of her breasts and pressing them together, making it easier to suck and bite on both nipples. Her tits are a pleasure zone, obviously, because as I bite and pull, she moans. Slowing down, I begin focus my attention on her tits, alternating hard and gentle sucks/tugs at each nipple until they are darkly flushed, and making gentle kisses between them, focusing on a sexy little mole right where her cleavage begins.

"Before long, her chest is wet with my kisses and my mind is racing. My cock is covered in her wetness, and pulling it out, I tell her to hold her breasts together. I straddle her chest, and slide my cock between her flush breasts, and begin to slide between them. This isn’t going to last long, and she doesn’t help the matter because she strains her head forward with each forward thrust, attempting to lick my head. The pre-cum is flowing steadily, and my cock to slides effortlessly between her tits.

"When she senses my orgasm, she releases her breasts, grabs my ass and pulls me forward. She is a lady in the truest sense of the word – well read, a great conversationalist, dressed to 9s all the time – classy in every respect. She is also a master lover and knows how to take care of her partners. Cradling my tight scrotum, she begins licking around the head of my cock as the first mini stream is released.

"Not taking my cock in her mouth, however, she continues to lick the head and around the shaft, lightly tickling my balls. This causes the sensations to reach overload, and my cock begins spurting long, thick streams of semen across her cheek, into her auburn hair, landing the back of my hand cradling her head. The sight of her making love to my cock as it shoots cum across her countenance causes my orgasm to continue and only after the contractions result in clear seminal fluid pulsing out does she gently take the length of my cock into her mouth, as if to calm it down. Her crimson lips slowly pulling on my now softening cock, she gently kneads my balls as if giving a massage to over worked muscles. Releasing my scrotum, her hands travel up my sides, and I grasp them. Scooting down, I take her hands and place them down on the pillow above her head, bend down and kiss her passionately on the mouth.

"This woman is amazing."

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

"BONJOUR, HAPPINESS!"--More Secrets From French Women & A Question: Are they still the sexiest?

 
Photo Credit:  "Lips" by Lenuke on Photobucket

 

My friend Carolyn writes from France where she is vacationing:

Paris was cool and rainy but ah, it's Paris.  We are now in a lovely little town in the south. We're driving to Nice today (Pray for us.) and to Monaco on Saturday.

A tiny woman of impeccable taste, Carolyn is always at the right place at the right time: and I look forward to her full report on what French women are saying in the wake of the Dominique Strauss-Kahn scandal.

Ah, yes, Paris is Paris in spite of rain, fog or the French.  Whether haughty, arrogant or charming, French women, especially in Paris, still look more sophisticated and stylish than any other national group of women, with the possible exception of Italians. (The first time I went to Paris, I sat on the balcony of my hotel room on the Left Bank and just watched the women walk by.)  Jamie Cat Callan (author of the marvelous French Women Don’t Sleep Alone) swears they also have the secrets to happiness.  In her new book, Bonjour, Happiness!  Secrets to Finding Your Joie de Vivre (Citadel/Kensington), she tells us how they age gracefully, achieve balance in their lives—for example, relishing food without over-eating and giving of themselves to family and friends while still finding time alone—and more.

I love this book as much as I do Jamie’s first one.  She is a joyful, exuberant writer who makes wise and witty observations you wouldn’t expect from a happy person.  Briefly, I wondered if the publication timing wasn’t good because French women are now beginning to admit that some of those French men who pride themselves on being “seducers” are really sexual harassers.  Does that alter our view of the sexually free French?  (Yes, somewhat.)  Do we wonder why French women have silently accepted what seems to be rampant sexual harassment in the workplace.  (Yes, we do.)

But do we still envy their ability to have extra-marital affairs without ending their marriages?  To eat and stay thin?  To be adored by their children and yet have time alone?  To dress so beautifully, even on small budgets, that they are the envy of the rest of the world’s women? 

Yes, we do!

In the politics of sex, French women are where American women were in the 1970s when feminists took on all manner of workplace abuses, from un-equal pay to sexual harassment.  In typical American fashion, we over-corrected, losing the exciting sexual edge that made the 60s The Sexual Revolution.  Why do you think we adore “Mad Men?”  We want that back, minus the sexism.  I am confident that French women, who turned the tying of a scarf into an art form, can make this happen in their land.  Maybe Jamie’s next book will explain how they did.

Meanwhile, I encourage you to buy both of Jamie’s books.  You will find easy ways to look and feel better—as well as a philosophy of life that will actually make the living of it easier.  How good is that?

From the introduction to Bonjour, Happiness! (which perfectly expresses the differences between the French way of life and the American):

Looking for Happiness

In America, we are entitled to ‘life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

There is no such expression in France.  In fact, in France, the equivalent expression is la recherche du bonbeur (looking for happiness.)  On the surface, this might seem as if I am splitting hairs, but if you really examine the idea of ‘looking’ for happiness as opposed to ‘pursuing’ happiness, you’ll see there’s actually a big difference.

If we’re looking for something, it feels as if it’s there hiding in plain sight….all we have to do is be patient and…There it is!

On the other hand, pursuing implies a kind of chasing after something…

While I am into my French period—and I truly am, even having my new photos done in scarf, pearls and hat—I have to tell you about two other books—La Seduction:  How The French Play The Game of Life (Times Books) by Elaine Sciolino and French Leave (Europa Editions) by Anna Gavalda.

 

In La Seduction, Sciolino reminds us that most French men are not Strauss-Kahn.  They seduce by compliments and smiles, by paying careful attention to the lady and what she says and what she wants.  Sciolino traveled throughout the country, interviewing men and women about seduction.  I would love to do an equivalent book set in America.  What do you think I would find?

French Leave is a great place to start if you haven’t discovered Europa Editions, a New York City small press devoted to literary translations.  A best-seller in Europe and published in 26 languages, this slender book tells the story of four adult siblings in search of the happiness they knew as children.  In keeping with today’s theme of happy authors writing smart, it is optimistic—and also beautifully written.

Three paperback books—affordable, easy to pack, the kind of books you might leave as serendipitous gifts to the next occupant of that beach house guest room—and one hardcover or ebook.  Buy them. Get happier. It’s a bargain.

And, yes, French women are still the sexiest.

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

 

IT'S KIMMIE WEDNESDAY-- "Dirty Little Secret," Part Twenty-two

I am pleased to share a secret with you:  There is publishing industry interest in Kimmie developing this serial into a novel!  Someday you can say, "I read her when...."

And here she is, SexyPrime's own Kimmie--

 

Dirty LIttle Secret, part 22
 
He moved his body slightly to the side, pressing one knee into the back of her leg to keep her pinned against the wall. His breath was still hot on her neck, filling her ear.  “I thought so,” he murmured, "the way you were squirming around like that." She felt his hand lift the back of her skirt and fumble under the waistband to get into her panties. He shoved his hand down, using the back of his wrist to pull the seat of her undies out and over her ass cheeks, plunging his fingers deep inside her.
 
She gasped as he drew his fingers gently backwards through the wetness, up between her ass cheeks, leaving a slippery, dripping trail. He nudged her legs a little wider with his knee, giving him more room to work. He went back again and again, pulling the juices from her pussy, each trip leaving a wetter, deeper path. She pushed her forehead into the wall, concentrating on the slick feel of his fingers sliding up the crack of her ass. It was such a delicious violation...
 
Be a good girl, her brain warned quietly.
 
Oh god, she wanted to. She wanted to be good. Her brain thought it should be easy, but her body was sending down fresh waves of moisture to aid him in his dirty work. Her clit was throbbing in rhythm with her pulse and somehow that kept any words from even forming on her tongue. His gentle stroking felt so good. Not only did she not want him to stop, she felt a very naughty urge to arch her back and push her ass out to meet his fingers. She was far from being good right now, but she was even farther from stopping.

She felt him move his head away from her ear. She opened her eyes to see him only inches away, watching her face as he slid his fingers into her pussy. Again, he was watching her! She squeezed her eyes shut. She didn’t want to look at him. She didn’t want to see what he might be thinking, and she certainly didn’t want to see any of her own expressions reflected back at her. It was bad enough that she was pinned against the wall with her bare ass out, letting him get dangerously close to the one place no one should go. She couldn’t bear the thought of seeing him watch her while he did it. But of course, she wouldn't be that lucky. She knew what would come next. She dreaded it as much as she counted on it.
 
“Look at me."

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ASK AUNTIE SUE--Reader Questions on Sex Games, Sex Secrets--& "What is wrong with men?"

 

 

Yes, Auntie Sue is a day late.  Yesterday was a busy day........

Some of my readers can’t let go of Weiner though he’s left the stage (for now).  Lots of women wrote to argue:  It is sex; it is cheating.  Babes, we all define our own terms.  I say (in my Penis-gate post):  It isn’t sex; it isn’t cheating—but he is a jerk who betrayed liberal causes for a few cheap thrills.

And I am still hearing from readers who know or have encountered the obnoxious Beastly Man, Fred (“Rick” as he calls himself) Ebel, or Freddie the Demanding Footman, as I call him.  Wow--their stories!

To the questions—

Q. “My husband wants to spice up our sex life by playing games.  The one he really wants to play is Master/Slave where I put on a collar and do his sexual bidding.  Do real women do this—or is it just a porn fantasy?”  Jodi, South Beach, Florida.

A.  Yes, real women do play sex games, including role playing.  Why don’t you come up with a few games (and/or roles) of your own?  Master/Slave might not be the place you want to start.  When you do play it, define your terms regarding what you will or won’t do.  Also, the roles have to be flipped each time, with you being Mistress to his Slave.

THE LITTLE BOOK OF THE BIG ORGASM includes several sexy games.  Here’s a quickie not in the book:  The 69 Orgasm Challenge.  Get into the 69 oral sex position.  Take turns pleasuring one another, with each stopping as the other is really into it.  Keep alternating until one reaches orgasm.  The winner is, of course, the one who brought the partner to orgasm first.  You can decide what the prize will be.

 

Q. “The first thing a woman wants from a bloke after they’ve shagged a time or two is his ‘sex history.’  I don’t feel comfortable talking about the women in my past.  How do I handle that without creating a scenario where she thinks I am holding out big secrets and won’t let it rest?  Now that I’m on the point, how do you get away with telling all about your lovers?”  Paul, London.

A.  First, I don’t disclose anything about lovers that they don’t want me to tell.  Most of the men I have known did not want to be written about; and I honor that.  A few, notably BR, my cousin/lover/lawyer, a bit of an exhibitionist, enjoy being “characters.”  Or like The Sexy Beast/O Man, they may be comfortable sharing all except name, rank and serial number. 

This is what you must share about your sex history:  Have you been with partners who have exposed you to any STDs?  Have you been tested—Are you tested regularly—and what have the results been?

Details about your partners, including names and sex styles, should be confidential.  If a woman (or man) can’t accept that, she is too demanding and controlling to keep around.

 

Q. “What is wrong with men—or at least the men ages 25-40 that I date? If you ‘meet’ online, they inevitably send penis photos, like Weiner.  They want anal sex first thing.  They only know how do it like they see it done in porn:  hard and fast.  And they expect women to love it that way. How does any woman enjoy sex?”  Debra, Phoenix, Arizona.

A.   All men are not like this!  “Meeting” online increases the odds of receiving unsolicited penis shots.  You’re also more likely to get caught in his fantasy filter (and he in yours) because it is easier to treat someone you really don’t know as a piece of interactive porn (or in the woman’s case, maybe interactive romance novel.) 

Many men, especially those under 35, have received most, if not all, of their sex education via porn—the worst place to go for a tutorial in real sex.  If you are interested in pursuing a sexual relationship with one of these guys, you need to make it clear that you’re not a porn star and require more game from a man than vigorous thrusting.  Now more than ever, women need to take the lead in showing men what they want in bed.

Many of SexyPrime’s readers are men.  Judging from their emails and survey responses, they are good lovers, attentive to women’s sexual needs and desires. In fact, I get more questions from men on how to please women than I do from women on how to please men.  AND reader sex tips invariably come from the men.

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime