SexyPrime, a blog by Susan Crain Bakos

ASK AUNTIE SUE--Reader Questions on Escort Services, The Depressed Penis--& "How safe is oral sex?"

 
Auntie Sue's legs, photo by Trent

 

So many readers and colleagues have emailed me this week with messages of support in response to my post on Dying, The End Game; and I am very grateful to everyone.  (Look for a new post on that subject, tomorrow, Science Tuesday.)  Other readers sent in their sex questions; and I am just as grateful to them.  They took me at my word:  It’s sex as usual at SexyPrime until I let you know otherwise.

To the questions—

 

Q. “I have long fantasized having a Double Penetration (DP) sex experience; and I contacted an escort service to see if they would arrange it.  The call girl who responded to my request found another man.  I’m a little nervous about this but I really want to do it.  Do you think it is safe to trust an escort?  Is there anything I should know about performing DP?  How can I be sure I won’t come too soon?  The thought of brushing against another man’s penis and balls excites me; and I am afraid I will suffer premature ejaculation” D., Los Angeles.

A.  I would trust a professional escort over a random internet connection, which is how many people set up sex dates with strangers.   Generally, escorts know what they’re doing and take care of their sexual health—while your online hook-up might be a stalker, a psychopath, a major health risk or a technically unskilled fantasizer whose sex life is all porn viewing, no doing.  Ask the lady if the other man is a male escort and does he have a clean STD test record?  (Do you?)

Michael, or M—the AssMaster, gave some excellent advice on the logistics of the DP.  Read that.  Let me know if you have more questions for him. 

Unless premature ejaculation is a regular issue, you can likely forestall that by masturbating to ejaculation before the party shows up.

 

Q. “I met this great guy, handsome, sexy, smart, funny.  He’s 45 but in good shape so I wasn’t expecting a depressed penis.  He rarely gets a decent erection and has trouble ejaculating.  While he says he doesn’t mind not coming, I mind that he doesn’t.  He takes medication for high cholesterol and for depression.  I think the meds have depressed his penis.  He won’t take Viagra.  Do you know any magic to make a penis happy again?”  Leanne, the Jersey shore.

A.  Viagra and similar drugs are often contraindicated in patients taking medication for high blood pressure, high cholesterol and depression.  That comes as a surprise to women who think all problems of the penis can be cured by a little pill.  Your lover should seek out a doctor who can listen to his sexual concerns and help him find the medications or dosages that have the least impact on his poor depressed penis.  But here is what you can do:

First, stop “minding” when he doesn’t ejaculate.  Take the pressure off.  Let him focus on pleasing you.

Second a savvy lover can often help her man get a firmer erection these two ways.   

• Become very skilled at fellatio.  (See my signature sex technique, The Basic Black Dress of Blow Jobs.) 
• Perfect the art of the hand job.  (See "Two Hand Jobs.")

Third, have you tried a vibrating cock ring on him?  (Go to Babeland, type in "vibrating cock ring" in the search window.)  The ring helps him maintain an erection while the vibrations increase his arousal and bring him closer to ejaculation. 

Fourth, he might be able to reach orgasm during anal intercourse because the fit around his penis is so snug.  (See M’s primer on anal intercourse.) 

Fifth, some men respond to this simple trick: 

• Press your thumb into his perineum (space between base of testicles and anus) when he is highly aroused. 

Finally, explore your fantasies together.  A little kink can be better than a little blue pill.

 

Q. “My daughter confided that she is quite adept at fellatio—which she practices on bare penises, no condoms—though she is still a virgin at seventeen.  I don’t know what to think because I always regarded oral sex as more intimate than intercourse.  She says it is ‘no-risk sex.’  What do you say?”  Moira, London.

A.  At least she recognizes that it is  sex.  Many young people don’t.  Unprotected oral sex is not, however, “no-risk.”  Most of us do not use condoms and dental damns when practicing oral sex so we need to be aware that there are STD risks—less than the risks of unprotected intercourse—but still there.

Gonorrhea, herpes, HIV, hepatitis B, and syphilis can all be transmitted orally—and the risk factor increases if the man ejaculates in her mouth.  HPV (human papillomavirus) not only causes cervical cancer in women, but also is a major risk factor in oral and throat cancers in men—and can be spread orally.  Definitely take your daughter to your gynecologist to be tested.  Kudos to both of you for having such an open relationship that she can tell you what’s going on in her sex life.

Readers, are you practicing unprotected oral sex too?  Mention it to your doctor who may want to screen your throat in addition to the routine STD tests.

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

DO IT DRESSED!--Sex Wardrobe Basics for a Holiday Weekend

"Red High Heels" by RedLilly on Photobucket

 

Hello, SexyPrime readers!  I've missed you.  So much to tell you about what's happened in my life the past few weeks.....but it will keep til after the holiday weekend.

The most popular feature on SP remains The Basic Black Dress of Blow Jobs.  Sometimes I look at the numbers on it and marvel that everyone in the world doesn't know how to do this by now.  But they don't. ...

and if you don't, the holiday weekend is the perfect time to give the cock you love an extraordinary oral experience.

The other Sex Wardrobe Basics (see category on right) are very popular with readers too.  I love hearing from you on how you are tweaking the techniques.  This letter won a copy of The Sex Bible for Women for Ginny G.:

"I love The Boyfriend Shirt Quickie.  I feel petite and sexy in a man's white shirt--and wearing one during sex exposes my good parts, the breasts.  My back is a little fat.

"Here's my Boyfriend Shirt tweak--

"Wear it while doing the Reverse Cowgirl, where you face his feet.  

"I put finger vibes on my fingers and play with my clit while I am thrusting against him.  The shirt gives me more privacy for that.

"All he can really see is my ass and legs, both in better shape than the back--so it works perfectly for both of us."

Tip:  If you are leaning forward in the Reverse Cowgirl, you naturally raise and round out your ass.

 

 

M presents The Weekend Sex Tip - The Wedge Pillow Basics

 

Hello, Sexyprime readers, it's Kimmie here!

If you live on the East Coast, you're facing some indoor time this weekend waiting for the hurricane to touch ground near you. Luckily, M has the weekend sex tip for you.

Michael says that you can change the sexual experience by adding 1. Bullet Vibe play and/or 2. A wedge pillow (above).

He’s right about that.  Here is--

THE WEDGE PILLOW BASICS by M

MOST sexual positions can be enhanced for comfort or variety of stimulation or to increase the odds of her orgasm with one simple change:  The addition of a strategically placed Wedge pillow such as the Liberator Love Bumper, one of several great wedge pillow choices available at Babeland.

Wedge Pillow Sex Tips:

1. The missionary position can be modified by placing the thick part of the wedge under her ass, with narrow end pointing up her back. This adjustment tilts her hips up for a better angle for either vaginal or anal penetration, permitting deep thrusting without her having to support her pelvis.

2. You can also modify the Missionary position by reversing the wedge, placing the thick end underneath her shoulders with the narrow end facing her buttocks. The reversal of pillow facillitates a slower lovemaking session, encouraging kissing and breast play. 

3. With the man standing by the bed with the woman on her back on the bed, place the thick end of the wedge pillow under her ass.  Now she is at an angle for deeper thrusting. 

4. In the Doggie position with her up on all fours, place the thick end of the wedge pillow under her waist.  She has comfortable support while he can still freely play with her breasts.

5. In the Cowgirl or Reverse Cowgirl positions, she usually does most of the work, thrusting with her thighs. P the thick end of the wedge pillow under his ass.  Elevates his hips takes the pressure off her knees and thighs. 

 

CHECK OUT THE SALE ITEMS AT BABELAND THIS WEEKEND, INCLUDING MINNA OLA, my new Vibe Love.

(See my recent review.)

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

A Man, His Penis and His Condom

Hello, Sexyprime readers, Kimmie again, stepping in for Susan while she unplugs and relaxes in a crisp and cool remote location sans internet connection.

M heats it up for us today, sharing his thoughts on men and their members in "A Man, His Penis and His Condom."

Photo Credit: xXSarcasticPanicXx on Photobucket

Susan invited (challenged?) me to write about a man's longest, closest and most complex relationship, the one he has with his penis. The nature of that relationship is rarely understood by a woman.  He loves his penis so much that he wants to see it as unusually gifted in any way he can persuade himself it is.

So, if a man is endowed with a “tuna can,” i.e., he has a short fat penis, he will inevitably focus on his stupendous girth, and will even tell himself that his penis only looks short because it so incomparably wide. By contrast, if nature provides him with a penis of impressive length, but on the narrow side, Mr. Needledick will only see his peerless length.

It follows that men with longer but not thick penises, will assume because of their length that they absolutely NEED to wear the Magnum XL sized condoms, as no lesser condom could ever contain the incredible hulk hanging between his manly thighs.

Unfortunately, GIRTH is the dimension that makes a condom fit snugly. Despite this obvious truth, guys with long, but not unusually thick penises (and all too many guys whose penises are neither long nor thick) feel they need large size condoms. But since these condoms are designed for extraordinarily thick penises, they are even looser on the long skinny cock than they would be on an average penis.

As a swinger for the past decade, and being a guy who has no qualms about visually checking out other guy's penises, I've seen hundreds of cocks in party situations. I have repeatedly been struck by the large number of men who INSIST that they have to wear Magnums or XL's when they are quite visibly less endowed than I am in the girth dimension...

and I know from having tried that Magnums are way too loose on me.

While active in the swinger lifestyle, it was a rare week that I did not hear someone talking about a condom slippage problem, where it fell off...and sometimes, thru correlating certain stories, I determined that specific men had a number of repeat condom fall off problems. This caught my attention in part because I was making heavy use of condoms in those years and never once had a condom come anywhere near falling off...except when I tried that box of Magnum's on for size.

For all those years, when forum threads on condoms have popped up in the lifestyle websites I participate in, I have repeatedly posted some version of the explanation why if a condom feels comfortably loose when you first put it on, it is too loose to function properly. Specifically, if a condom does not feel like a tourniquet when you first put it on, it is too loose. The latex from which most condoms are made is very stretchy, and as the friction and body heat warm the condom, and the thrusting repeatedly stretches the condom, it rapidly gets looser once its primary purpose is begun. It naturally follows that unless it starts out too tight, it will quickly become too loose.

In 2006, I conducted a condom/arm experiment where I pulled a standard sized condom over my forearm past the elbow to a length of 21 inches (and my forearms are probably as thick as four unusually thick penises side by side) live in a forum thread, with my then wife posting updates as we tested the condoms strength and stretchiness, to illustrate my point that wearing oversized condoms was a bad idea.

My experience has been that the suggestion that men with three inch needle-dicks should not wear XL condoms does not merely fall on deaf ears, it is met with aggressive derision and denial. The men and their wives posting vehemently that their man's almost average size penis is way too cramped in a standard condom. I have never felt that my message got thru to anyone. Even though it was oft repeated, and even quoting the Trojan Vice-President of Marketing's statement that "No one needs Magnum sized condoms." But I hope, that posting here someone will avoid the STD and/or pregnancy risk of a condom failure by making the decision to not use a Hefty garbage bag to wrap up their penis the next time they play.

Michael aka “AssMaster”

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

ASK AUNTIE SUE--Reader Questions on Tweaking the Basics, Fantasy Lovers & "Why do men say No?"

 
Auntie Sue's Legs, photo by Trent 

 

Orgasms! have been on my mind this week.  (Okay, when are they not?)  The Orgasm Loop online workshop is coming together.  I had a great talk with sister sexpert Lou Paget this morning on Os and O Loop, a conversation we are continuing this Wednesday evening from 9 to 10 EST on her radio show “Sex Talk with Lou.”  I’ve been emailing back and forth with Josie Rozenberg-Clarke who’s interviewing me for an article in Australia’s Cleo magazine.  As I told her, one of the joys of being an author is developing an international readership and hearing from great sexy babes and guys from all over the world.

To the mail!—

 

Q. “My husband recently lost weight and started working out—and now he wants to make love like the Kama Sutra.  I contend that most of those positions are unsustainable for long enough to have good sex.  What do you say?  What should we do to liven up the standard six?”  Ella, New Zealand.

A.  Ella, you are correct:  There are six basic intercourse positions—“the standard six”—and everything is a variation on one of them.  The extreme positions of the Kama Sutra are not sustainable for long for most of us.  Just getting into them is an accomplishment.  Call it foreplay.

There are so many ways to tweak the basics and liven the sex.  Read Michael’s suggestions for Bullet Vibe play.  Buy one of my books.  The Sex Bible, for example, has directions for the basics plus variations. 

Here is my favorite Missionary position variation, The Open Missionary.

Wrap one leg around his waist (or place ankle on his shoulder or crook your ankle around his neck)—and leave the other leg open, either bent at the knee of flat on the bed.

I love the bent knee because it gives you great leverage to thrust against him.  During intercourse, you can also move that open leg up and down his body, briefly wrap around his waist to place over his shoulder.

That lovely leg is a free agent, entirely opening up the classic Missionary.

 

Q. “My wife shares your crush on Dan Taylor, the Morning Man on WCBS fm 101.1.  She says he is her fantasy lover.  I think I know what that means.  Is it common?  Should I be jealous?  How does a man compete against a fantasy lover?”  AJ, Montclair, N.J.

A.  We shall have to keep this from D.T. because it will make him blush. 

I define a “Crush” as a very admirable person who inspires feelings of regard, warmth and affection from afar.  Rarely does one act on a crush.  It is just a nice little extra life enhancement. 

A Fantasy Lover is a masturbatory aide—very common.  You have porn; she has a vivid imagination.  Back in the BJ scandal days, women told survey takers that they fantasized having sex with Bill Clinton.  Media stars are popular fantasy lovers.  I can’t even imagine how many women masturbate to George Clooney and Brad Pitt.  (I hope your wife doesn’t tell me what she’s doing with Dan behind my back.)   

You should not be jealous.  Baby, you don’t compete against a fantasy lover any more than she goes up against porn.  Just be thankful her Fantasy Man has her primed for you. 

I watched some YouTube videos of Keith “the Captain” Gamble performing—and he’s been my Fantasy Lover for a few weeks.  For women, porn is too cut and dried.  We like coming up with our own scenarios to suit the arousal figure.

Now you tell that bitch to take her hands (and other parts) off Dan. [Note, Tuesday:  I'm kidding.  So many people wrote to ask if I am serious, I had to add the addendum.]

 

Q. “I dated a 34 year old guy for almost a year.  Recently I broke up with him because I got tired of waiting for the sex.  That’s right.  No sex.  I told him I wanted him.  I came on to him.  He kept saying he wanted to wait until things were right because he had always rushed the sex before.  I’ve heard other women talk about men refusing sex.  What’s up?”  Carmen, New York City.

A.  I do not believe that the man you dated didn’t have sex with someone during his celibate year with you.  Something’s up with him.  In denial about being gay?  In love with a married woman?  Sleeping with his cousin?  Into a fetish he couldn’t share with you?  He has a back story.

Yes, men are more likely to refuse sex in relationships than ever before.  Zola and I identified the withholder as one form of passive/aggressive Beta men.  Some men, however, say No to sex because they are on medications that lower their libido and interfere with their ability to get erect. 

What happened to you is atypical.  Why did you stay for a year?  That sounds like an ego-battering experience.

 

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

VIBRATE!--M's Tips on Using Bullet Vibes & A Sale At Babeland

 
Art Credit:  "Woman in High Heels" by natalieenka on Photobucket

 

Michael says that you can change the sexual experience by adding 1.  A bullet vibe and/or 2. A wedge pillow (next week.)

He’s right about that.  Here are his excellent tips for using the bullet vibe, the basic toy no woman (or man) should be without—

 

M:  “I like bullet vibes because they are small enough to use for delicate operations, can be used almost anywhere, and the cord that connects the bullet to the battery pack/controller serves as a leash for retrieval in case they disappear into a body cavity.

“My motto:  If vibrating it feels good, do so.”

The Dynamic Duo below is one of many great Bullet Vibes available at Babeland.  Advantages to this one:  two bullets; seperate variable speed, function controls; two long cords.

 

 

Six Top Bullet Vibe Tricks

1.  Nipple Play 

They are just the right size for teasing nipples, and often come with two bullet vibes on one controller, giving the option of one for each nipple.

 

2.  Intercourse Clit Aide

Convenient for teasing the clit and labia while engaged in intercourse, bullet vibes provide that often necessary and always appreciated direct clitoral stimulation.

 

3.   Emergency G Spot Vibe

Combine the Bullet with a few fingers to serve as a G-spot vibe when one is not at hand.

 

4.   Deep Vibrations

Insert the Bullet with thin cord hanging outside her vagina before intercourse.  The deep vibrations buzz her G spot and his penis as he thrusts.

 

5.   Anal Play

The Bullet is a nice size for both external anal play and insertion.  Anal teasing with a bullet vibe during doggie intercourse was what convinced my second wife to try anal sex after an unfortunate teenage experience with a boyfriend had convinced her that opening was exit only.

 

6.   Speed Play

Top bullet vibes have variable speeds and different vibration patterns.  Changing speeds and patterns rapidly can speed or prolong arousal, intensify orgasm—and create all kinds of new feelings.

 

CHECK OUT THE SALE ITEMS AT BABELAND THIS WEEKEND, INCLUDING MINNA OLA, my new Vibe Love.

(See my recent review.)

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

A WEEKEND QUICKIE WITH CLOTHES ON--Revisiting a Sex Wardrobe Basic

 
Photo Credit:  "Lady View" by Linda Terry on Photobucket

 

You are likely to have the time for leisurely lovemaking on Saturday or Sunday. But Friday?  End of work week, custody shift changes, dates, family and friend social events--and more.  Friday Night is Quickie night.

The Sex Wardrobe Basics are wildly popular on SexyPrime.  Re-visit The Tight Dress Quickie tonight.  Don't hesitate to add a vibrator to the quickie experience.  And, as always let me know how you tweaked the position if you do.

Lucky enough to have a man in your bed on Saturday morning?  You'll wake up ravenous, ready to go again.  There's nothing like a successful quickie to spark the desire for MORE....

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

THE ORGASM MANIFESTO: Learn The Orgasm Loop--and Claim Your Pleasure

 
Photo Credit:  "Orchid" on Photobucket

 

“When a woman sees a strong sexual image, her body is primed for sex before the mind has a chance to talk her out of arousal.  If she loses the image before she feels aroused, the sex-negative mind has won," Dr. Ellen Laan, University of Amsterdam sex researcher as quoted in The Orgasm Loop.

 

Men know when they are aroused; women, often not—and our arousal is more easily short-circuited, our minds more likely to be governed by “thou shalt nots” and “what will they thinks” turning us off anywhere along the way.  The arousal differential explains in part why sex “takes longer” for women than it does for men. 

The other part:  Men move on a fairly predictable response cycle path to high excitation and ejaculation/orgasm.  A woman’s path may vary considerably from one lovemaking incident to another.

The Orgasm Loop—a revolutionary sex technique that I created—addresses these issues and brings her response cycle in line with his so that she can reach orgasm any time, every time, including in quickies.

 

Why does this matter?

Women and men want it.

• For 25 years, the readers of Cosmopolitan magazine have asked the same #1 question:

How can I cum during intercourse alone?

• Women have told survey takers and sex journalists and sex therapists and coaches that they want to reach orgasm faster, more easily, and reliably so.
• Overworked, over-scheduled, time-challenged men, women, men and couples ask sex advice columnists for intercourse quickie positions and advice on how to make them work for women too.

Yet sex gurus, authors and other “experts” frequently champion “new” sexual theories that downplay the importance of quickies.  Slow Sex is the latest one.  The leading proponent is Nicole Dardone, founder of One Taste, a cult-like organization devoted to female orgasm.  Her message:  Sex must be long and slow for women to reach orgasm.

Long, luxurious lovemaking is delicious.  But women will enjoy it more when they have time if they have been orgasmic in their quickie encounters.  Slow Sex should not be their One Path to pleasure. 

 

THE ORGASM LOOP

Created over a four year period and tested on five hundred women, The Orgasm Loop helped 95% of women reach orgasm.  Like riding a bike, it takes a bit of practice to master—but then you have it for life, an orgasm whenever you want one or more.  Why shouldn’t it be as easy for a woman to have an orgasm as it is for a man?

The Components  of The Orgasm Loop

• Mental arousal (based on cognitive loop) 

She chooses a mental arousal image and focuses on it to create and sustain arousal.  When her arousal flags, she re-focuses on the image.

• Tantric Fire-breathing

She imagines a fiery ring of air pulled in through her nose and pushed out through her vagina.  The fire increases and sustains her sexual excitement.

• PC Muscle Flexing

The PC muscle, well-toned from regular Kegels, can sustain arousal and escalate excitement.  To take it even higher, she flexes her PC in time with the fire breathing.

• Energy Focus

Using martial arts techniques, she moves all the energy in her body into her genitals.  You’ve seen a martial artist break boards and bricks with the flat of the hand?  S/he does that through energy focus.  It’s real.

You can learn all about the Orgasm Loop in these books:  The Sex Bible, The Orgasm Bible, The Sex Bible for Women, The Little Book of Big Orgasm—and The Orgasm Loop, a small book devoted entirely to this subject. You can find them all at Quiver books.

The Science Behind The Orgasm Loop

Female science of orgasm differs from male—in that his is almost inevitable (unless he trains himself not to come very time) while hers is problematic.  But she has greater potential for prolonged orgasm, multiple orgasm, whole body orgasm and more.  The short explanation:

• The clitoris is the only organ on either gender entirely devoted to pleasure; and it is far more extensive than the visible little pink shaft and crown.  An extensive network of nerve endings can reach far into the vagina and also create a gaggle behind the G spot.
• The vagus nerve runs through the body, including genitals, and goes directly into the brain—explaining why some women with spinal cord injuries still experience orgasm in the brain.  (Proven in fMRI machines in The Orgasm Lab at Rutgers.)
• There is virtually no refractory period for women—and the potential for multiples is tremendous.

What gets in her way?  Sex negative attitudes including shame and the repressive influence of judgmental prudish women, be they therapists or religious zealots; lack of good sex education; poor technique, his and hers; embarrassment about touching herself or using a vibe.

How to tap into all that potential?

THE ORGASM LOOP!

One of my favorite reviews of O Loop (because the writer began as a skeptic):

http://www.lemondrop.com/2008/09/24/the-orgasm-loop-self-help-that-really-helps/2

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

ASK AUNTIE SUE--Reader Questions on Traveling with Sex Toys, Missing Cunnilingus--& The Ultimatum: "Me or her vibes!"

 
Auntie Sue's legs, Photo by Trent

 

The most frequently asked question last week was—“How do I keep my vagina moist during pool sex?”

Water-based lubricants slip slide away in the pool or hot tub.   Use a good silicone-based lube like Sylk, Astroglide, Eros and others that stay slick, even during prolonged play in water.  (Check out the lubes at Babeland.) Drawback:  Silicone lubes are not compatible with silicone sex toys.  Read labels carefully.

More questions—

Q. “What are the rules on traveling by air with sex toys?  My girlfriend and I are going to the Middle East.  Will the vibes, flogger and cuffs get us be-headed?  Would a doctor’s note help?”  Ben, London.

A.  Recently the San Francisco Chronicle published a story on traveling with sex toys, quoting a Transportation Safety Administration spokesperson who said nothing about beheading or doctor’s notes.

Whips, chains, leashes, restraints, cuffs and vibrators are all OK, but remember—“An inspector’s job is to inspect.  Don’t pack the toys if you don’t want them inspected.”

Alas, they may be confiscated in one of the many Arab countries where sex toys are outlawed.  Check the laws before packing.  Worst case scenario:  Years in a horrendous prison with no access to beauty treatments, but likely not beheading.

Sex expert Carol Queen, who has traveled the world with her vibrators, says, “Vibrators are not the problem, shame about vibrators is the problem.”

Carry your vibes proudly—unless you’re going to Saudi Arabia or Kuwait.

 

Q. “My wife has a medical situation affecting the appearance of her vagina.  She no longer loves it; and she doesn’t want me to love it either.  Her doctor said cunnilingus is fine but she doesn’t want me going ‘down there.’  What can I do to persuade her?  I am missing cunnilingus,”  TJR, Mobile, Alabama.

A.  I would bet she is missing cunnilingus too.  I’m so sorry that her condition has left her feeling shamed about the appearance of her vagina—sorry for both of you.  Is she seeing a therapist/coach, a sex-positive person trained in sexuality (and preferably AASECT certified)?  If not, help her find someone.

Reiterate that you love performing cunnilingus on her, but don’t push.  Give her some time and space and concentrate on pleasuring her every other way she will let you.  For a one-time donation of $20, share Betty Dodson’s Genital Art Gallery with her.  The astonishing variety of vulvas should help her see that there is a place for hers too.

 

Q.  “I appreciate that you stand up, as you phrase it, for male sexuality as well as female—but why do you push vibratorsthe way you do?!  My GF has a drawer-ful of them.  She uses them when I am not around and tells me about her experiences.  Sometimes she asks me to use them on her while we’re making love.  I find that intrusive; and I fear her asking for them indicates she is hooked on vibrators.

“I gave her an ultimatum—The vibes or me!

“She said I’ll need a little time to think on that.

“What now, Queen of the Vibes?” –Alonzo, Sydney, Australia by way of Spain.

A.  I would have chosen the vibes.  So generous of her to consider your ultimatum.

Some men—you may be surprised to know—embrace vibrators and other sex toys.  They understand that most women need direct clitoral stimulation in addition to the thrusting of intercourse to reach orgasm; and they like being in charge of all that.  Many men also like to watch as they’re bringing her to orgasm, not once, but several times, in glorious waves. 

Yes, there are still men like you threatened by the vibrator.  They often say they fear her becoming (or that she has become) addicted to her toys.  Really, they are afraid they aren’t enough for her.

Alonzo, you are not in competition with her toys.  Nothing replaces the feeling of a real man in your arms, his flesh thrusting into yours, his sweat mingling with yours.  Vibrators do not have chest hair or broad shoulders or strong arms or beating hearts; and they cannot gaze into your eyes when you orgasm.  They do not kiss and caress.

The toys are wonderful!  Men are wonderful!  No contest.  Women want both.

Check out yesterday’s post on a new vibe and some special offers at Babeland.  Oh, the Minna Ola (only available at Babeland)! This little beauty is controlled and programmed by squeezing—and it remembers the pattern of her responses to the squeezes and replays it the way she likes it.  Order one.  You take Minna Ola in hand and pleasure your girlfriend.  When you are not there, she can experience the vibe as you gave it to her.  That’s hot.  Put your stamp on the experience.  Rescind the ultimatum!

 
 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

THE PEARLY O--A Reader Plays with Her Pearls & Tweaks a Favorite Sex Wardrobe Basic

 
Photo Credit:  "Lips & Pearls" by Rainbowella on Photobucket

 

"I have discovered the Pearly Orgasm," a reader writes.

"Don't do this with that fat strand of real pearls around your neck, Susan.  Do it with your fakes."

 

So I decided to kick off this beastly hot summer weekend by doing it with my fakes.  Yes, dear reader.  That was nice....and motivated me to call the man who gave me the pearls.

Inspired by The String-of-Pearls Seduction Kit, a favorite Sex Wardrobe Basic, she playfully invented a new path to orgasm.  Here it is--

 

THE PEARLY ORGASM

Most women have several strands of fake pearls in varying sizes.  Pick the one that feels right for your own personal clit play.

Use an all-natural lube [like Trust oil].

Start with a vibrator.  When you are highly aroused and really want to come, switch off that vibe.

Take your chosen strand of pearls in one hand.  Work them through your inner and outer lips.

Move up to your clitoris.  Stroke the sides of your clit with the pearls.

For the stunning finale, put one pearl between the head of your clitoris and your fingerpad.  Massage, using a pressing motion, followed by a small circling move.  Keep the pearl and the head of your clit in constant contact.

You will come all over that pearl before you know it.

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