SexyPrime, a blog by Susan Crain Bakos

IT'S KIMMIE WEDNESDAY!--"Dirty Little Secret", Part Eleven

Is this the best erotic serial ever?  I know you are dying for it, so I won't waste any time.

Once again, with pride and pleasure, here is SexyPrime's own Kimmie:

 

Dirty Little Secret, part eleven

She immediately went to the shower to get ready. She grabbed her best scrubby mitt and scrubbed every part of her that she could reach until it felt clean and shiny. She rinsed off and then ran the hot water for a bath. She lay back in the bottom of the tub, squealing happily as the cold porcelain hit the middle of her back. She closed her eyes, enjoying the tickle of the hot water while it slowly moved its way up her body as the tub filled. She always felt so perfectly naked in water, more than she ever did in the air.

This was going to be a fun night. She tried to stop grinning, but gave up. She could already feel the anticipation in her body. Should I…? she thought briefly, as the water tickled and lapped between her legs. The feeling was so subtle and soft and she could just let her mind wander for a few minutes... But no, she decided. She’d give herself this time alone with her body, letting it have a pre-game warm-up in the hot water, but she’d save all the action for the main event tonight.

She hugged herself, supremely happy as she soaked. Her mind ran back through all the details, remembering all the wonderful things that happened. She wasn’t even thinking about the belly now. Her brain was stuffed too full of the amazing sensations he’d given her to think of much else. How could anyone blame her? She wanted the whole world to feel what she felt. Everyone should know this much pleasure. Everyone should have at least one moment in their life like the night she’d had with him. The world would be a better place.

It seemed like only a moment later that she was ringing his doorbell, bouncing up and down on her toes with anticipation. Calm yourself, she thought. And get control of your face. She took a deep breath and managed to stand still. She could still feel a silly grin, but that could be disguised as a greeting. Her whole body was trying to reach out and wrench the door open to get at what was inside. She crossed her arms in front of her and shoved her fists into her elbows.

He answered the door with a broom in his hand. “Wow, you’re quick. Come in, I’m not quite done yet.”

 She stepped in and closed the front door. She was half-expecting a kiss, but when she turned, he’d disappeared into the kitchen.

“Sit down,” he called out. “I’ll be done in a sec.”

She walked into the living room and plopped herself down in the same spot on the couch where everything had started. She tried to remember how uncomfortable she’d been, how awkward and self-conscious she’d felt there. It didn’t work. Those feelings were a faint memory now, overwhelmed and crowded out by the explosive power of what his fingers and tongue done to her.

“What are you smiling at?” he asked, walking into the room with two glasses of water.

He handed one to her and then sat down on the loveseat on the other side of the room. She took a sip to cover her confusion. Why would he sit over there? Why wouldn’t he sit next to her? Had he completely missed the symbolism in her choice of seats? She’d deliberately sat to one side, leaving the perfect amount of space for him beside her. It was a big couch, for goodness sake.

“Um, nothing,” she said. “How was your day?”

A little of the awkwardness came back to her. Seriously, why did he sit so far away? He stared at her, no readable expression on his face. She watched as he took a swallow of water and then set the glass down on the end table next to him. She leaned forward and set hers down on the coffee table in front of her. He arched one eyebrow up.

“I thought we covered that over the phone,” he answered.

God, he was so frustrating! Was he deliberately being obtuse, or was he just that rude? She felt her face get hot and all the discomfort came rushing back.

“I meant, like, since we talked,” she stammered, mentally berating herself for getting so carried away. He didn’t deserve her.

No matter how good he made her feel, he was an ass, and this shit wasn’t worth her time. There was no reason for her to sit here and feel like this.

And yet, she didn’t move. Because there was reason for her to sit there, plenty of reasons. She watched him looking at her, sitting there with his belly on his lap, his smug face staring at her. Her ego might want her to get up and walk out, but her body definitely didn’t. Just wait, it was telling her. Just hold tight. Look at his hands, it said. Remember what those hands felt like. She remembered. Against her will, she felt that now-familiar rush of blood. She looked back at his face.

His smug look was now an outright mocking smile, she was sure of it. This is too much, she though. But before she could say or think anything else, he reached out one hand.

“Come here.” She stared at him. “I said, come here,” he repeated. “Why do I always have to tell you things twice?”

She stood up and walked to him. She was on auto-pilot. Her brain couldn’t deal with this roller coaster. Somehow it had managed to process the sounds her ears had taken in, but that was about the extent of its abilities right now. She stopped in front of him.

“Sit,” he said, patting his legs. She turned around to sit on his lap. “No, face forward,” he corrected her.

She stopped, slightly confused. Like, climb up on him? He was no help. He sat there with his hands by his sides, looking at her. There was no ladylike way to sit facing him in this skirt.
His eyes challenged her.

Her ego took a hike. She gave in to her body completely. She was here, wasn’t she? She knew what she was here for, didn’t she? Grabbing the hem of her skirt, she hiked it up to her hips and settled one knee next to him on the loveseat. She threw her other leg over his lap and grabbed his shoulders to keep her balance. Now his belly was between her legs, pressing them wide open around him. He grabbed her ass with both hands, his fingers digging in dangerously, and yanked her up even closer.

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

THE LUBE STUDIES (including a shocker)--and introducing TRUST, the oil for intimacy and massage

 
Photo Credit: "lady hat rose" by Linda Terry  on Photobucket

 

What do most of us know about lubricants?

They make vaginal intercourse more comfortable when—

• a woman is experiencing temporary dryness caused by anything from low libido to allergy drugs, or the routine dryness associated with aging;
• the lovers are using condoms;
• his penis is large;
• their lovemaking sessions last long.

Lubes are essential to the comfortable practice of anal intercourse—because the rectal tissues don’t produce lubrication as the vagina does.

Some women (like me) enjoy the feel of a luxurious silky lube, whether it is always strictly necessary or not. 

Finally, we know that water-based lubes are condom-friendly and silicone-based lubes may break them down.

What little we know has seemed enough, yes?  Mostly we choose lubes based on the way they feel.  I love those sample packs sold at Babeland, allowing me to test the texture (and residue factor) of many varieties in small quantities.  Until recently, my lube of choice has been Silk, because it feels like liquid silk and leaves far less sticky residue than most.

I have a new favorite lubricating product—but more about that in a minute.  First, two new studies on lubricants

An Indiana University study (reported in the Journal of Sexual Medicine) found that women who use lubricants report higher levels of sexual satisfaction (and low rates of genital “symptoms,” including pain) than women who don’t.  2,453 women ages 18-68 participated in this Internet-based survey of lube use during more than 3,000 acts of solo masturbation and more than 10,000 acts of partnered sexual activities.

"In spite of the widespread availability of lubricants in stores and on the Internet, it is striking how little research addresses basic questions of how personal lubricants contribute to the sexual experience," said Debby Herbenick, associate director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion. "These data clearly show that use of the lubricants in our study was associated with higher ratings of sexual pleasure and satisfaction and low rates of genital symptoms."

That good news is somewhat offset by the results of a smaller study on lubricants conducted by the Population Council that found 41 water-based lubes, including Astroglide, which most experts tout as the best anal lube, “damaged human rectal and colonic cells in the test tube and compromised the integrity of the single-cell layer that forms the surface of the rectum.”  Some “not only damaged the rectal lining cells but appeared actively to increase HIV replication in the cell cultures.”

The culprit ingredient, common to all the damaging lubes, is polyquaternium-15, a commonly-used cosmetic additive. 

While researchers caution that these findings are preliminary and more studies are needed—it’s not a bad idea to check for polyquaternium-15 in the ingredients list.   If you see it there, don’t buy that product, at least until we know more.  But do NOT forego the use of a lubricant for anal intercourse always and vaginal intercourse when needed.  “Dry sex” can result in torn vaginal tissues, leaving an easy opening for STDs or any minor infection, and in painful intercourse—or tears in the rectum, again leaving you open to infection, causing pain and likely bleeding. 

Now would you like to hear about an all-natural new product, an oil for massage that I also use as a sexual lubricant? 

TRUST, an oil for massage and intimacy, is the flagship product of Trust Products LLC, a company established by my friend Daniel Ray—or D. Ray.  Daniel believes that massage, erotic and otherwise, can bring couples closer together.  As he explored massage techniques, he tried a lot of oils—and found them lacking.  He was looking for something that would make his fingers glide, yet would melt right into the skin, leaving it softer, not stickier, for the experience.  Because he couldn’t find that oil, he created his own.  (Your code for a discount at check-out is "sexyprime".)

Trust is a blend of Grape Seed, Avocado, and Apricot Kernel Oils that are high quality, food grade, kosher and vegan.  It’s the only massage oil I know that won’t mess up the sheets and will also work beautifully as a sexual lubricant.  I love it because it makes my skin feel not only softer, but more youthful, as if it were being nourished (and plumped up) from within.  My partner loves it because there is no lube taste when he switches from intercourse to cunnilingus.

Unlike most massage oils or sex lubes, Trust doesn’t get in the way.  Isn’t that what we all want—a product that enhances the experience without adding another layer between us and our lovers?

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

 

ASK AUNTIE SUE-- Reader Questions on Partner Orgasm, Oral Skills--and That Sexy Voice

 
Auntie Sue's Legs, Photo by Trent

 

Thank you for the good advice many of you sent to last week’s featured reader, JG, the Abandoned Husband.  He was surprised—that people cared enough to write, that the Leaving Mid-Life Wife is something of a modern phenomenon and that women were as likely as men to urge, “move on with your life and become a sexual being again.”  His story also inspired some related questions—and the suggestion that I invite him to New York City for a hands-on sex coaching session.  (“Auntie Sue, he needs a woman like you to show him what is possible,” one man wrote; and I am flattered that he sees me so.)

To the questions—

Q. “I identified with Abandoned Husband’s wife.  My man is also on anti-depressants and has trouble reaching orgasm.  He has to pound me like a jackhammer to come; and sometimes he does it so long, I am sore afterward.  Unlike Abandoned’s wife, I don’t mind that he masturbates to porn.  In fact, I wish he would go finish that way after we’ve made love.  Are there any techniques to help him finish?  Is there anything I can do?  I read with interest your dialogue with M—who said he has trained himself not to come every time so he can participate in more encounters at swing parties.  Isn’t that hard on women’s egos?”  Darcie, thirty-something, Malibu.

A.  Hey, California Babe, I like your attitude.

Has your husband talked to his doctor about the sexual side effects of his meds?  Possibly, the dosage or prescription can be changed.  Maybe taking meds at a different time of the day will help.  If his doctor brushes off his sexual concerns—please urge him to llook for another MD, someone more well-schooled in human sexuality.  

Yes, her man’s difficulty reaching orgasm can be hard on a woman’s ego as well as her body.  M says that some of his partners get upset or feel inadequate if he doesn’t reach orgasm with them.  There are little tricks for facilitating male orgasm—like, for example, pressing your thumb against his perineum, flexing your tight PC muscle around his shaft or encouraging him to finish by masturbating to ejaculation, porn style, into your mouth, or on your breasts or buttocks.  But men who have this issue due to meds tell me that they need more—a really firm and fast hand job.

Two suggestions: 

Include his porn in your lovemaking, at least toward the end.  Hold him and let him masturbate to orgasm in your arms.  Caress his balls as he works the shaft.

Or do it yourself by trying a harder, faster version of the "Release Me Now Hand Job."

 

Q. “Men seem to complain a lot about women’s blow job technique.  I get it.  We are not as good as we think we are.  Neither are they.  How does anyone know if they are doing it right?”  Christina, Sydney, Australia

A. First, you gotta’ have game—and that means strokes.  A lick and a suck won’t drive a man wild.  Second, you need to spend time on genital adoration, though some women complain about men who just won’t come up for air.  (I have never heard a man say, “She spends too much time down there.”)

My most popular sex technique is The Basic Black Dress of Blow Jobs.  Learn the strokes.  Paying close attention to your man’s responses, put them together in your own way.  How do you know you’re doing it “right?”  He should be obviously moved—and come in your mouth if you so desire.  Afterward he will express gratitude—and, the obvious clue, will soon be begging for more.

Gentlemen and bisexual and lesbian ladies, there are directions for cunnilingus in The Sex Bible and The Sex Bible for Women.  Tell me how they work for you.  Send me your CJ tips and I will run the best in SexyPrime and you will receive the book of your choice from mine and my friend Dr. Sonia Borg’s Quiver Books titles.

 

Q. “You are the one person who will understand this:  I can’t get aroused if my husband is talking to me while he is stroking and fondling me.  His voice almost kept me from falling in love with him, but his finer qualities won out over the nasal Jersey accent.  He likes to talk to me during sex; and he loved Daniel Ray’s tip on talking her to orgasm.  So would I, if my husband sounded like your crush Dan Taylor (The Morning Show with Dan Taylor, WCBSfm101.1).  What can I do to silence him in bed so I can enjoy what he does with his body?”  Nadia, New York City.

A.  Sounds, especially the sound of your lover’s voice, are an important element of arousal.   Yes, just listening to Dan Taylor’s voice awakens my sensuality.  You are right:  I am aural as well as oral, the person who can understand your plight.

Now you have to make your husband understand it too.  As gently as possible, let him know that as much as you love him, you have trouble getting past that Jersey accent in bed.  Ask him to whisper only.  Use background music or soundtrackss from the beach or rainforest to distract you.  Or how about voice training?  If not a voice, coach, maybe you could sign up for an improv class together.  He might get a lot of help from other class members in recognizing how his voice sounds and learning to modulate his tones.  Undoubtedly, you will both have fun exploring a new side of yourselves as individuals and as a couple.

And, Babe, indulge yourself.  Listen to DT weekday mornings, 6 a.m. to 10 a.m.  Keep his voice in your head and call on it when you need it.

  

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime.

A VARIATION ON "THE FLIPPY SKIRT QUICKIE"--A Reader Sex Tip

 
Photo Credit:  "Fantastic Legs Running" by Marathongman on Photobucket

 

A reader sex tip turns The Flippy Skirt Quickie around, making it a Reverse Flippy Skirt Quickie.  Nice job--to the third winner of SexyPrime's "Doing It Dressed!--Sex Wardrobe Basics Book Give-Away."

From TJ in London, The Reverse Flippy Skirt Quickie

• When your lady is all dressed, ask her to take off her panties only and stand in her high heels with her legs spread wide.  Now get on your knees and give her oral until she is dancing on her toes.

 

• Get up from your knees and sit down in a chair or on the edge of the bed.  Ask her to come sit on your lap--facing forward, not toward you.

 

• Hold her hips, guiding her down on your cock.  Her hands are free to play with her clit.  Your job is to keep her balanced so she can move with abandon.

 

• Let her control the action.  Keep hold of her hips so she doesn't fall forward.  My lady is very limber and can lean forward, holding on to her ankles as the pumps me like a piston.

 

OTHER SEX WARDROBE BASICS

The French Teddy Buttocks Play

The Black Silk Blouse Cleavage Game

The Flippy Skirt Quickie

THE BLACK LACE-TOPPED THIGH HIGHS INTERCOURSE TRICKS

 The Boyfriend Jeans Mutual Hand Jobs

The String-of-Pearls Seduction Kit

The Pencil Skirt Quickie

The Boyfriend Shirt Quickie

The Basic Black Dress of Blow Jobs

The "Skinny Jeans" BJ Orgasm

The Red Heels Kiss

The Red Heels Quickie

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime.