Auntie Sue's Legs, photo by Trent
What’s in the air? It’s not spring, but once again, I received a lot of emails from men and women seeking my advice on whether or not to have an affair. People!—Not My Job! Make your own choices. My only advice is: Practice safer sex and don’t text your lover from the cell phone your wife will check as soon as she suspects you have a lover.
One woman asked, “Can an affair improve my marriage?” Yes—if you take that renewed sexual energy back into the marriage or, if by getting your needs met elsewhere, you are content to live in a low or no sex marriage. But don’t get caught, okay? Ideally, the drama should be all sexual and delicious between you and your amore in a hotel room—not heavy objects thrown and dodged and names and lawyers called back at the homestead.
Q. “My girlfriend thinks sex will be better if we learn how to breathe right. Isn’t breathing a natural thing? She’s prone to falling for New Age B.S. If you tell her it’s crazy, she will listen though she won’t listen to me,” Steve, 45, New Brunswick, New Jersey.
A. Sorry, Steve. (And FYI, calling a woman and/or her new ideas “crazy” is not conducive to great sex.) Practitioners of the ancient Eastern sexual arts used specific breathing techniques to induce and sustain arousal in women, prolong erection in men and heighten orgasm in both. I’ve adapted some of those techniques to create my own little tricks and found new ways of using many others, including Fire Breathing Orgasm—tips and techniques which you will find in the books, especially The New Tantra: Simple and Sexy and The Little Book of Big Orgasms.
Your freebie-- follow the link to two simple but effective breathing techniques for spiking your orgasm from Nan Wise, therapist/coach and neuroscience researcher in a post I called "You don't need the choke hold".
Q. “My boyfriend and I have been living together for four years; and the sex, while good, is fairly predictable. He wants to take me to a Tantra swing club in Manhattan where he swears we will meet hot young couples. Isn’t swinging an older person’s thing? I remember the scandal of our suburban Houston neighborhood when I was growing up—swingers in the ‘hood! They were late forties through late sixties. Then, I was shocked they still had sex,” Carrie, 34.
A. Swinging has been traditionally an “older person’s thing.” Long and well-married couples in their forties, fifties and sixties who didn’t want to divide the assets looked for sexual diversity together. While researching Kink: The Hidden Sex Lives of Americans in the late 90s, I went (as a voyeur) to swing parties in suburban Texas. Big hair, fake nails and boobs, enough mascara to lacquer a wall—and men so oily they begged the question, Does anyone ever need salad dressing here?
Swinging has a new face, especially in urban areas. Young couples in their late twenties and thirties are connecting as couples. Like old swingers, they seem to be having their share of unexpected, inappropriate emotional attachments. But it all depends on the group dynamic. I am sending you by private email a contact number for a young couple who host swing parties in a beautiful Manhattan loft every Saturday night. They are smart and charming. Let me know how it works out for you.
Q. “My grandmother is a sexy minx. She was 16 when she had my mother and a grandmother at 39. In her late fifties now, she has always had lovers, many much younger. I’ve been reading about the increase in STIs among people over 45. I told Mum one of us should have a talk with Nana. Mum said, No, but what do you think?” Cherry, 18, London.
A. If Nana has been a sexy minx all her life, she is more likely to be practicing safer sex than a woman her age recently out of a long marriage or cheating on her husband for the first time. Players generally know the rules, whatever the game. It’s the novice who gets hurt. Your mother probably said “no” because she had that talk from Nana years ago. Still, your concern is admirable and sweet—and may not be misplaced. I don’t know Nana, but I am generalizing about her.
STI rates are raising faster among the over 45 demographic in the U.S. and the U.K. than among younger people. Older people are finding their way back into dating and mating faster than they once did thanks to the internet—but they aren’t seeking out sexual health information. STI campaigns have been targeted to the young—until now. As reported by The Independent, Brit Health charity FPA is launching a campaign aimed at Boomers. Using fashion ads from the 60s and 70s, they hope to increase condom use. I love the two guys in their plaid pants/bright blue shirt and red pants/short sleeved window paned plaid shirt with the tagline positioned over a condom in a packet: "Remember wearing this? Then wear this!"
Show this page to Nana and ask her what she thinks about it. (You Brits are usually ahead of us in public sex education as well as sex science research. Kudos.)
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