Photo Credit: "Sexy Legs" by Stacey on Photobucket
I get the occasional proposition/invitation via email or Facebook. This one from a man in Mumbai is the temptation of the week; and he has given me permission to share:
“Susannah, return to India! I will take you to Delhi and we will ride the new Delhi Metro subway, clean and safe and on time, the miracle of modern India. My love, the trains are running on time somewhere in this country for the first time since the British left. Come home to Mother India. Arun who will be your tiffin wallah.”
Tiffin wallah translates as “one who carries the box.” Tiffin is an old English word for light lunch and the Indians expanded the definition to include the metal box that carries the lunch. Tiffin wallahs have been carrying home cooked meals to the offices of working men for over a hundred years. Arun’s sister once sent us off on a train journey with tiffins which he did carry. And what a journey it was…..But on to reader questions—and then I have to check on flights to Mumbai post-monsoon.
Q. “I am a Desperate Housewife. Married fifteen years. Not getting enough sex. Always sex the same way. I’ve tried everything from the sex talk to wearing the lingerie that is supposed to do the talking for me. He has a lower sex drive than I do and is not interested in sexual exploration. A little manual, a little oral, straight to intercourse, two positions only. I love him and don’t want to cheat. What can I do—besides masturbate? Already doing that,” Caris, 39, the Midwest.
A. Caris, I had lunch this week with a woman whose book coming out in January will rock your—and a million other—worlds. (Details embargoed until publication.) Like you, she was a frustrated wife in search of a sexual awakening that wouldn’t threaten her marriage; and she created her own path to “sexual healing.”
For now, some suggestions. Have you considered paying for a massage with a happy ending? Make discreet inquiries of male masseuses or “massage therapists” or “sacred intimates.” The phrase “sacred sexuality” covers a lot of ground. Are you aroused by fantasies of bondage, spanking, BDSM? Take a like-minded girlfriend to a sex club. You don’t have to participate. Play the voyeur.
Make masturbation a more thrilling experience by adding vibrators, warming gel—and porn for women. Check out Candida Royalle’s Femme Productions. Start with a little phone sex foreplay. The sex lines are expensive, but maybe you can find a Desperate Househusband and have a strictly phone sex relationship. Explore a few options. They will lead you to others. Write back and tell me what you have discovered.
Have you tried masturbating in front of your husband?
Q. “My girlfriend takes so long to come that my jaw locks and my tongue goes numb. I lose all feeling in my lips and she doesn’t understand why I can’t kiss her after. I’m not kidding, I’ve spent an hour down there. What can I do speed her up?” Marc, 33, London.
A. Baby, you need to upgrade that CJ. Add small vibrators. The Cunnilingus Quicker and The Boy Toy’s Finger Vibe Play.
Change up your mouth strokes. Use the tip of your tongue. Don’t lick in broad, flat strokes like you see it done in porn. (Sex educators call this Porno Tongue, looks good, doesn’t necessarily feel good.) See The Sex Bible for the best CJ techniques. And don’t stay “down there” for an hour! What if you fall asleep in her pussy? Alternate cunnilingus with manual stimulation and intercourse.
Q. “I can’t deep throat without gagging. I’ve read that the secret is ‘expanding your throat.’ What does that mean and how do I do it? I am recently divorced and I think I must know these things, especially as a Brazilian woman,” Corrine, 42, Rio de Janero.
A. Brazilian women tell me they are the world’s BJ experts. But I’ve heard that about French women and white American women and…..well, you get the point. Any woman can become a BJ expert and swallowing isn’t necessarily required. Focus on developing your fellatio skills. (See The Basic Black Dress of Blow Jobs.) Once you are very confident of your BJ skills, try adding the deep throat move.
“Expanding your throat” really means relaxing it. When you get tense, your throat closes up. You are more likely to relax if you are confident of your technical proficiency.
Positioning is the secret. Create a straight path through your mouth and down your throat to thwart the gag reflex. Most BJ positions don’t allow you to do this. When it’s time for the showy finish, try throwing your head back over the edge of the bed. He is literally “mounting” your mouth—and will ejaculate straight down your throat. That works best for me (and countless readers who have written to me over the years.) You can also straighten your throat in the kneeling position by throwing your head back, forcing him to come forward and down. Guide him with your hands on his hips or buttocks.
Tell me how it works for you! I love the follow-up letters from readers.
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