Some women still claim it's the "closeness and intimacy" of lovemaking that matters--not the O. I dispute that claim. Logically, these women would not be saying No to sex with their partners as often as they report they do were they simply in it for the "intimacy". Why not happily cuddle up to him as he ejaculates inside you every night? Ladies, stop telling me orgasm lies. You are turned off to sex because you're not coming. Why are you not reaching orgasm? New studies have new answers. Pick one. Maybe he's not rich enough; maybe it's in your genes. Or you don't have enough Emo smarts. Whatever. He's coming and you're not; and you say No more often than he does.
Or maybe you're trying to figure out which of the revered female sex authorities to believe before you concentrate your energy on the "right" erotic zone: Dr. Betty Dodson who says the only female orgasm is clitoral and thus all female orgasms are clitoral--or Dr.Beverly Whipple (of G spot fame) who has fMRI proof (in Rutgers University labs) that paralyzed women register orgasm in the brain--and that some women can have a "no hands" "thinking off" orgasm, again lighting up the fMRI machine. She speculates that the orgasm comes from stimulation of the vagus nerve, a "livewire" that runs from the cervix through heart, lung and other organs into the brain.
Betty probably has a point about vaginal orgasm when she says that the clitoris has a rich trove of nerve endings, extending into the vagina; and stimulation of those nerve endings via thrusting in the vagina, leads to orgasm mislabeled "vaginal". But I'm also with Beverly. You cannot fake an fMRI orgasm that happened without clitoral stimulation.
With so many women struggling to have an orgasm, I often wonder why the experts need to take sides on clitoral vs. vaginal O. But I also question why we need new theories on what makes one woman orgasmic and another--not.
Recently, we have been told in credible publications reporting on scientific studies that women have more orgasms with wealthy men than poor men; that women with more "emotional intelligence" have more orgasms; that female orgasm may be genetic and some women don't have the genes for it--and that men come twice as often as women do. (And more. These are my Orgasm Studies Highlights picks.) Some writers have speculated that women who don't reach orgasm are holding out for a wealthier man. Yes, there are giggles in these studies.
Paula England, a professor of sociology at Stanford University refers to the his two/your one equation as The Orgasm Gap.
She says, "The orgasm gap is an inequality that is as serious as the pay gap; and it's producing a rampant culture of sexual asymmetry."
Another, more lopsided equation may help explain The Orgasm Gap: Men receive oral sex four times more often than they give it. In hook-ups, the man gets the blow job 80% of the time. The gap persists in relationships even after a man actually knows a woman and cares if she comes or not. Many women need cunnilingus to reach orgasm. Why aren't more caring men putting their tongues into service?
Michael Kimmel, author of Guyland, compares The Orgasm Gap to The Housework Gap: "Men don't pull their weight on either front because no one makes them."
Babes, we must close The Orgasm Gap. If that means spreading your legs, grabbing his head and thrusting him downward--do it for the sake of the team.
The Sex Bible for Women has MANY techniques for reaching orgasm, in masturbation or partner sex. And Babeland is having a sale on vibes.
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About time to tell the men to get their tongues into service. Keep educating the boys
Posted by: David | July 21, 2009 at 07:40 PM