SexyPrime, a blog by Susan Crain Bakos

ASK AUNTIE SUE: Reader Questions on Female Ejaculation, The Orgasm Loop and "Is That Penis Normal?"

 

Photo Credit:  "Sexy Legs" by Stacey

 

I've had several gratifying letters this week from women (and a few from their men) on The Orgasm Loop.  A woman wrote, "I FINALLY can have an orgasm every time.  I LOVE you!"  (I love you too, Babe.)  A man wrote, "My wife is now able to come EVERY time we do it--after nine years of marriage!!  She says our sex life 'has done a U turn these past six months'--Yippee!"  

 

That's part of my answer to the first question.

 

Q.  "A girlfriend bought me a copy of your book The Orgasm Loop and a bullet vibrator for my birthday.  I am orgasmically challenged.  I'm thirty years old, divorced, the mother of a six year old.  I can literally count the number of orgasms I've had in my whole life:  Sixteen.  That's a little more than one a year since I became sexually active.  What's wrong with me?  Does the technique really work?  And what's the vibe got to do with it?"  Jane.

 

A.    What's wrong with you?  I don't know, but I don't need the "why" to fix it.  Yes, The Orgasm Loop really works!  Five hundred women tested it over a five year period.  You probably won't make it work the first time, but keep practicing.  (It's like riding a bike.) The combination of cognitive feedback, Tantric techniques and energy focus as practiced by martial artists will give you an orgasm any time you want one.  By the way, the vibrator should work for you too.  Turn it on, hold it against your clit and discover instant happiness. You owe your gal pal a dinner out.  Keep me posted.

Q. " I was with a woman once who squirted a lot of fluid when she came.  I thought she was peeing on me; and I didn't see her again.  Then I read about female ejaculation.  I told the story to my girlfriend and she would like to try ejaculating.  Is it something a woman can learn to do--and how?"  Steven, 31.

 

A.  Possibly the woman was peeing on you, but you probably shouldn't call and ask her now.  Female ejaculation is a bit of a misnomer because women do not "ejaculate" in the way that men do.  The fluid some women expel when they "squirt" is not comparable to semen, but it's something other than urine.  I wrote a post several months ago on watching Anton Diaz (Sexy Spirits) provide orgasms for a woman who squirted copious amounts of fluid.  Read "Do You Squirt--And If So, What Is That Stuff?" for more information, including tips on how to encourage the phenomenon.  I also cover the topic in more depth in The Sex Bible For Women.  Lay down some towels and see what happens.

Q.  "I had sex last night with a guy I met at a jazz club.  I'm in my forties and "Hooking Up" is really not my style, but he was so hot and I was so horny.  His penis is curved--really curved, like a banana thinking about eating itself.  Is his penis normal?"  Kate.

 

A.  A little curve falls within the "normal" range of penises.  I call the gently curved penis a G spot cock.  Very nice.  If he's seriously bent, however, he may have Peyrones disease, which is something only men get so you don't have to panic over that.  Did he ejaculate inside the condom I trust was covering him inside you?  Some men with Peyrones can't ejaculate in a woman or can only after a lengthy period of thrusting.   Are you going to see him again?  The subject will have to come up if you get involved with the man.  Urological surgery may be in his future.

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

CALLING FOR AN ORGASM A DAY CAN GET YOU "DIS-FRIENDED" ON FB--Or Pilloried In The British Media

In one of the Vibe Week posts, I advised Mamas to tell their daughters about vibes when they have The Sex Talk.  You know my philosophy:  Every woman should own a wardrobe of vibrators and have an orgasm every day.  A few irate women "dis-friended" me on Facebook.  Why they had ever "friended" me in the first place is the real question.

 

I support The National Health Service of Britain in their sex education program that also promotes an orgasm a day. In a pamphlet titled "Pleasure" the NHS tells parents and educators to teach children about the health benefits of sexual pleasure, including masturbation.  Wouldn't parents be more credible if they did that?

 

The NHS is taking some heat for the slogan:  "An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away."

 

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

LILITH RISING: "IMMERSION "

In the time it takes me

To muse on such sweet thoughts

(such wickedly naughtily sweet thoughts)

he has made me come

a ride that begins

almost instantly

and continues until

we subside

breathless

sweaty

thirsty for cold water

the way one should

when it is this connected

whether it only lasts

a few minutes

or time and energy permitting

well into the passing

of the evening

I am reminded

how he

is a fountain

I will never tire

being filled by……

 

CAN YOU TRUST A THERAPIST WITH YOUR SEX LIFE?

That's the question I answer in my Sex, Money, Power column on Fabulously40.com today.  Check it out!

SHE DID IT FOR SCIENCE (Okay, Maybe Not): Seven Questions With Reverend Jen

If you live, work or hang out on Manhattan's Lower East Side, you may have passed on the street a pretty brunette wearing fake elf ears walking (or carrying) her chihuahua dog.  Asking the question, "Who/What the hell was that?" indicates that you are so uncool you don't even recognize the self-proclaimed Patron Saint of the Uncool and Voice of the Downtrodden and Tired:  Reverend Jen.  And if you are so uncool, are you not de facto one of her flock.

A mail order minister ordained by the Universal Life Church, Reverend Jen has an MFA in painting from Manhattan's School of Visual Arts.  She is, among other things, a performance artist, painter, playwright, curator of The Troll Museum, and author of Live Nude Elf (Soft Skull Press),  based on her years as a columnist for nerve.com.  (You may also remember her as the Elf Queen in the underground porn flick, "Lord of the Cockrings."  She has a varied career.)

 

I heard Jen read from Live Nude Elf at a sex writers panel held earlier this week at The Sex Museum.  I digress just a minute to complain about the space allotted for this event:  a narrow boxy room with harsh lighting and no air conditioning -- not even fans.  Was the museum designed for masochists or meant to be used by the CIA for interrogating prisoners?  In spite of the environment, the panel, Zak Smith, Jonathan Ames and Reverend Jen performed admirably well.  After hearing Jen read a hilarious excerpt from her book, I knew I had to get her answers to seven questions for my readers.

 

Buy this book!

 

Seven Questions With Reverend Jen

1.  Who came up with your book's title, Live Nude Elf, and what is the significance?

 

Originally the book was going to be called "I Did It for Science" which had been the name of my column, but Nerve owned that title so I couldn't use it. My editors at Soft Skull, my agent (Jonathan Ames) and I were scrambling to come up with a new title just a few days before it went to print. I said, "I can't think of anything!" and I jumped in the shower in order to de-stress. As I began to soap up my naked elf body the title popped into my head. Since I'm naked throughout a good 80% of the book and since I've been wearing prosthetic elf ears for most of my adult life, it seemed appropriate.

 

 

2.  What motivated you to write about your sex life for nerve.com?

 

Ada Calhoun, who had interviewed me for a New York Magazine article about the Downtown performance scene, became an editor at Nerve. She suggested I pitch some stories to them, which I did. They then offered me the column and I was, financially, in no position to refuse.

 

 

3.  Ah, yes, the financial motive -- my inspiration twenty years ago for writing a monthly column on my orgasms for Penthouse Forum.  How did the writing affect your sex life?

 

When I started to write the column, I was in the midst of trying to "pull out" of a relationship that had become like Vietnam -- very messy. It was with a man who tried to control every aspect of my life and the column gave me the freedom to walk away, find new lovers and embark on the vaginal adventure of a lifetime. After all, it was my job! I also really embraced some of the things I learned along the way (g-spot orgasms and tantric sex in particular.)

 

4.  Do you ever have trouble separating your public sex persona from the private person?

 

I think sometimes people read the columns and they think I'm just par-taying, fucking and drinking all day and night. The private me is actually one of the most disciplined artists on the planet. My first love is writing followed closely by fucking and drinking.

 

5.  You've said that some of the comments people made on Nerve's website hurt your feelings. (People can be so mean on the internet where they are anonymous; I take care of them with the Delete button on my own blog.) Why did you read those comments?

 

Curiosity got the better of me, and while the majority of reader comments were positive, the negative comments were so personal and hostile, they shocked me. In retrospect, I realize they were the work of jealous haters. You know, some dude who hates women and is sitting in front of his computer in his underwear, surrounded by empty Chinese food takeout containers, feeling sorry for himself because he hasn't gotten laid in a decade, is not gonna take kindly to a fabulous strong woman writing with glee about how she sucked someone else's dick and had a great time doing it.

 

6.  Yes, I also believe that the haters lead sad, lonely pathetic lives.  What is sex like now that you don't write about it anymore?

 

Sex has taken on more of a mystical quality since the column ended. Even when it's kinky or a quickie, I'm still consciously giving and receiving energy as I learned to do in the tantric sexperiment. These days sex is my favorite psychedelic drug. Also sex is far more relaxing now that it's not on a deadline. (Though I should mention that I still write about sex plenty but I do so in laboriously constructed journal entries, which will remain under lock and key until the next book deal.)

 

7.  What is the one thing that most people don't get about sex?

 

I think the notion that sex is a goal-oriented activity leads to a lot of crappy sex. Everyone is so busy trying to shoot loads or to get their partner to shoot loads, or to shoot loads at the same time as their partner or whatever that they forget that just feeling good is good enough. Sex is not brain surgery. It should be fun. Life is stressful. Sex should not be. And don't forget to be really nice to whoever it is you're about to fuck. Niceness is always in style.

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

IT'S KIMMIE WEDNESDAY: And She's Making Me Hungry For The Guy I Let Go

Have you ever fantasized re-connecting with that great lover who got away?  Well, I have.  I still think about one guy....tall, very dark and handsome, wonderful French/African accent, very smart, made me laugh....and, oh that cock.

Kimmie's story this week is the best substitute I have.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Here's Kimmie:


MADE FOR EACH OTHER

 

“How have you been?” he asked.

“Well, I still drink too much!” she laughed, gesturing to the four glasses in front of her on the dark marbled bar. It was a stupid thing to say, but it was all that came to mind.

  

She hadn’t seen him in so long.

 

In the past, it had always been easy with him. For months, she’d gotten butterflies when she laid eyes on him, even if it had only been minutes. Every time they’d been near each other, he’d taken the opportunity to let his hands slide over her, letting her know what he was thinking. Now, after the long separation, everything was awkward. His hug when he’d noticed her at the bar and had come over to say hello felt real, but she could only return it with a social pat on the shoulder.

 

What’s wrong with me? she thought. There were still butterflies, but they were doing some strange dive bombing into the pit of her guts instead of fluttering around her heart like they used to. He looked just as good as when he’d left several months before. His dark eyes looked just as deeply into hers as they always had, and his lips smirked at her in the exact same way they did when they’d first met. When he pulled her in for that hug, he still smelled divine. His arms were just as thick and strong and possessive as they always had been, so why did she feel so awkward?

 

She offered him a seat, half-hoping he wouldn’t take it. No such luck. He sat down on the other side of Samantha, her dear friend and the actual owner of two of the four drinks on the counter. Sam knew him, of course. She knew the mountains of baggage the two of them had created for each other, and the depths of pain that had taken her friend every minute of these long months to get over when he left. They chatted, and she watched them laughing and smiling, lost in a fog of memories. His dark, swarthy skin, such a contrast against the pale white of her own. The feel of his body against hers. The sound of his commands in her ear and the heat from his breath sending chills down her arms.

 

She shook her head and pasted a smile on her face, laughing at whatever unheard joke they had just shared. Sam glanced at her, thought a moment and then glanced at her watch. “Time for me to go,” she announced. “Long day tomorrow!” They exchanged hugs and then she was gone.

 

It was just the two of them now. She thought her heartbeat might break her ribs. She stared at the row of glasses in front of her, afraid to look anywhere else. She saw him move over to take the seat Samantha had just left. His hand slid in to cover hers.

 

“I’ve missed you.”

 

His low voice crashed another wave of memories over her. A quick, dangerous grope in the hall where anyone could have seen them. Him pulling her into an empty office and lifting her dress. His strong hands on her neck, pushing her face into the wall of his room as he came to her from behind.

 

She turned to look at him. He stared right into her eyes and she saw every bit of the lust they had shared for those wonderful, amazing months still simmering just as hot as ever. He slid his hand up her arm to her neck, giving a quick squeeze. He dropped it to her waist and pulled her toward him. She felt herself breathing faster. Her cheeks flushed as her body remembered the last time he had touched her waist, when he’d thrown her face-down on his bed and ripped her pants down over her ass. She didn’t care about the torn material. She just wanted his lips and tongue and fingers in all the places he liked to put them that made her crawl out of her skin it felt so good…

 

He saw the memory in her eyes and smiled. He leaned his forehead into hers, eye-to-eye, nose-to-nose and kissed her. Oh god, his kisses. The dam broke and she was liquid. She pressed into him and kissed him back, loving the way their lips exulted in this unforeseen but wonderful reunion. She licked and bit and sucked with the all the pain and passion of the past empty months, kissing him as if to eat him alive, as if to keep him with her forever this time. This was why she couldn’t forget him, couldn’t forget his touch, couldn’t forget the way he made her feel or the things he loved to do to her body.   

 

She was as much a slave to him as she ever had been.

 

He broke the kiss and grabbed his wallet. He threw some cash down on the bar and grabbed her hand. Without a word, he led her outside into the warm night air. He pulled her into the shadows of the building and kissed her again, his hands in her hair, his lips all over her face and neck. She held tightly to him, trying to memorize the feel of his hands as they grabbed her, his lips and teeth as he ran them over parts of her body that had been missing him for so long.

 

He pushed her back against the bricks, his forearm across the front of her shoulders and neck, pinning her. He reached under the hem of her dress and into her panties, pulling them aside and running his fingers where they hadn’t been in far too long. Her body knew what to expect and his fingers remembered exactly what they needed to do. He quickly brought her to the edge, and then stopped. He turned her around. Like old times, she felt his strong hand on the back of her neck, the rough brick against her face. She teetered on the verge of release, trying to hold back as she felt his finger slide her panties down over her ass. He reached around the front with his free hand as he pushed himself into her. She arched back against him, shoving him as deeply into her as she could. As his skilled fingers did their work in rhythm with each thrust, she felt the power of every time they had ever been together piling up, building and expanding until she was sure she couldn’t take any more, she couldn’t handle it, it was too much, too much, just too much and then it exploded, she exploded, they both exploded and every memory of every time and every touch shook her to the core until her breath gave out and her mind gave out and her legs gave out and she was liquid again, just liquid and she was melting…

 

He released her neck and helped her stand. He crushed his lips against hers, holding tightly to her head. She clung to him, getting her breath back, getting her legs back under her. She felt high, she was so giddy and euphoric. As always, she was sure he was made for her and she for him. There was no other explanation how two bodies could react to each other the way theirs did. There was no other explanation as to how months of pain could just disappear in a shadowy rut.

 

She happily wrapped her arms around him. She wouldn’t let him get away again. Or maybe she would. He might slip through her arms again, leaving her as he had before. She shrugged. No matter what, he’d be back. She was sure of it. They were made for each other.

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

DANCE THE TANTRA TANGO: And Celebrate Bastille Day

 

Photo credit:  Richard Anton Diaz

 

There is a definite connection between music and sex.  I met Jean-Claude last year at the bar at Jazz Standard.  He complimented my legs in a way that made me want to wrap them around his waist. Then he played out the beat of the music ever so lightly with his thumb on my knee.  By the time he was holding my hand and caressing my wrist, I had decided to go to bed with him.  What New York woman hasn't been enticed by a visiting Parisian?  We had four erotic nights together; and now, he writes, he will be back in town this week.   I wanted to take him to Tantra Tango Tuesdays at Sexy Spirits, but, his flight won't arrive in time.  Too bad.  How better to celebrate the French Revolution than by dancing the Argentine tango with a Frenchman?

 

"Tantra Tango?" he asked. "Is that some American's idea of a sexier tango?  You do know that the tango passion started in Paris, don't you?"

 

I did a little research and discovered that, yes, he's right about the history.  Tango was born in the Buenos Aries brothels in the mid-1800s and spread to the cities of Europe with Paris leading the first international Tango craze in 1912. Wealthy Argentinians didn't embrace their native dance until it was a success abroad.  Parisians also launched tango on its modern journey with the big stage show Tango Argentino in 1983.

 

But Tantra Tango is not to be dismissed as "some American's idea of a sexier tango."  It is a sexier tango.  Created by Richard Anton Diaz, World Champion Latin Ballroom Dancer and Tantra teacher, it "fuses the energies of Tantra with the dark, intimate dance of the tango."  Introducing the Tantric element, he says, "deepens connections that allow us to dance intimately with a stranger."

 

On Tuesdays nights the strangers come together at Sexy Spirits in midtown Manhattan.  The class is mostly for beginners and intermediate couples and singles.  Anton does recommend private lessons for newcomers to get the most out of the dances.  (When you go to the Sexy Spirits website to learn more on Tantra Tango Tuesdays, sign up for the newsletter, artistically illustrated and informative, a little gem in itself.)

 

He says," My desire to teach this most sensual social dance was in large part inspired by my lonely nights as bachelor when I got my 'fix' for intimacy and affection by simply going out to a Tango salon.  There I had the opportunity to be in close embrace with many women in one evening, their breasts pressed against my chest, our eyes closed inward as if making secret love. I went home alone, as desired, but felt so fulfilled from my intimate connections with women who, to this day, I don't even know."

Photo:  Anton and his lovely lady Rita

Go out and dance with a stranger tonight.  Maybe you'll find someone to join you after for a glass of red wine, some French cheese and a baguette.  Viva la France!

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

ASK AUNTIE SUE: Reader Questions on Cougars, Come Shots and Spanking

Photo Credit:  "Sexy Legs" by Stacey

 

The unifying thread running through this week's reader email questions:  How do I get what I want?  It's one of the questions people most often ask of sex advisers.  Bottom line:  You have to give a little to get a little.  

 

Q.  "The sex in my marriage is boring, but I don't want a divorce.  My wife is not adventurous.  Last night, I put a finger near her anus and she recoiled so violently, she almost broke my hand.  Lately, I can't stop fantasizing about sex with this older woman I've known for years.  She is very sexy and very open.  I've never cheated on my wife.  How can I do it with this woman--assuming she wants me too--without getting caught?"  Jay, 37, husband and father of twin girls, age four.

A.  You've got one thing right:  Divorce is not the answer.  The marriage is sound and the girls need you.  But the sex is dull. You must have an affair to save the marriage.  If you don't--or if you don't select your partner carefully--you could end up in one of those messy divorces, perhaps leading into an ill-advised second marriage.

 

Here's how you cheat without getting caught:  Keep your fingers away from her anus.  Give her sex once or twice a week, whatever is "normal" for the two of you--and do it her way.  Be an affectionate, non-demanding partner.  Do NOT bring home any new tricks you may learn.

 

Re. the Cougar:  On paper, the perfect choice for a safe affair.  But, of course, I don't know her.  Maybe she lives in your neighborhood and brags about her conquests.  Don't come to me if this blows up in your face.  However, your odds are better with her than, for example a single, younger woman.  We Cougars like the direct approach, accompanied by romantic ambiance.  We know what we're doing, but we like to be wined and dined before we do it.  Call her.  Take her out for champagne in an elegant setting.  If she doesn't pull back from your exploratory touches on hand, arm, face--you may just get that finger (or more) inside an anus.

Q.  "My guy got this idea from porn films:  He wants to cum on my breasts, cum on my face.  I don't want his sticky white stuff on my face or breasts.  There's only one place I want him to come:  inside my vagina.   He keeps asking.  How do I shut him up?"  Fresh and Clean, 26.

 

A.  Oh, Sugar, if re-enacting The Cum Shot is  is the only thing he wants you to do after watching a porn film--do it!  You can please him; and it won't hurt. You'll have a sex credit, meaning you can ask for something he doesn't like to give.  More foreplay?  More cunnilingus?  Erotic massage?  

 

I love to watch my guy cum; and I am happy to lend breasts or face to his cause.  Be pro-active.  Put out your tongue and catch his cum if waiting to see where it will land makes you tense.  Or tell him to aim for the breasts and massage it into your nipples.  Very sexy.  

Q.  "I've read your interviews and conversations with Alex Zola, the Spanking Man.  I've never been spanked and now I want to experience it.  If Zola didn't talk so much about his sex partners, I would email him and set up a date.  We both live in Manhattan, but his loose lips do not appeal.  What about putting an ad on craigslist?  Something like, 'Virgin butt wants to feel the burn?'"  Chloe, 31.

 

A.  Yes, one would attract quality gentlemen noted for their discretion by placing just such an ad--or maybe not.  I would not use craigslist to make a spanking connection.  Do you have the patience to interview 99 perverts and jerks to find the one good man with the hand?

 

Do you have a sex buddy, a.k.a, friend with benefits?  Tell him your spanking fantasy.  He might be into it or, if not, willing to set you up with a friend who is.

 

No sex buddy?  How about an ex?  No?  You live in Manhattan so you must have a hang-out bar, the neighborhood place where you stop for a drink on the way home or meet friends before going out.  Chat up the bartender.  She knows the proclivities of her customers and can make introductions.  

 

You are wise not to get in touch with Zola who would use you as material for his bar jokes and blog posts (as would I, after he told me all the details).  But listen to Auntie Sue:  There's no reason to believe a craigslist stranger will be a big improvement over The Zola.   In your fantasy, he's the perfect stranger.  In reality, probably not.  Put yourself out there and let trusted friends know what you want.  Give a little.

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

LILITH RISING: "INSTINCT"

It’s second nature

Much like the way one

Twirls their hair

Or taps their fingertips

For me to encircle your waist

And brush hand

Below your belt

I know, it bit brazen

When in public

But can’t help it

Just as instinctual

As leaning over

To kiss just above

Your navel

If you stand before me

As I’m seated

That perfect level…..

My body always

Glides against yours

When we’re out and about

Sashaying

Nestling

Inching right up

Into that perfect groove

Where your stiff attention

Always awaits

Have you ever noticed

How I always at some point

Glance at how

your trousers pitch

that’s how I judge your outfit

how well, how swell

your cock rests beneath it

how easy it is to spring it forth

and into me

THE SISTERHOOD OF THE VIBE: Sharing The Magic

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants has nothing on this sisterhood.

 

The women who market vibrators and other sex toys are passionate about empowering female sexuality.  They may be competitors in the retail world, but they have a shared mission:  to bring women quality products that enhance our sex lives--and sometimes rock our worlds.  A vibe is not just a sex toy; it's your erotic magic carpet ride.  (That's why I'm always sending you to Babeland to shop.) Nobody knows that better than the purveyors of those toys.

 

Claire Cavanah, the Manhattan-based co-owner of Babeland, told me:  "A manufacturer of high quality luxury vibes said he gives Babeland credit for creating that market.  I'm proud we have played a role in expanding what was a limited toy market to give women the kinds of toys they want to explore their own sexuality."

 

Claire and her partner Rachel Venning opened their first toy shop in 1993 "in response to a lack of woman-friendly sex toy stores."  Twenty-five years ago, our toy options were indeed limited. Last week, Dana Braverman Myers, co-owner with her husband Charlie, of Booty Parlor, told me about her first vibe shopping experience when she was a college freshman.

 

"Walking into a sleazy sex shop was part, 'Oh, wow, these toys exist!' and part "Ewwww.'  I grabbed a basic slim line vibe, paid for it and got out of there."

 

The little vibe initiated her into the joys of solo sex.  Rather than looking for a guy to give her an orgasm, she gave them to herself.  The vibe kept her from making the foolish boy choices too many girls do make at eighteen.

 

Mamas, when you have The Sex Talk with daughters, please tell them that vibes are both safe and satisfying. 

 

Dana led her girlfriends on sex toy shopping expeditions.  Eventually she combined her sexual missionary zeal with her love of beauty products to create Booty Parlor, the ultimate in home sex toy parties.  My favorite of Dana's line of luscious products:  Don't Stop Massage Candle.  This amazing candle melts at body temperature; and does double duty as romantic lighting and massage oil.

 

 

Here's my simple Sex Tip of the Day:  Light His Fire

 

• Light the candle.  Tell your man to lie back and enjoy the aprhrodisiac fragrance while you kiss and caress him.  
• Once he has a hard erection, drizzle some of the warm oil from the candle onto his nipples.  Use your thumbs in circular motion to massage them.  
• Tweak and nibble his nipples as you drizzle warm oil at the base of his penis.  
• Lace your fingers together, holding his penis lightly inside them; and use your thumbs (dipped in the oil) to massage in upward strokes on the sensitive underside of his penis from base to head.  
• Oil your fingers and give him a hand job.