Photo credit: "Sexy Legs" by Stacey
I've asked my friend and excellent photographer Carolyn to photograph my legs in black lace thigh high stockings and stilettos. We are rendezvousing in August at our friend Marilyn's house in Maryland to accomplish that. Soon Auntie Sue's real legs (which are, quite frankly, damn nice) will grace this column. While you wait, I will solve the reader email problems of the week. The good questions this week all came from women. Unusual. Where are my Boys?
Q. "My new boyfriend likes to lick my asshole which I find unsettling. I don't want to kiss him after. Really I don't want to kiss him until the next date after. Is annalingus one of those "Must Do" sex acts for the modern woman? Or is there a good reason to refuse?" Ginger, 27.
A. Everyone is entitled to at least one free Sex Act Blackball--Just say No; no argument permitted. Say, 'Honey, I love your mouth on my mouth and clit and in my pussy--but I don't like it there.' Fold your arms and tell him: 'Non-negotiable.' I don't like annalingus, or rimming, either. Babes, if you do enjoy it, shower together first. Use a piece of plastic cling film or a dental damn between tongue and anus. Some of the diseases that can be transmitted by mouth to anus contact include Hepatitis A and oral gonorrhea.
Remember the "Sex and the City" episode where Miranda asked the girls when men started kissing assholes? One of my gal pals had an amusing retort to that: Women have been kissing assholes since the beginning of time; we just don't have to turn them around to do it.
Q. "Why do men like to talk about the other women they've had--while they're in bed with you? I've been seeing this guy for a few months. Last night his idea of foreplay was a little kissing, a little squeezing--and the story of how he still masturbates to a photo in his phone of his ex-lover coming. That shut me down. He said I was jealous and possessive. What should I have done?" Laine, 38.
A. You should always do what you want to do, not what other people, even me, tell you to do. I would have asked to see the pic and deleted it--just for spite--before I threw him out of my bed (or jumped out of his). This has nothing to do with jealousy or possessiveness. A man whose idea of foreplay is a little kissing and a little squeezing and a little story that turns him on is not a good lover. Some women do find such foreplay confessions arousing, just as some women like to be called "bitch, slut, whore" while being slapped on the ass--and other women, me, for instance, will demand, "Whom do you think you're calling a bitch, slut, whore you ignorant bastard?"
A good lover pays attention to his (or her) partner's responses and refines his (or her) game to suit. Sounds like your body figured that out and shut him out. You handled it perfectly, Babe.
Q. "I read your post on orgasms last week--and I don't understand how some expert can invalidate my sexual experience by saying there is NO vaginal orgasm! I come from intercourse. I come from my G spot vibe. I come vaginally! Why are experts always telling women what kind of orgasm they can have? I'm not kidding myself about my orgasms, am I?" Maria, 31.
A. Nobody can invalidate your sexual experience! Your question, however, indicates the effect all this expert judgment of what gives women an orgasm has on some real women. They question their own responses. That expert, Dr. Betty Dodson, isn't saying you don't have orgasms in the ways you describe. She's merely asserting her thesis that the clitoris has a long tangle of nerve endings going far into the vagina in some women--and that your "vaginal" orgasm is thus really "clitoral." It's semantics. Po-ta-to, po-tah-to.
Is the G spot connected to the clit? Some say yes and some say no. Does it really matter to a woman who experiences glorious orgasms through G spot and vaginal stimulation? No. PhDs have to stake out their claims and establish their platforms to be taken seriously by other PhDs. You and I, Babe, can just enjoy.
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