A big story in the local New York City news this week highlights the risks inherent in finding your sex partners online. WABC newsman George Weber was brutally murdered by a crazy teen who answered his craigslist ad for "rough sex." Jamie Bufalino's sex advice column in Time Out New York went to press before the incident--but couldn't be more timely. His answer to a young woman asking if she should go on Craigslist to find a man who would dominate her (because she is too shy to share with a man she knows) begins with:
"Okay, let's think about this for a second: You're telling me that you'd feel better about meeting a complete (possibly homicidal) stranger for some dom-sub fun than telling someone you're close to about your (perfectly unshocking) fantasies? That's some bad decision making...."
I am a big fan of Jamie's. His answers to a variety of sex questions every week are smart, witty--and practical. Nobody does it better.
While reassuring her that she is "not a freak," he tells the wanna-be sub how to explore her fantasies safely, in part by using Craigslist. Email the guy whose post turns you on, he says, and get into a little online dialogue. Make it clear you aren't looking for a hook-up. (Pretend to be married.) Use that same MO to initiate dialogues with other BDSM posters.
And he concludes with:
"...if you want to get a feel for how many other folks out there think like you do, keep cruising the Craigslist posts and talk to whoever will give you the time of day. Not only will this exercise provide you with tons of masturbation material, it will eventually give you enough confidence about your place in a fairly mainstream sexual community. Then you'll be able to finally fess up to a nonanonymous someone who can actually make your fantasy come true."
Jamie, this is not only good advice, but it could potentially save a life. Love you, Babe. Keep up the good work.
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