I was sitting around chatting with my pal Steve Otero at Sexy Spirits the other day about his love/sex life--which is, at the moment, on a low fire. He is a sweet and handsome guy and also one of the most well-informed people on the history of sex I've ever met. Steve is indispensable to most of us writing about sex. He sends us almost daily links to articles and studies from numerous sources that are just exactly what we each need at the time. (No group emails of the same info! This is targeted information.) If you are wondering where you read a specific article years ago, Steve can tell you that too.
"I don't really want a girlfriend," he said, "but I want a girlfriend experience, just not the kind you pay for."
What's a Girlfriend Experience? Here's Steve on that:
"Call girls sometimes advertise that they offer a Girlfriend Experience, meaning they will, for a price, provide more intimacy than the standard exchange with the client. They will kiss, French kiss and cuddle afterward."
They might even, according to Steve, call the guy "honey" and ask about his day.
"I want that," he said. "Affection and a little kindness and sex. Then we both go our separate ways and may not see each other again for weeks."
But the women he's encountered either want a relationship or offer a hook-up, no affection included.
"For various reasons, I am in a place where a relationship isn't possible," he explains. "But a girlfriend experience would be nice."
How does that differ from having a sex buddy or friend with benefits?
"It's the pretense while you're together," he said. "She acts like a girlfriend but only while she's with you. Friends with benefits don't pretend to be anything else."
I thought about that. He's right. Sex buddies, in fact, are careful not to get too "intimate" with one another. Yes, I want that experience too, a Boyfriend Experience--good sex, affection and kindness, the pretense of caring for the time we spend together.
Now that shouldn't be so hard to get, should it?
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