SexyPrime, a blog by Susan Crain Bakos

WHY WOMEN LIKE DOING IT DRESSED-- A Little Science From the UK and Reports from France and Monaco

 
Photo Credit:  "Sensual Rose" on Photobucket

 

Sex Wardrobe Basics—my series of sex techniques and positions incorporating favorite clothing pieces and accessories—is the most popular category on SexyPrime.  Apparently I am not alone in finding some clothing more alluring than nudity all the time.  I associate the American habit of totally naked sex with “hippies” who insisted on everything “natural” which included lots of wheat germ and no make-up in addition to a prohibition against attractive clothing.  Really, that’s just another form of American Puritanism, isn’t it?  And how many hot vegans have you ever met?

A UK study found that half of all women prefer to keep some clothes on during sex.  They cited body issues—issues that were alleviated by keeping on certain clothing pieces, especially bras, the most commonly worn item.  24% of women claimed that bras made them feel “sexier.”  (Remember Sarah Jessica Parker’s bed scenes in the TV series, “Sex and the City?”  She had a no-nudity clause in her contract so she always wore her bra to bed.) 

A spokesperson for MyCelebrityFashion.co.uk, which conducted the poll of 1,563 people, said:

This research has really unveiled how large a part clothes play when it comes to female body confidence.

The fact that such a large proportion of women claim to feel sexier with an item kept on suggests that, whilst body confidence might be low, clothes can really improve a woman’s self-image.

Yet women need to remember that men really don’t care about their wobbly bits…

Yes, good advice all around.

And more good advice from Jamie Cat Callan—

When I asked her why upscale French women and celebrities of a certain age don’t look like aliens from another planet as they do here, she wrote—

Hello Susan--

French women do not go in for the cosmetic surgery the way American women do!

They do have minor things done, with the goal to maintain their individuality and quirky good looks.  I know what you mean about some bad surgery--I was in Palm Beach a couple of years ago at the opera--I turned around and I swear all the femmes d'un certain age looked exactly alike--not old, not exactly young, just kind of alien.

French women may do a few very subtle things, but the goal is that they still look beautiful --for their age--not to look like their 29.

I will be back in France in September and try to get the full scoop!

Love, Jamie

While we wait for that scoop, here’s Carolyn on what French women are saying about Dominique Strauss-Kahn and her comments on Monaco (where she is now.)—

…They all agree that DSK is a grabber and womanizer, but they say so are most powerful men.  They don't like his behavior but fear that some scary right wing politicians are benefitting from this and that may be worse than the lech they know.   

Again, I hear as I did in Paris that the French are appalled at the handcuffs and still question the timing of the accusation.  He was the Presidential frontrunner.

From Monaco—

The cars and the clothes are incredible.  We ate overpriced ice cream at the cafe de Paris which overlooks the casino.  The passing parade of beautiful people and their Ferraris were worth the extra euros.  

In preparation for the wedding, there were porta-potties lining the castle wall and banners hanging from the lamp posts.  I'm told they're having an Eagles !!!!??? concert for the masses.  Allso a famous French singer will perform.  Omega yachts fill the harbor.  I think the wedding is a big deal for Monaco but not as big as the wedding of William and Kate because Albert is pretty long in the tooth.

While we await more news from Europe, I am working on a new Sex Wardrobe Basic for the holiday weekend—Push-Up Bra Sex Tricks.  And next week on Science Tuesday—do women who like anal sex have more orgasms and why?

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

WHAT'S NEWLY SEXY IN YOUR BRAIN--And Will Men Ever Learn Not To Tweet, Email and Text Their Penis Shots?--It's Science Tuesday!

 
 Photo Credit:  "Very Sexy Eye" on Photobucket

 

Neuroscience is the sexy science—continually giving us new information not only about the parts of the brain we know are related to sexuality—like the areas that light up in orgasm—but enticing us with new findings in other areas.  It’s like discovering that your little Manhattan foyer has hidden walls and can double as a library.  Cool.

I get turned on by new learning.  Really, turned on.  I feel a flush of excitement like I do upon opening a royalty check or finding a designer treasure for a great price at Loehman’s or biting into a French chocolate or waking up to Dan Taylor’s voice. 

As Susan Gaidos reports in "Cerebral Delights" in Science News, the amygdala (uh-MIG-duh-luh)—two clumps of almond-shaped cells, one on each side of the brain and buried deep—signals pleasure to me even before the other brain areas play their role in interpreting the pleasurable sensations.  The amygdala is like the trumpet sound preceding the messages that chocolate tastes good and also makes me feel sexy, remind me I like money and sensual fabrics—and that Dan’s voice is sometimes soothing, challenging or amusing and sometimes very arousing, but is at play in my head, teasing me awake.

The amygdala, a part of the brain known for signaling fear when we are in a situation potentially damaging to our fiscal well-being or physical safety, actually helps shape behavior both in response to fright and pursuit of pleasure.  Click on the above link to this article and read about the very well connected little piece(s) of brain property.  Linked to all five senses through a complicated cell network, it also communicates in depth with the prefrontal cortex, the center for decision-making and planning.

Gaidos writes--

“Its strategic location allows the amygdala to act as a spotlight, calling attention to sensory input that is new, exciting and important. In this way, it helps predict the timing and location of potential dangers, helping you dodge many of the things you dread. But those same connections also help you acquire the good things in life, by identifying and assessing rewards such as food, sex and other delights.”

 And—

“A deeper knowledge of the neural circuitry that regulates emotional responses may help scientists understand what goes awry in addiction and psychiatric disorders and may allow scientists to find new ways to intervene in times of distress.

“New discoveries could lead to medications and therapies designed to treat mood disorders such as depression, where stimuli that were previously pleasing aren’t anymore.”

Recent neuroscience research has also given us more insight into Borderline Personality Disorder.  The brains of BPD sufferers don’t look like the brains of others in fMRI studies.  A psychiatric illness affecting an estimated18 million Americans, BPD is an excruciatingly painful emotional dysregulation disorder that can be both debilitating and deadly—because those afflicted with BPD are 400 times more likely to commit suicide.  Shamed and blamed for their behaviors, they actually lack the basic brain function that helps the non-affected create and sustain personal relationships, control impulsive behavior—and more.

If you or a loved one has a BPD diagnosis, read about the Baylor and Mount Sinai Medical Center studies.  And check out a SexyPrime post on how Buddhist meditation is proving helpful in conjunction with therapy, for many in re-programming their brains.

Now what does all this tell us about men, like Congressman Weiner, who continue to tweet, text and email photos of their naked penises to women they only “know” through the internet?

Allow me a little tongue-in-cheek interpretation:  Maybe it says their amygdala is confusing the danger with the delight signal—or they are confusing the signal when they receive it.  They think their brain is telling them, Yes, send that pic now!—when really it’s saying, “Are you crazy?  This will end up on Fox news shortly after you have defended women’s right to abortion on the House floor.”

Gentlemen, choosing to “send” is what is known as “thinking with the small brain.”  You can’t trust that little guy with technology beyond the sex toy.

 
Image Credit:  "Sexy Brain" by Ashley on Photobucket

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

DO ATHEISTS HAVE BETTER SEX?--And New Sex Science Surveys on Moody Men; Handsome Men and Picky Women

 
Image Credit:  "Sexy Lady" on Photobucket

 

“We don’t need to see sex as spiritual in order to see it as transcendent,” Greta Christina, “Why Atheists Have Great Sex” on Alternet.  

 

Kimmie, Carolyn and five other people sent me the link to this article.  Does that give you a clue to where I stand on organized religion?  I respect the devout church/mosque/temple-goers—but so often they, especially the Christians in my experience, are not respectful of non-believers.  It's their way or the road to hell.  Guess who else castigates the atheist/humanist/skeptic?

As Greta Christina notes, the spiritual sex wing of the sex-positive community can be equally smug and snooty about their connection to “…many varieties of Wicca, Goddess worship, shamanism, Tantra, astrology, chi, chakras, belief in a collective metaphysical consciousness, and other forms of New Age belief and magical thinking.”

I have been cornered at Sex World events and private parties by the New Devout, especially those middle-age women, the self-described “goddesses”.  They are as evangelical as born-again Christians—with an added pitch:  They experience spiritual sex—a higher, more “intimate”, superior kind of “soul touching”—while we non-believers are doing it on a lower plane. 

I refer them to neuroscience studies of the female orgasm.  An orgasm is an orgasm, lighting up the same areas of every woman’s brain, in the fMRI machine.  As these studies become more well-known, they should end the vaginal-vs-clitoral debates (but probably won’t.)  More to the point of this topic, the science also shows us that Jesus freaks, goddesses, and non-believers share the same brain orgasm map.  We read (or experience) the map differently, depending on the state of our consciousness, something created by the brain in ways we know not how (yet.)

Greta Christina makes an impassioned argument, beginning with this—

“The materialist view says that there is no supernatural world…only the physical world. All those things that seem non- physical — thoughts, feelings, choices, selfhood, transcendent sexual ecstasy, consciousness in general — are actually products of the brain, and of the brain’s interactions with the rest of the body and the rest of the world. We don’t yet know exactly how this works — the science of neuropsychology is still in its infancy — but the overwhelming evidence we have so far is that this seems to be so.

"And to me, this is not a downer. This is magnificent.”

Read her essay.  It is brilliant, beautiful and transcendently erotic in celebration of physical sex.  Who says atheists have no “soul?”

In other sex science news, researchers in Germany and the University of Cambridge, UK, studied the shapes and sizes of facial features in chimps, gorillas and other primates and concluded that women’s preference for handsome faces over brute force influenced the evolution of the male face.

In the article, “Handsome Men Evolved Thanks to Picky Women” by Andy Coghlan in The New Scientist, Eleanor Weston, a member of the team at the Research Insitute Senckenberg in Frankfurt, says it’s all in the teeth and cheekbones.

“Prominent canine teeth which still signify a male's dominance and fighting ability in many primates like baboons and gorillas, may have been replaced by less aggressive teeth and looks.

“Broader faces with prominent cheekbones, not unlike those of contemporary movie stars including Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom and Viggo Mortensen, were picked preferentially by females.”

Well, thank the evolutionary gods for our picky ancestors.

And, finally, a survey reported by the UK’s The Telegraph in “Moody men ‘more attractive’ than happy men" tells us that women prefer moody men—while men are drawn to smiling women.  The ladies of “The View” weren’t entirely in agreement with these conclusions.  I’m not either.  I like men with the ability to dance on the edge of the volcano while smiling, making a challenge look easy.  Life is too short for moping around.  Did James Bond mope?

“Happy men don’t get the girl,” the survey says.

Really?

The authors of the study seem to equate “moody” with both strong and powerful and “Bad Boys.”  Generally, I have found that strong, powerful men know how to win people over to their ideas—and that requires a degree of charm and some people skills.  The Bad Boys I’ve known had similar abilities.  I associate “moody” with under-achieving, pretentious artistic types.

Read the article and tell me what you think.

Send me your stories of passion with SexyBeasts if you haven’t already—and don’t miss Kimmie’s next installment of “Dirty Little Secret” tomorrow.

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

 

IT'S SCIENCE TUESDAY--Gender Power Studies, The Science of Creepiness-and THE ORGASM MANIFESTO

 
Photo Credit:  "Banana Lovers Sleeping Together" on Photobucket

 

So many of my emails these last several days have focused on 1.  The Desperate Women, Beastly Men Survey, with some readers saying they don’t want to hear about those men anymore—and more readers continuing to speak as Desperate Women and nice guys who don’t know what the DWs see in “those assholes.”  A number of readers have either asked for my opinion or posited their own theories on:  Why do powerful men behave so badly? –and--  What makes one man creepy and another simply expressing his non-traditional, non-vanilla sexuality?

A London reader want to know, “Is there a science of sexual creepiness?”

Last question first:  Alas, no.  I have been looking for just that.  Maybe we should launch this new scientific discipline and see if we can get the study of it accredited at a major university. 

My pal Steve Otero sent me a link to a web piece by a woman who seemed to be saying male sexual behavior is not creepy, but we (meaning women, society, the media) castigate male sexuality and label it “creepy”. 

“What’s wrong with a married man fathering a child by the maid?”  she asked.

Oh, please.

Any man who presses his attentions on a woman who has clearly let him know she is not interested is a creep.  If he persists after being told to stop, he’s a creeper.  If he acts forcefully to get his needs met, he is a sex abuser, rapist or at the very least guilty of sexual harassment.  A foot fetishist who acts upon his desire with willing partners is practicing non-traditional, or non-vanilla, sex.  A foot fetishist who demands, “Show me your feet!” is a creep who becomes a harasser the minute he pushes against a woman or grabs her roughly and tries to force her to do his bidding.

Everything is defined in terms of power and consent—not the nature of the sexual act itself.

There is a science of gender power, if not specifically of creepiness.  M sent me the link to a Wired report, quoting psychologists, on men corrupted by power to the point where they lose the ability to empathize with the relatively powerless.  But the New York Times ran "A Sexist Pig Myth" refuting the idea that power corrupts men into sexual harassers or worse.  (It’s not the power; it’s your nature.)

Two weeks ago I reported on a study that shows women in powerful jobs cheat just like men.

I am also looking for reliable studies on men who were sexually abused as boys by adult women—even if they “consented” to the sexual activity.  (Children cannot consent; and in spite of what the Catholic Church seems to be saying lately 10 is not the age of consent.)   Send me any information you have.

Many women hand over too much of their power to men.  It's fun to turn over the reigns in the bedroom.  No fun to have them forcefully grab those reigns or continue to hold on to them when the game has been played.

Like M who yesterday proposed the controversial, Sex dates before dinner dates—I propose a controversial idea:  The Orgasm Manifesto.  The female orgasm can defeat creeps and creepers and render the harassers impotent.

Don’t tell me that women don’t want an orgasm every time or need to reach orgasm to find sex fulfilling.  I do not believe it.  If orgasms didn’t matter, no woman would ever refuse sex with her man—because she would be lapping up the “closeness” and “intimacy” like a devoted dog.  Every woman should have an orgasm any time she wants it, every time.

That’s why I created The Orgasm Loop, a little piece of science meeting sex technique that can change your life.

Take your Orgasm Power, Babes.  I am woman, hear me roar when I cum.  Now that is gender power.

I want to do The Orgasm Manifesto Studies:  How Claiming Pleasure Empowers Women.

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

WHY WOMEN JUDGE EACH OTHER HARSHLY, More on Oxytocin and Sexual Imprinting--It's Science Tuesday

 
Photo Credit:  "Pretty Feet" by Tiffany Calderone on Photobucket

 

Actress Ellen Barkin, 57, on beauty tips for women of a certain age, excerpted from an interview in The New York Post—

“You can’t wear hair down to there when you’re over 40 unless you’re Julianne Moore.  The skinny old woman’s nightmare:  From behind, you look 28 and then you turn around and they go Argh!

 “No two-piece bathing suits.  No bathing suits!  Only swim with close friends and family.  Who needs to swim?

“Don’t take your clothes off.  There’s no reason to except for someone who loves you—and then you don’t care.”

 

On Monday the ladies of “The View” discussed a Brit survey reported in the U.K. Daily Mail  that my pal Steven Otero, co-founder of Sexy Spirits, also sent me.  (Steven is on top of the sex news and is, in fact, a superior internet researcher on any topic.  If you are looking for a research consultant, he is your man.)  Leading with the question, Is Helen Mirren [who looks fabulous in a bikini] too old to wear one—the article posted the results from two thousand women (stats in parenthesis).  “The View” babes and my friends Marilyn and Carolyn also weighed in on this series of questions: 

At what age is a woman too old to—wear a bikini (47), long hair (53), a ponytail (51), stilettos (51), trainers (a.k.a. sneakers, 44), see-through chiffon blouses (40) a bathing suit (61)?—and more.  But one-third of the women quizzed did come down on the side of:  If you’ve got it, flaunt it.

Carolyn said, “I'd be suspicious of any poll conducted by an organization called Diet Chef.  What do you want to bet they're a lot of overweight women with low self-esteem?  If they can't be hot, neither can anyone else who doesn't fit within the proverbial Playmate age range.”

Marilyn said, “Oh, damn, what am I going to do with my chiffon see-through blouses?” And, “Yeah, they [survey respondents] prefer women bosses too.”

On “The View”, Barbara Walters held up pics of celebs older than 47 looking smashing in their bikinis.

That reminded me of a recent exchange I had with a woman, somewhere between 20 and 35—You know how hard it is to judge age on a very fat person—who said to me apropos of nothing in the hat section of Lord &Taylor, “Well, good for you that you are still wearing jeans at your age.  My mother says over 50 is too old for jeans.”

“Why, thank you,” I said, “I wear a size 2; and I think that it’s a matter of size, not age.  Nobody over a size 10 should wear jeans.” I stared hard at her ample hips and thighs bound in denim in a size so far beyond 10 that my brain does not go there.  “What size are you?”

She blushed a violent red and turned away; and I bought a hat that the O Man tells me is “just right” for me because it looks like a hat men wore in the 50s when they had all the power.

Truthfully, I have no opinion on what age or size anyone “should” stop wearing jeans or bikinis.  When provoked, I am a grand mistress of wounding words.  I’ve often said that the young are foolish to be arrogant about being young since youth is the one thing we all have and lose.  Be arrogant, if you will, about talent, intelligence, exceptional ability, sterling character, even beauty, but if youth is all you have—you will too soon have nothing.

Why do women judge each other so harshly?  (Can you imagine 2,000 men passing judgment on what age men should stop wearing or doing anything?)  We learn that nasty behavior early on at Mommy’s knee.  Women typically put down other women (especially when they are not around) on the basis of looks, dress and sexual behavior.  Men just don’t do that to one another.

 

While we’re on the subject of studies—last week I told you about oxytocin’s (the “love” or “cuddle” hormone) dark side.  Another study reported in the May 11 Neuropsychopharmacology suggests that women with lower levels of oxytocin in their blood in the last trimester of pregnancy are at greater risk of postpartum depression.  The Science News article warns that the research is too preliminary to draw significant conclusions, but it is interesting.  The more we learn about this hormone—which the body produces in larger amounts during sexual activity, especially orgasm—the more we realize the importance of sexual activities to our health and well-being.

That thought leads me to sexual imprinting, the science post that led to the Desperate Women, Beastly Men survey. Many SexyPrime readers have shared the details of their own early sexual imprinting and postulated on how those experiences and early arousal triggers relate to their sex lives now.  On Thursday I will quote some of them (anonymously, as always) in the survey report.  And on Friday,  Freddie, the Demanding Footman--a cautionary tale for every woman who thinks if she could just find a man who'd pay for dinner...

Freddie, who admits to preying on desperate women and brags about his ability to select and manipulate them, is simply a less powerful version of Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the International Monetary Fund head currently held on Rikers Island on charges arising from sexually assaulting a hotel maid.  His lawyer, of course, says it was consensual sex.  

[Update, July 30:  Now we just don't know what happened in that hotel room.]

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POWERFUL WOMEN CHEAT LIKE MEN--And Other Science News from the Dark Side

 
Photo Credit:  "Lady" by Linda Terry on Photobucket

 

For years I have been questioning the polls, surveys, studies and considered opinions of the experts who say that men cheat much more than women do.  (Just for starters, if women are so pure, whom are all these men cheating with?)  Ha! A new study conducted by researchers at Tilburg University in Holland and reported in the U.K. Telegraph, found that women in positions of power were just as likely to have affairs as their males counterparts.

Dr Joris Lammers, the lead psychologist, said, "There's been a lot of research indicating gender is the key factor but none of these studies have been done on powerful women...As more and more women are in greater positions of power and are considered equal to men, then familiar assumptions about their behaviour may also change. This may lead to increased negative behaviours among women that in the past have been more common among men."

The research team studied 1,561 professionals--

• 58 per cent had non-management positions,
• 22 per cent were supervisors,
• 14 per cent were in middle management and six per cent were in senior management.

The participants were questioned about past affairs and their desire to have an affair--and how often they traveled for business and other questions related to access and opportunity.   Psychologists evaluated their levels of self–confidence--which, no surprise, strongly correlated with their power at work.  The unfaithful held the most power and had higher levels of self–esteem--whether they were men or women.

For centuries women's survival was dependent on men.  Now many women can get along just fine on their own.  With economic parity comes female power. 

I've been mulling this over as I read the women's responses to the Desperate Women, Beastly Men survey.  Some of the desperate women are well-paid professionals, but clearly lacking in self esteem.  Some of the women who say they never were desperate or were at one point, but defeated the behavior, have modest incomes--but their sense of self is proud and positive.  Next Tuesday I'll publish the survey results and a selection of comments that should provoke a dialogue.

In other science news from the dark side--if, of course, you think that having an affair is "dark"--studies are reporting that oxytocin, the "cuddle hormone" a.k.a. "the love hormone", has a mean streak.  This brain chemical produced during lovemaking, especially orgasm, helps lovers bond to one another.  It has enjoyed such a rosy reputation that some psychologists have considered administering it to various patients who have difficulty in social situations.  Not so fast--

According to evidence presented at the annual meeting of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology (as reported in a Science News article) oxytocin might make an anti-social person even more so.

"Apparently oxytocin amplifies whatever social proclivities a person already possesses, whether positive or negative," says psychologist Jennifer Bartz of Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York City.

I encourage you to read the Science News report, especially if you or your beloved suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder.

Hmmmm......I wonder if it makes powerful women even more assertive and filled with self esteem?

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

 

 

A BILLION WICKED THOUGHTS--What Sex Surfing Says About True Desire

 
Image Credit:  "Sesual" by Marte

 

Ogi Pgas and Sai Gaddam, two young neuroscientists, have revolutionized the scientific study of sexual desire.   In their book, A Billion Wicked Thoughts:  What The World’s Largest Experiment Reveals About Human Desire (Dutton), they report on the secret sexual behavior of more than a hundred million men and women globally.  How is that possible?  They examined internet searches, analyzing a billion web searches, a million websites, a million erotic videos, a million erotic stories, millions of personal ads and tens of thousands of digitized romance novels.  Linking that behavioral data with their knowledge of cutting edge neuroscience, they interpret web sex surfing into theories on human desire.  What men and women really want is not, it seems, always what they say they want. 

For example, the authors report (among many other things) that:

• Men will say they like thin women, but their search habits indicate that they prefer plump women to thin.
• Gay and straight men have almost identical sexual interests—except for their gender partner preference.
• Women like reading and viewing gay porn—which may explain why the fastest growing subgenre of EroRom is male/male romance.
• Though men profess a preference for younger women, they like to view women in their 50s and 60s having sex.
• Nothing is too strange to be arousing to someone—from adult babies in wet diapers to extreme bondage.

This book is a fascinating read.  Truly, you won’t be able to put it down.  But you will also stop occasionally and ask, Does every sex surfing hit represent the search for arousal?  Or do we sometimes click on “lesbian bondage porn” or “grannie porn” or “foot fetish” simply out of curiosity to see what it looks like?  Or even to make fun of it?

The authors’ conclusions about the hardwired desire and arousal differences in the male and female brains seem valid.  A man, for instance, can become aroused by one physical cue, while a woman needs multiple cues.  The chapter, “Erotical Illusions:  The Creative Power of Cues:  What the Mona Lisa smile, Oreo cheesecake, and paranormal romance have in common” is one of the best.

They also come back to one conclusion that seems inescapable in the study of human desire: 

The desire of the man is for the woman; the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man.

That’s not wholly true, but certainly being desired is very arousing to women, even to the point of causing them to choose men they do not desire.

Their chapter subtitles attempt to put the information into context for us:

• Why women like barons, billionaires , and serial killers. 
• What the Mona Lisa smile, Oreo cheesecake, and paranormal romance have in common. 
• Why there is no such thing as female Viagra and women have the most sophisticated brain on earth.

A Billion Wicked Thoughts is not a book you read once and never open again.  More than a learned provocative study, it’s a reference book for the people.  We will go back into it, again and again, looking for the answers to why we (and our beloveds) choose what we do online, alone with our elevated heartbeats, blood racing through our bodies, beads of perspiration above our lips.

As the authors themselves ask, What do I do with all this information? 

I like their first of several responses:

“If you are a woman, then no matter what your attributes—big or skinny, A-cup or double-E mother or grandmother, you are the sexual ideal and greatest erotic fantasy for an abundance of men.  Similarly, if you are a man, no matter what your character—aggressive or pacifist, witty or stoic, rich or penniless, scarred or delicate—there are plenty of women who can fall inlove with you, and if their love is reciprocated, fell intense desire for you.”

Enjoy the book.  It’s fun with science—and as a science geek, I love that.

 

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

EROTIC FLOWERS, POEMS, CHOCOLATE and THAT VOICE--How Women Desire

 
Photo credit:  "Sensual Flower" by Sharkey on Photobucket 

 

 

"What can I do to turn my wife on?"  a reader asked.  "Don't tell me flowers, poetry and chocolates?"

Dear Reader of the Closed Mind, sometimes the traditional ways are best.  Numerous studies have shown the correlation between chocolate and sexual desire in women--and on the arousal power of words and a good voice.  If you are a regular reader of SexyPrime, you know I have a crush on   Dan Taylor, The Morning Man on 101.1 in New York City.  Inspired by that crush, I did some research last year, resulting in a science post on the power of aural arousal--and I am still hearing from women who 1. are also aroused by a sexy voice and 2.  share my crush on DT.  In fact, every time I mention him on SexyPrime, I get emails from my sisters of the DT crush.  We should form a group and have a monthly champagne breakfast with that voice on the sound system.  Possibly an unrequited crush is best shared in the company of other crushers.  (Oh, right, that is the concept behind fan clubs.  I am late to the celebrity crush.)

Now reader, more news:  Psychologists at Muhlenberg College in Pennsylvania were looking for evidence of a purely evolutionary aspect to female desire.  They didn’t find that.  (Modern women are more complicated than ovulation equals desire.)  Rather, the evidence seems to indicate that women’s desire is not strictly linked to fertility.  Read Stephanie Pappas’ report on Live Science.

The women in the study viewed Georgia O’Keefe’s suggestively anatomical flower paintings and compared them to less sensual works of other artists.  They did find the flowers sensual and arousing. I didn’t need a research grant to figure that out.  Women love O’Keefe who gave us the floral version of beautiful vaginas.

The first step of my revolutionary no-fail sex technique, The Orgasm Loop, is Visualize Arousal, inspired by O'Keefe.  I teach women to choose a mental arousal image and focus totally on their own arousal with that image in mind.  So many women pick an O’Keefe flower.

So dear reader, buy those chocolates and flowers and write her a poem, then read it to her in your most masculine voice.

See if you can get DT to record some poetry for me.

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

 

BLACK VIAGRA, DISCRETE LUBRICATION and MORE ON SEXUAL IMPRINTING--Your Sex Science Questions Answered

 

 

I love that you have so many sex science questions, I can’t get to them all in Monday’s Ask Auntie Sue where they have to fight for space with big issues like, "Should I go to bed with an obnoxious man?"  (I advised:  NO.)

So here is the update on the Big Sex Science questions consuming readers, like why you can get Black Viagra in Mexico but not the U.S., how Cialis is overtaking Viagra,  and the truth about the new Staxyn (just Levitra in a cool black package)—and more.

 

The Big Three ED Drugmakers Tweak Their Products

A California reader asked why he can buy “black Viagra” across the border in Mexico but not in his home city of San Diego.  Viagra Jet (its proper name) is simply a chewable version of Viagra, the little blue pill.  You will probably see it in the U.S. next year if Pfizer is unsuccessful in keeping generic Viagra off the market for another year.  But should they succeed, you likely won’t see Jet here—instead look for it in other “developing world” markets on your next jaunts to India or Thailand. 

In anticipation of the cheaper generic versions arriving at pharmacies soon, the makers of the Big Three ED Pills are tweaking their product to convince you that it’s new and different and better than the old model to justify the expense of choosing it over generic.  Levitra’s “new” product called Staxan, packaged in elegant black, fizzes and dissolves on the tongue without water—for the man who doesn’t want his partner to know.  But Cialis is stealing the market share with their “new” pills, different dosages of the classic C, packaged as Everyday Pills and “The Weekender,” which keeps the man in that willing and able to perform state (not painfully erect) for 36 hours.

While the tweaks to the pills are nice little improvements in delivery and/or packaging, they do not represent dramatic product changes, but rather marketing strategies.  Interesting how discretion seems to be the new market buzzword.  Tell me that is a sign that people will stop Tweeting the contents of their stomachs three times a day.

 

Yes, Lubrication Can Finally Be Discrete Too

Some women feel that vaginal dryness is the female equivalent of male Erectile Disorder (ED)—the indicator that sex parts are showing their age.  Others fear that dryness gives away another secret:  They are slow to arouse.  These women don’t want a new partner to know they moisturize in the pleasure zone. 

“I don’t want to haul around a big tube of KY just in case I get lucky,” a fortysomething woman wrote, “but I need a little help with the moistness down there, at least until we really get started fucking.”

Yes, the economy-sized bottle of your favorite lube may not travel well.  You can buy a variety bag of sample lube packets at Babeland.  Or you can pour a
“discrete” amount of my favorite Trust oil into one of those little bottles you transfer hair and cosmetic items into when you fly.  (Your check-out code for receiving a discount is “sexyprime.”) 

 Trust is truly discrete because it doesn’t leave behind a sticky residue.  It melts into your skin—your skin anywhere—making it softer, plumper, more moist.   I swear it stimulates natural lubrication in my vagina.  Let me know if you have that experience too.  By the way, no matter how young you are, Trust should be part of your sex kit.  Manual stimulation always feel better with slightly lubed fingers.  (Unlike genitals, fingers don't produce lubrication.) 

Another product that should be part of your daily moisturing regime from perimenopause (as young as late thirties) onward:  Replens (or the generic version) which is designed to stimulate moisture replenishment with regular use.

 

The Cautionary Note:  Restoring the Parts to High Function Doesn’t Mean You Will Get a Partner Who Isn’t So Crazy, He’s Probably Psychotic 

Now that we’ve created, with the help of science, a hard penis and a moist vagina—will sexual imprinting bring them together or push them apart?

Sexual imprinting fascinates me as well as my readers.  Our sexual tastes are at least partially imprinted on very youthful brains; and once they are, it's damn near impossible to attract someone who isn't programmed to respond to you.  After that post ran, I had dozens of questions from men and women wanting to know:  How can I get the details of my partner’s early sexual imprinting?

People, just ask.  Don’t your lovers enjoy talking about themselves and sharing sex secrets?  Ask what they remember about early arousal triggers.  Many of you were fascinated—as again I was—by the post-50 year old man whose sexual initiation was at the hands of a kinky sixty year-old women when he was only fourteen.  Frederick E. is into foot worship and being spanked—and claims to have been with only one woman younger than him in his life.  My brief involvement with him on a work project taught me that he also behaves like a bratty (and omigod whiny) teen boy determined to get his needs met every which way he can, whether the woman is willing or not.  Ironically, he claims he is very skilled as a Cassanova (or Pick-up Artist) and that he has five women on the line now, more “waiting in the wings” and meets a new volunteer every week.  Really, Freddie, really?  Hard to believe—and, if true, a sad commentary on the desperate loneliness of American women.

He describes his devotion to the older woman, Elva’s, feet and his excitement at being spanked by her.  In fact, he never speaks so lovingly of any woman as he does of his own ass being “properly” spanked. 

 

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime.

 

SEX CAN REGENERATE BRAIN CELLS-- Do you need another excuse for it?

 
Image credit:  "Orgasm" by Frederick Chilton on Photobucket

 

I love new “sex is good for you” scientific reports.  The News:  Physical exercise and regular sex can encourage brain cell regrowth—according to two studies published by an interdisciplinary team of Hong Kong researchers in the journal Cell Transplantation. 

Have you heard the slogan, “Change your mind and change your life?”  Everyone from weight loss and exercise gurus to my therapist touts this advice.  They really mean:  Change the way your brain works and you can change the behaviors that are making you unhappy.  We’ve long known about the emotional and physical benefits of exercise and sexual activity.  Now we’re beginning to learn through these studies and other work that the benefits of working up a sweat both ways extends to the brain.

Recently I reported on a book Buddha's Brain:  happiness, love & wisdom by Rich Hanson Ph.D. with Richard Mendius, MD (New Harbinger Publications), a guide to meditation with the goal of changing brain structure.  (Buddhist monks have proven this does work.)  Therapists on the cutting edge are advising meditation along with extended talk therapy to treat people with Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, until very recently deemed “untreatable,” perhaps because BPD isn’t easily “treated” or “cured” by drugs but requires more therapy sessions than insurers support. 

I got a few irate emails from people saying their lives were “ruined” by relatives, friends or co-workers with BPD and thus I don’t know what I am talking about.    (People, if you are as sane as you think you are and yet let anyone “ruin” your life—take some responsibility for the mishegass.)  Their responses just made it more clear to me what difficulty most people have in understanding really new information.

Neuroscience is where the most exciting scientific discoveries are happening.  I’ve said that neuroscience is the sexy science.  These new studies support my theory.

"The discovery of neural stem cells in the adult brain was a spectacular event that revolutionized the traditional view that the central nervous system did not generate new neurons in adulthood," said co-author Dr. Kwok-Fai So of the University of Hong Kong. "Our research is focused on questions about the function and physiological significance of neurogenesis and what factors promote or suppress neurogenesis.

"The studies reinforce the importance of a naturally occurring process that, until recently, was believed to be impossible."

Physical exercise and sexual activity promote neurogenesis.  I am eagerly awaiting the additional research that will explain more.  How exactly will those new brain cells work for us?

For example, the role of the hippocampus, an area of the brain involved in memory and emotional regulation, "remains poorly defined" according to the researchers.  They do know, however, that stress, especially depression and post-traumatic brain injury can shrink the hippocampus. And they posit that neurogenesis will have the effect of increasing happiness and well-being.

So hit the gym—and the bed—and in between, practice meditation.

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime