Photo Credit: "The Rose" from Photobucket
“I do some investigating amongst my own social circle—most men and women confess that the first person to open them up sexually was more often than not, quite a bit older than them,” Lily La Tigresse.
The man who truly opened me up sexually was 21 years my senior. I remember his tongue flicking across my clit like a thousand butterflies raising me to euphoria. Years later, the next man to create a sexual shift inside me was 16 years my junior, only 23. I should have been the far wiser; I wasn’t really. I’ve had other wonderful lovers, but these two guided me into erotic epiphanies.
There is much to be said for coming together from different places. The 98 women who answered the SexyPrime Younger Man/Older Woman Survey certainly think so. They are, however, both more practical and less sentimental about their relationships with younger men than the men are. (See "The Boys Speak Up.")
“It’s always the boys who develop the inappropriate feelings of attachment,” one woman wrote. Yes. I’ve seen that up close and personal.
"[The Younger Woman/Older Man] is the ideal relationship…the essence of European civilization…” says Stephen Vizinczey, author of the 1966 erotic classic In Praise of Older women, re-issued by Penguin Modern Classics in the U.K. Yet he tells British interviewers that he is no fan of cougars and their cubs. "No no, that's very different," he says dismissively. “These are not the women I was writing about. My book comes from a different civilisation." Alas, he finds shagging “disgusting.”
Vizinczey wrote in his autobiographical novel about intense young men and older, wiser sensual women in prose more passionate than explicit. Sex was never just about sex. Most of these 98 sexy ladies would laugh at that.
How the responses broke down--
- 75% of the women didn’t like the term “cougar” and 60% find “boy toy” or “cub” offensive.
“Cougar bothers me because it connotes an older woman going after a younger man. Ugh.”
“Cougar does not bother me, because it means SEXY older woman.”
Over half have had more than one involvement with a younger man—with age differences ranging from 5 to more than 25 and 7 to 12 years, the most commonly reported age gaps.
- Women characterize these relationships as “intense,” “fun,” “total escape,” “sexual nirvana”—but only 25% call it “love” or “serious.”
80% said the attraction was initially sexual with many adding “remains sexual” or is still “primarily sexual.”
- 50% said that the age difference does make the sex “different—while 50% said, Yes, it does. (I’ve never seen an even divide on a survey question before this one.) “Liberating being desired by a younger man, makes sex more intense.”
- 73% don’t think about the future. Some admitted they occasionally think about the day “he’ll take a good look at me in the morning light and wonder what he’s doing here.”—or “It will occur to him that he wants a child and it’s time to get serious about life.”
- Half said that the lovers benefit equally. 35% say they get the best of the arrangement, with only 15% believing the younger man is the winner.
Some of the comments:
“He is attentive and gives me the opportunity to be myself. I let my hair down. I love giving lap dances and being erotic. With an older man, I would feel shy or cheap.”
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“Sex ideally is about emotions and the body, but I don’t have ideal sex or gourmet meals every day. I didn’t get that with every bang in committed relationships, so why should I now? With boys, it is mostly about what the body, my body, wants.”
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“Ah, the young ones…..
I do have a young lover; he’s 31, a Senegalese immigrant, and I am 54. We are both doctors in London. People think I am with him because he must have a big penis. He is almost 2 m tall, and he is proportionate. I am with him because he makes me feel good, younger and beautiful again. He appreciates and desires me. As well, he respects me on the job. Men my age can’t pull all these things together at once.”
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Long, hot story from a 40 year old:
“I was out with friends at an over-30 bar and had a great time watching a group of early-20-something boys working on seducing a couple of 40-something blondes. It was very fun to watch, but as the night went on, the boys got drunker and stepped on their own dicks. The women left without them. I was walking to my car and passed them at a late-night hot dog stand. I stopped to ask them what went wrong, and one of the cutest ones started talking some serious shit to me. He was fun and witty and direct and the next thing I knew, we were in the parking lot making out. He called his friends to tell them to make it home without him, and then asked me for a ride to his apartment. In the moment, I loved the cockiness of that action and took him home, determined that I'd just drop him off and leave. Unfortunately, I had to pee and had to go into use the bathroom. As I stepped over pizza boxes and dirty laundry, I asked myself what the hell i was doing there, but then he kissed me and it was a surprisingly good kiss and we got pretty nasty that night. As I was getting ready to leave, he asked for my number. I just shook my head. He was so cute as his face showed surprise and disappointment! He said, "This is just going to be a one-time thing, then?" Yup. I never even told him my name, and that was fun, too. That was at least a 15-year age difference. At least.”
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And a cautionary note from a gorgeous Southern MLF who has so far resisted temptation:
“I still feel this little niggle in my brain like I'd be a pretty big bragging-rights notch on a young guy's bedpost. That suspicion keeps me from exploring the younger-guy option too much. I don't want to feel like a door prize. Plus, I'm afraid they might fall in love and it'll get messy. The last thing I need is a 23-year-old stage-five clinger calling, texting and Facebooking his angst to the world with my name on it.”
What about the question that led to the survey: Am I over boys?
I have a flirt going on with the man whose response to “Why do you want to be my cub?” stood out from all the others. (Full disclosure: We’ve had an email and phone flirtation going on for more than a year, since we “met” online through a mutual friend, the amazing sex educator and author, Tristan Taoromino.) He wants to rendezvous in Manhattan.
Will I or won’t I ask him, “Fancy a shag, darling?”
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