Oh, my, the spirited emails I’ve received these past few days! Who needs fireworks? I’ve heard from people who said I should not have exposed The Sexy Beast and others, like this woman—“Oh, excellent writing! Spot on! The right blend of wit and sarcasm”—who are glad I did, from cheating husbands and cheating wives and from the cheated upon—“I don’t like you so much if you were sleeping with a married man, even only briefly”—from lawyers, including lawyers delighted to learn M, the Ass-Master is one of them—“Sue, Baby, if you need another lawyer in your corner, I’m there”—from so many people disappointed that the saga of The Sexy Beast ended with “exposing another cheap, cowardly guy, unable to function without the derided Wife firmly in place as anchor”—and from many women who would “do him” if they weren’t put off by the “cheapness thing.”
The big message I hope we all get out of this: SINGLE PEOPLE, IGNORE THE SAD LAMENTS ABOUT MEAN SPOUSES AND MOVE ON. A MARRIED MAN OR WOMAN WHO USES COMPLAINING ABOUT THE SPOUSE AS A SEDUCTION STRATEGY DOESN'T DESERVE TO GET LAID.
“You and M should have an affair,” several readers suggested. I don’t sleep with my guy pals; M has a very full dance card anyway. Also I have hopes of the two of us doing more writing together; and clearly, nothing gets in the way of a man and woman being co-writers like having sex. (However, I will pass along your contact info to him if you like.)
The stories from women reporting their own experiences with FakeName married Facebookers trolling for sex are incredible. I’ve even heard from other women who were friended by Mit Lecrup (Tim Purcell.) (“Need an affidavit?”) Some men peevishly asked, “How is a married man supposed to get laid if he doesn’t say the wife won’t put out?” (Clearly, Sirs, you missed my conclusion calling for greater sexual honesty.)
But the most outraged group of readers writing to Auntie Sue this week are the female fans of Dan Taylor, host of WCBSfm 101.1 “Morning Show.” The gist of their complaint: Why was he #7 in last week’s list of the 7 most asked questions?
Babes, you are correct in assuming there is more interest in Dan’s sexy voice than in, for example, how my lawyer/lover/cousin BR feels about being identified on SexyPrime. (But once more, in case you missed it: BR requested identification; my cousin is an exhibitionist in a good way, but aren’t most litigators?) Questions about DT were running second behind Orgasms!—always #1. I closed the post with DT because I was saving the best for last. Mea culpa.
On a related note, forty female fans (and growing) who work in the city want a lunch with DT this fall. They are prevailing upon me to take charge of the planning. With DT’s permission, I will do that—but, for his protection, I’ll also invite his sidekick Mr. G, his producer Louis, his boss Brian and perhaps borrow a guard dog. I am but one petite femme. (Two of these ladies went to Six Flags for the station’s promotional event AND stood on line for his autographed photo. I love DT, but I will stand online with champagne flute in hand when he is appearing at an elegant bar in Manhattan—or, okay, maybe Bloomies or some place selling great shoes at discount prices.)
Oh, and one more thing--I have decided not to write about my own sexual experiences ever again. Enough is enough. And the likelihood that I will ever again befriend an internet stranger on any level is slim. But by "strangers," I don't mean SexyPrime readers.
Now to some Quickies (short questions, short answers) with next week's Auntie Sue a return to the longer Q/A format—
Q. “My new man is bisexual. He says that women don’t give as good a blow job as men but that I give the best he’s had from a woman. That’s not good enough! What should I do?” Chessie, Brooklyn, New York.
A. I love your competitive spirit, darling. Have you tried my technique, “The Basic Black Dress of Blow Jobs”? It’s been satisfactorily road-tested by gay pals. The secret to an exceptional blow job is, yes, mastering the basic strokes, but combining them in ways to suit the man’s responses. Pay attention.
If he still says, Men do it better, consider asking for a demonstration. Are you comfortable watching him receive oral sex from a man? Is he? Then, why not?
Q “My long-distance lover has agreed to have anal sex with me on our next rendezvous. My wife of 18 years won’t even let me finger her anus. I am so grateful that I want to make this an awesome experience for my lover. She’s only had anal a few times—and said it hurt. I’ve only had it a few times myself. Please tell me what to do,” George, British ex-pat living in Tangier.
A. First, anal intercourse does hurt if you thrust too forcefully into her and/or pick up speed too soon. You must read the master, M, the Ass-Master, on this subject. His Anal Intercourse for Beginners and Novices primer is excellent.
I only disagree with him on the enema question. This is one time porn stars are the best source of information. The girls use anal cleaning enemas the night before a shoot. They don’t eat in the morning. But they do squirt vials of lubricant up their anuses—and insert a well-lubed butt plug to stretch (gently) the opening.
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Suggest your lady do this behind the scenes preparation. Then follow M’s lead. Done properly, anal intercourse is REALLY hot—though something most women only want with a special man. Let me know how it works out.
Q. “I am quite sure I read that women who enjoy anal sex are more orgasmic than other women. Can you source that for me?” JJ, Houston.
A. The National Sex Survey conducted by Indiana University and reported in The Journal of Sexual Medicine last year did include that statistical co-relation between women who practice anal intercourse and women who experience more orgasms. But that leaves a lot of room for speculation. I really enjoyed William Saletan’s analysis in “The Riddle of the Sphincter” on Slate.com. He posits many theories—read it!
My theory: Likely more open to experimentation in positions, techniques and practices, women who have more orgasms probably reach orgasm easily from a variety of stimuli, including anal.
I also like one of Saletan’s suggested explanations: First, women have the orgasms, then they are seduced into anal intercourse.
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