--The Science Questions of the Day: What Do Asian Women Think About White Men’s Fascination With Them?
I struck up a conversation with a pretty little blonde from London in a Starbucks—where she was spending eleven hours between flights. We had immediate shared ground in café mocha (coffee with a shot of chocolate syrup) and within ten minutes, she said, “I keep making the same mistakes with boys because I commit too soon and I do that because I hate condoms. They get in the way.”
Really? With the great variety of condoms on the market, including thin lubricated ones, can't she find one that doesn't "get in the way?"
The antipathy toward condoms seems to be a little stronger in British than American women; and the Brit media has been taking on the issues in articles like this one in the Guardian gently chiding women for tossing the condoms because they "trust" the new man. (Conversely, American men report more resistance to condom use than Brit men.)
Studies, including a new one by Sensis Condoms, repeatedly tell us that women stop using condoms as soon as they "trust" the man or feel they are "in a relationship." Very faulty logic. Use condoms until you have a mutual commitment to monogamy and have both been tested and found free of Sexually Transmitted Infections. 89% of respondents to the Sensis survey reported having sex without a condom (and not within the confines of monogamy.) More fun stuff from the survey: 28% have done it in the park, 17% at work, 4% on a train and 3% in church. Yes, church. Back to business: 54% of women and 52% of men reported "psychological stress" in using condoms.
What is that all about?
For men, the "stress" is often rooted in the fear they will lose their erection while struggling to put the condom on. (See my condom techinique for putting it on with your mouth.)
For women, it's another story. Many women, like the pretty girl from London, tell me that condoms "don't feel intimate." They want the "skin to skin" contact--even to the point of practicing withdrawal as birth control/disease prevention (though it is neither.) Yes, something deep within us does crave the feeling of his skin rubbing against ours.
But, Babes, that momentary thrill is not worth the risk of herpes or genital warts or HIV or HPV infection, is it?
Our sexual desires and choices often defy logic, don't they? Look at all those American white men chasing Asian women, for example. Are they questing after an out-dated image?
At another Starbucks—and shouldn’t they be sending me gift cards for all this free publicity?—I talked to an Asian American woman in her early thirties who had a lot to say about the white male fascination with Asian women.
“Both my sisters, ages 28 and 30 are involved with white men. They say white men treat them better than Asian men do. I don’t see that they are being treated any better by their men than I am by my husband who is Asian-American. In fact, I think he is more thoughtful and supportive than their men. They see their white men as status symbols.
“White men who seek out Asian women—vs. those who happen to fall in love with one—are looking for the stereotype, the submissive woman who is naturally thin and ages well. Typically they are men who don’t like much flesh on the bone and probably feel threatened by full breasts and hips.
“I don’t like them.”
What do you think? I would love to hear from other Asian women, white men—and Asian men who have an opinion on the predatory(or not) white man.
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