So many readers and colleagues have emailed me this week with messages of support in response to my post on Dying, The End Game; and I am very grateful to everyone. (Look for a new post on that subject, tomorrow, Science Tuesday.) Other readers sent in their sex questions; and I am just as grateful to them. They took me at my word: It’s sex as usual at SexyPrime until I let you know otherwise.
To the questions—
Q. “I have long fantasized having a Double Penetration (DP) sex experience; and I contacted an escort service to see if they would arrange it. The call girl who responded to my request found another man. I’m a little nervous about this but I really want to do it. Do you think it is safe to trust an escort? Is there anything I should know about performing DP? How can I be sure I won’t come too soon? The thought of brushing against another man’s penis and balls excites me; and I am afraid I will suffer premature ejaculation” D., Los Angeles.
A. I would trust a professional escort over a random internet connection, which is how many people set up sex dates with strangers. Generally, escorts know what they’re doing and take care of their sexual health—while your online hook-up might be a stalker, a psychopath, a major health risk or a technically unskilled fantasizer whose sex life is all porn viewing, no doing. Ask the lady if the other man is a male escort and does he have a clean STD test record? (Do you?)
Michael, or M—the AssMaster, gave some excellent advice on the logistics of the DP. Read that. Let me know if you have more questions for him.
Unless premature ejaculation is a regular issue, you can likely forestall that by masturbating to ejaculation before the party shows up.
Q. “I met this great guy, handsome, sexy, smart, funny. He’s 45 but in good shape so I wasn’t expecting a depressed penis. He rarely gets a decent erection and has trouble ejaculating. While he says he doesn’t mind not coming, I mind that he doesn’t. He takes medication for high cholesterol and for depression. I think the meds have depressed his penis. He won’t take Viagra. Do you know any magic to make a penis happy again?” Leanne, the Jersey shore.
A. Viagra and similar drugs are often contraindicated in patients taking medication for high blood pressure, high cholesterol and depression. That comes as a surprise to women who think all problems of the penis can be cured by a little pill. Your lover should seek out a doctor who can listen to his sexual concerns and help him find the medications or dosages that have the least impact on his poor depressed penis. But here is what you can do:
First, stop “minding” when he doesn’t ejaculate. Take the pressure off. Let him focus on pleasing you.
Second a savvy lover can often help her man get a firmer erection these two ways.
- Become very skilled at fellatio. (See my signature sex technique, The Basic Black Dress of Blow Jobs.)
- Perfect the art of the hand job. (See "Two Hand Jobs.")
Third, have you tried a vibrating cock ring on him? (Go to Babeland, type in "vibrating cock ring" in the search window.) The ring helps him maintain an erection while the vibrations increase his arousal and bring him closer to ejaculation.
Fourth, he might be able to reach orgasm during anal intercourse because the fit around his penis is so snug. (See M’s primer on anal intercourse.)
Fifth, some men respond to this simple trick:
- Press your thumb into his perineum (space between base of testicles and anus) when he is highly aroused.
Finally, explore your fantasies together. A little kink can be better than a little blue pill.
Q. “My daughter confided that she is quite adept at fellatio—which she practices on bare penises, no condoms—though she is still a virgin at seventeen. I don’t know what to think because I always regarded oral sex as more intimate than intercourse. She says it is ‘no-risk sex.’ What do you say?” Moira, London.
A. At least she recognizes that it is sex. Many young people don’t. Unprotected oral sex is not, however, “no-risk.” Most of us do not use condoms and dental damns when practicing oral sex so we need to be aware that there are STD risks—less than the risks of unprotected intercourse—but still there.
Gonorrhea, herpes, HIV, hepatitis B, and syphilis can all be transmitted orally—and the risk factor increases if the man ejaculates in her mouth. HPV (human papillomavirus) not only causes cervical cancer in women, but also is a major risk factor in oral and throat cancers in men—and can be spread orally. Definitely take your daughter to your gynecologist to be tested. Kudos to both of you for having such an open relationship that she can tell you what’s going on in her sex life.
Readers, are you practicing unprotected oral sex too? Mention it to your doctor who may want to screen your throat in addition to the routine STD tests.
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