SexyPrime, a blog by Susan Crain Bakos

THE FIRST ANNUAL PHALLIC ART SHOW-- Save The Date

Photo Credit:  "Phallic Symbol in Barcelona"" on Photobucket

The date for the first annual phallic art show has been set! And, at the request of two artists, RE-set!

I have a bartender booked for Wednesday, December 2, the original date. But the artists would like the Phallic Gala to precede The Outsider Art Fair which is February 5 to 7, 2010. They want to bring their phalluses to the city; and I am happy to make that more convenient for them.

THE FIRST ANNUAL PHALLIC GALA ART SHOW will be held at Marcella Gallery, my garden apartment office/gallery in a beautiful central Harlem brownstone on Wednesday, February 5, 2010 from 6 to 10.

Artists: The concept is the penis. The interpretation is yours. Send me your art. (jpgs to the email address on this blog.) Let’s talk terms.

Now who wants a one-man/woman show at Marcella Gallery on Wednesday, December 2?

Julia, the stunning bartender, is already booked.

THE PHALLUS IS THE "CONCEPT": Send Me Your Art

Photo Credit:  "Phallic Symbol in Barcelona" by ryanpdg on Photobucket

    “’Overall, I was walking around and saying to myself, ‘It’s a banality that beggars belief.’”  He hadn’t been thinking that at all, but he was thinking it now as he said it.

    “’But that’s completely wrong, isn’t it?  Because we aren’t actually amazed by the banality.  We’ve come to expect it.  It’s reassuring, a stamp of quality.  We’re sort of invested in it.  It’s like we’re living through a conceptual breakthrough.  It’s really exciting.  People keep wondering how long it can go on for, when the bubble is going to burst.  The thing is, the bubble has burst, but it keeps expanding anyway, even after it’s burst.  It’s like the discovery of a new law of physics.’”

--from Jeff in Venice, Death in Varanasi by Geoff Dyer (Pantheon).

The dialogue is between a man (first speaker) and a woman who meet and fall into bed at the Venice Biennale, one of the art world’s big events.  As they speak, she works in an art gallery but is on her way to Varanasi, India, to become a hedge fund manager.  There are some great sex scenes in this novel in addition to this spot-on art analysis.

My page marker in the book is a clipping from The New York Times Op-Ed page, Friday, October 16, 2009:  “Has Conceptual Art Jumped The Shark Tank?” by Denis Dutton who thinks that, yes, it has.  The British artist who conceptualized the shark preserved in formaldehyde ($12 million), Damien Hirst has a new concept:  medicine cabinets filled with pharmaceuticals, expected to go for up to $230,000 each.  Like Jeff Koons of the big cuddly animals, he is strictly an idea man.  Nice to get that kind of money for a shark you didn’t even catch and preserve, isn’t it?  Would Marcel Duchamp, the father of conceptual art, marvel at what he hath wrought—or throw the urinal at them?

So.  Let’s put a sexy twist on the concept of conceptual art.  I have the idea:  penises.  You send me the art.  As you know I am a devotee of the cock, sadly neglected in the art of our time.  

Guys, I am not looking for cell phone shots of your private members.  I want art—painting, drawing, collage, sculpture.  Recently I rented a lovely garden apartment in a Harlem brownstone to use as my city office (plus bed) and art gallery.  There is space for an exhibition of phallus art—with opening night wine and cheese reception.  I’ll get Dom Rose and Club Double involved in this.  And Steve Otero and Sexy Spirits!  I promise a date shortly.  SJo, the Poet, I name you poet laureate of the First Annual Phallic Art Gala.

Help return art to its erotic roots.  Send this link to the artists in your life.

GIRLS GONE TOO FAR?: Wanna Be Porn Stars Are Getting Younger--Blame Barbie?

Photo Credit:  David Duchovny as Hank Moody on Showtime's "Californication"

"Have the ladies gone too far with the sex positive feminism?  Is this the path to sexual liberation?"  Hank Moody in the current episode, "Verities and Balderdash".

In season one of "Californication", Hank inadvertently had sex with the teenage daughter of his ex's fiance.  (He thought she was legal.)  Now in season three, he's in charge of his own teen daughter whom he wants to protect from sexually exploit ive men like him.  Hank embodies our societal conflicts about girls and sex.  (Duchovy is brilliant in the role; and the series is mesmerizing.  Go to the website for schedule and information on past episodes.)

We live in a society that sexualizes little girls while repressing sexual expression in mothers--and goddess forbid, grandmothers!  It starts with Barbie.  Originally she was a fashion doll wearing stylish clothes.  Now she is Hooker Barbie--and her clothes aren't stylish, they're cheap.  

Sex positive feminism--empowering, not reductive- hasn't gone "too far", but the "wanna be a porn star" mindset has.  Girls Gone Wild get younger every day with middle school girls sexting and posting provocative pictures of themselves online.  Babes, I am no prude, but I believe we need to protect our girls from the risks of projecting sexuality before they even understand what it is.  By the time they're 20, they will have experienced way too many drunken hook-ups and few orgasms.  This isn't sex positive feminism or sexual liberation.  

Hank Moody's comments reminded me of a post on Fabulously40.com and the lively discussion following.  If you have little girls in your family, it's a must-read.

MEN DO CARE IF YOU COME--So, Give Them A Hand

Photo Credit:  "Lovers" by Mia on Photobucket

"Why aren't there more classes on how to please women in bed?"  asks a reader of another advice columnist on the web.

The women's service magazine industry may be threatened, but--never fear!-- its most insipid messages are dispensed daily on the web.  My pal Steve Otero at Sexy Spirits sent me the link to this one.  He knows that I usually deplore the adviser's answers (which is why I do not name or link her) and I think he likes to stir up a retort.  

In one overly long answer to a fair question, she hit on the major myths that women embrace as explanation for why we buy self-help and they don't--an argument also framed as why/how we "communicate" better than they do.

1.  The male ego.  He can't admit he doesn't know everything.  Not entirely true.  Men are still expected to know how to please us without being told--which makes signing up for a class akin to an awkward public confession.  Many men do seek information about how to please women.  I get more emails from men with technique questions than women.  They don't ask because we don't tell.  

2.  The inability to communicate. Men stop talking to one another about sex after college. Not true.  The strong, silent type is now playing on the old movie channels.  Haven't you read about Guyland, that country of men who refuse to grow up and continue to throw up?  Tucker Max is their Peter Pan. And if you've read any of conversations with Alex Zola--"Mr. Spank, Choke and Tell"--you know that some men talk a lot.

3.  The homoerotic fear factor.  Men are afraid other men will think they're gay if they sign up for a class on pleasing the pussy because the subject is really their cocks.  Not true--and nonsensical.  Unless they are right wing Republican Christian nazis, most straight men aren't afraid of being taken for gay in a self-help class.  It's a non-issue.  They're just not that into "self-help"--but they appreciate a quality learning experience.  Anton Diaz packs the house at Sexy Spirits with his workshops because he presents interesting material in a dynamic way.

4.  The selfish man syndrome.  He doesn't care if you come or not.  Not true!  Unless it's a one time drunken hook-up, most men do care if we have an orgasm or not.  (And how caring are we about his pleasure if we're equally drunk?  The equation is:  He scores; she gets attention.  It's not about caring.)  This is where the male ego is really on the line.  He measures his worth as a lover by our orgasms, Babe. Women know that or we wouldn't fake them as often as we do.  

The adviser adds the obligatory "We're responsible for our own orgasms"--but she doesn't say it with much conviction.  Or any guidance.   I tell you that men don't give us orgasms, we take our own--and I also tell you how to get them.  Check out the post, "How Can You Come During Intercourse?" and many, many others under Sex Tip of the Day and Sex Toys.

I stand up for women's sexual empowerment--and for the men who love and want to please us.

THE SEX HAPPINESS SURVEY RESULTS, Part Two: Multiple Orgasms, Cheating Wives and Mismatched Desires

Photo Credit:  "Red Strappy Sandals" on Photobucket

The big surprise about this Sex Happiness survey with its softball questions?  Three times as many men responded as women (who told me they wanted these questions).  Do I sound like a guy when I moan:  What do women really want?  

Go to "The Sex Happiness Survey, part one" for the demographics and major themes.  The women who did respond are, for the most part, happy with their sex lives.  Interestingly, 80% of the total respondents who mentioned extramarital affairs were women.  Is that another answer to the question, "Do women cheat more than men?"

In general, women's replies were longer and more detailed than men's.  They volunteered more information--and were more often humorous.  One busy young mother of twins said, "Happy with my sex life?  Yes, whenever I get the chance to re-visit it, I am happy."   A 52 year old woman said, "I am just happy to get sex, whenever I can crush a Viagra into my husband's pudding."

On the other hand, at least four of the women sounded false to me.  It's hard to believe that everything is passionate, perfect and multiply orgasmic on a sex daily basis for women who've been with their guys long enough to have fallen down from height of the Desire Curve.  (Read about that in The Sex Bible for Women.)  I think one woman punked me, but I won't call her out here, in case her particular tale of marriage and incest is true.

Here are the highlights:

THE WOMEN'S QUESTIONS

1.  How often do you have sex, including masturbation?

Like the men, the women (no matter their ages) have more sex than "the average".  Most respondents reported 3 or more times a week, with 25% saying "daily and sometimes twice a day." 

A 34 year old divorced white woman:  "I'm so glad you define masturbation as 'sex.'  A lot of the younger women in my office only count intercourse as 'sex.'  Even oral sex doesn't make the cut.  I know.  Blame Bill C. on that one."

"Not gonna' touch myself there when I have a man to do that for me":  a 24 year old married black woman.  

"I am more often the partner wanting sex now while he is the one saying, 'Not tonight, dear, I'm tired.'  I masturbate.  But what's up with him?":  A 39 year old white married woman.

2.  How much do you enjoy performing fellatio--and do you swallow?

Most are enthusiastic about fellatio--with nearly half saying they do swallow.

A 37 year old married white woman:  "I love fellatio!  I've loved it since the first time I held a dick in my hand under the bleachers in high school."

"I swallow if I'm really into the guy, if it's a relationship, not just a hook-up."  a 26 year old single "white girl."

A 30 year old single woman from Trinidad:  "Swallowing is like anal sex, a special treat for a special man.  If I love the man, I love the taste of his cum."

"I love the feeling of erotic power that I have when i give a man a great blow job.  I don't feel submissive at all.  And BJs are safer than intercourse":  a single black woman, 29.

3.  How often do you reach orgasm during lovemaking?

Almost half said they do every time--which is a high percentage, almost twice "average".  25% said they usually have multiple orgasms.  The women who described their sex lives in terms such as "okay" or "adequate" or "not exactly happy" also reported more difficulty reaching orgasm during lovemaking.  There is a connection between orgasms and sex happiness.  It's really not all about the closeness.

A 36 year old white married woman:  "I reach orgasm 3/4 of the time.  Sometimes I just don't care.  Sometimes he comes too quickly and I don't have time.  It's rare that he offers to take care of me after that.  That's not true.  It's not rare.  It's never actually happened.  But then, I don't ask him either.  If he can't figure out that it might be nice for me to come too, I'd just rather he not touch me.  It's infantile, but there it is."

"In my first marriage, I faked orgasms and almost never had a real one.  I was so good at faking that he thought the real ones were 'little ones'.  I started out right with my second husband.  I told him I don't come during sex and he bought a vibrator to use on me.  It worked!":  a 40 year old European white woman.

A 28 year old single black woman:  "If I have masturbated during the day, I don't care if I come or not.  But I am really disappointed if I want the O and he doesn't help me get it.  I hate that almost feeling."

4.  Is cunnilingus your primary path to orgasm in partner sex?

Yes, for more than 70% of the women, it is. Men have learned that cunnilingus is the surest path to female orgasm--and that "She Comes First" (Ian Kerner's book.)  Obviously, many of them are pretty good at performing oral sex  The proof is in the coming.

"I only come via oral sex or masturbation.  Intercourse does not get me there.  I love the feeling of being penetrated and wish I could have it all together":  A 30 year old single woman from St. Thomas.

"Some boys are better at it than others, but I have learned how to take his face in my hands and guide him.  Sometimes I have to ask for the tip of the tongue, not the full, fat tongue.  But all I have to do is ask.  Boys are eager to please.":  A 29 year old single white woman.

"Not with my husband--we're still working on that.  But with my lover, hell yes!  He loves my pussy so much that he gets harder when he has his face in it.  Our oral sex is epic":  A 35 year old married white woman.

"Yes, it is--and thank the goddess that, contrary to their reputation, black men do go down":  A 39 year old single black woman.

5.  How often does your partner give you what you want and need?

Most said:  "Most of the time."  I am a little suspicious of those four women who claim:  All the time!  Really?  How is that humanly possible?  These men have never had an off day or night?

"If I don't get what I want, it's because I don't ask":  a 40 year old white married woman.

"I don't know how to ask.  Black women are all in your face in public, but in bed with our man--no.  If I did, I'm sure I would get what I want more often than I do by dropping hints": a 23 year old black woman.

"It took me a while to figure out that most men want to please us while a few don't much care.  You have to find out early on and then you'll get what you want.  I do now":  a 41 year old European white woman.

6.  Do you experience multiple orgasms--if so, how often and when?

40% said they do experience multiples, at least occasionally.  Again, that's a higher than "average" percentage.  (Four women said they have multiple orgasms every time they have sexual contact.) The most likely scenario:  cunnilingus resulting in one or more orgasms, followed by intercourse, including clitoral stimulation.

"With my lover, every time.  He's amazing with his fingers and tongue and can keep me coming for over an hour.  With my husband, sometimes":  a 32 year old married white woman.

"I have multiple orgasms when we have a long time to make love--or on a one night stand on a business trip":  a 39 year old married white woman.

"I experience them more and more often with every year.  When I was 20, I struggled to come":  a single black woman, 38.

7.  Are you confident in your erotic skills and happy in your sex life?

75% said Yes.  The 25% who equivocated or qualified their happiness also reported difficulties with orgasm--and/or disparate levels of desire.  They have husbands who don't want as much sex as they do.  When a woman is not sex happy, she knows exactly why.

"Sex is just not ever in your life what you think it will be, but that's especially true after you've been married twenty years.  I'm always reading about the aging Boomers and their hot sex lives.  I'm not quite a Boomer and my sex life is cold, cold, cold.  I want romance and passion.  I get 'Shall we do the dirty tonight?'"  A 42 year old married black woman.

"The best advice I ever got:  Not sexually satisfied?  Do Kegels and tone up your vagina--oh, and buy a vibrator:"  A 33 year old single white woman.

"I am happy with my sex life now.  My husband doesn't meet my needs so I took a lover"  a 38 year old married European white woman.

THE SEX HAPPINESS SURVEY RESULTS, Part One: Happy People Have Oral Lovers; Her Orgasms=Happiness--and Yes, Black Men Do Go Down

Photo Credit:  "Heels" by JTMeg on Photobucket

I couldn’t resist writing a headline that draws sweeping conclusions exactly like the media reports of surveys I usually pan--because I know my readers will get the irony. The overblown media coverage of The Happiness Gap (claiming men are happier than women) inspired me to create a SexyPrime survey on happiness and sex.  Remember:  Surveys are snapshots, not definitive portraits.  This little snapshot is an interesting one of some of my readers--a group who are likely more interested in sex and better at it than the average man or woman.

First, where are the women who castigated me for 7 Questions on His Prime Member?  (Men were fine with 7 Questions Your Prime Member.) Women wanted more relationship-oriented sex questions.  I wrote them. They didn't answer.  The guys did.

Here's the breakdown of survey respondents:

212 men ranging in age from 24 to 68, with 75% between 29 and 44, 55% married or in a relationship

Racial Breakdown:  38% American white, 30% African American, 10% Hispanic American, 10% Asian American, 7% white European, 3% African, 2% Arab

73 women, ranging in age from 20 to 52, with 60% between 29 and 44, 60% married or in a relationship.

Racial breakdown:  70% American white; 18% African American; 8% European, white; mixed race from Caribbean islands, 4%

4 men and 3 women wrote to say:  “I have no sex life.”

One woman cited prolonged illness, another, "marriage".  An estimated 20 million couples under the age of 59 live in sexless marriages.  But that's another survey, not one I want to do

The highlights:

• Enthusiastic participation in oral sex and her orgasms (which equated with confidence in erotic skills) were the common threads among the 75% of men and women who rated their sex lives “happy.”

• They reported higher than "average" sexual activity, with 50% (including older respondents) having sex three times a week and another 10% having daily sex.  A 68 year old white widower has sex three times a week--and has had over 300 partners since his wife died five years ago.
• While fewer women responded, 80% of those who wrote about extramarital affairs were women.
• Single men were twice as likely as men in relationships to prefer a Blow Job over intercourse.  (Several cited "hating" condoms.)

 THE MEN'S QUESTIONS

1.   1.  How often do you have sex, including masturbation?

A handful of respondents admitted to having sex only two or three times a month while most fell into the two or three times a week category.

A single black man, 42:  “I rarely have real sex these days.  I masturbate almost daily because I like to come.  If I can’t do it one day, I masturbate multiple times in one day to catch up.”

Single black male, 27:  “I tease myself while masturbating as I go just until the point of ejaculation and then stop--and start again.  I have such a build-up that I shoot a lot of cum.  It’s amazing!”

A 24 year old white newlywed:  "We have sex once every other day, multiple times a day on weekend.  I masturbate when out of town."

W   2. When do you prefer a blow job to intercourse?

A single 34 year old black man: "Any time a woman insists on a condom, I prefer a BJ.  I hate intercourse with condom."

A 40 year old married white man:   "Almost any time I can get it.  I like fucking a lot, but nothing is as good as a BJ."

And a 44 year old married white man:  "I want it all.  Start with oral, switch off, go back and forth until where I end up coming surprises us both.  Switching makes sex last longer."

A 27 year old married Hispanic American:  "It’s never a replacement for intercourse.  I enjoy both, especially if a woman knows what she’s doing.”

A single 35 year old Hispanic American:  “It depends on the girl.  If she is passive, I love intercourse and just being on top and in her.  If she lets her kinky side out, BJ."

3.  3. How often does your partner give you what you want and need?

Overwhelmingly, you said:  Most of the time.

A 42 year old black single male:  “Of late my partners always do what I want.  They are online hook-ups where we are both trying to please one another."

4.  4. How much do you enjoy performing cunnilingus—and does she come this way?

 75% said they enjoy it very much.  Black men, single and married, were the most enthusiastic.  (Another myth busted here on SexyPrime.)  Among the 25% who were said "not much" or "not at all"--there was more concern about her orgasms and their erotic skills.  (One man said, "I don't mind it so much"--and maybe that explains why he also isn't sure if his partner comes or not.)

A 40 year old married black man:  “I eat pussy and I try to be in tune to what her body is telling me.  I listen and am open and will do whatever she needs me to do to make her cum."

 A 29 year old married black man:  ”I love performing it very much.  If a woman comes before intercourse, it turns her on more.  My lovely lady always comes when I go down on her.”

Not surprisingly, they reported that their partners always or usually reach orgasm by cunnilingus--often multiple times.   A 55 year old white married man, one of my favorite respondents, said, "I am proud to be a Cunnilinguist!  I love pleasuring her pussy." 

Some men, like this 24 year old white married man, said their partners didn't like or weren't comfortable with cunnilingus.  He said:  "She gets uncomfortable about me doing this.  Sometimes she gets close to coming and I wish she would let me go on."

5.  5. Is anal intercourse at the top of your sexual wish list, and, if not, what is?

Anal intercourse topped the wish list for 65% of the men.  20% said "experimenting with something new."

A 40 year old single black man:  “I find it nasty when it’s spontaneous.  When you plan for it with all the prep that needs to be done to make it clean—all the fun goes out of the act.”

A 37 year old single black man:  "Oh, yes  it is a joy to do." 

A 31 year old married Asian man:  "NO.  Getting my wife to experience a orgasm-- and then more than one.  That is my wish list."

6.  6. What does she do to drive you wild?

Dirty talk, text messages and the use of fingernails topped the list--but what a great variety of answers!  Some were obvious--"Swallow my cum"; "Lick my ass"--while others were unique.  I love this one: "Her special BJ.  She starts out slow, rubbing my cock on her face, getting into it with her mouth and tongue very slowly as she runs her fingernails up and down my thighs."  

A 40 year old white husband:  "She exhibits a high degree of emotional surrender/submission."

6. Are you confident in your erotic skills and happy with your sex life?

Only 25% of the men said they were not happy (or very happy) with their sex lives.  Most qualified by explaining they didn't have a regular partner or weren't meeting the right women, like this man:

A 36 year old single black man:  “I am confident when I have a good fit.  But I am feeling sensual these days and I’m meeting women who want to get pounded.  My sex life is not as good as it could be, but I can’t complain."

I like the man who said, "I'm good, but the skills can always be improved" and the 50 year old white husband who said, “I am always reading and watching educational videos because there is always someone with a good idea or a better way.  Open mind is key!"

A 24 year old Indian American said:  "We married as virgins last year.  We're figuring it out.  As far as happiness goes, I think we are.  I focus on the communication and physical affection."

PART TWO:  HER SEX HAPPINESS SURVEY RESULTS THIS WEEKEND

"THE HAPPINESS GAP": Have You Fallen For The Latest Mainstream Media BS?

Photo Credit: "Red Heels" by ashortyslife on Photobucket

The commentators on women’s issues want you to know that you cannot have it all—or even a good part of all—without Paying A Heavy Price, the Woman Tax.  (Aren’t they the same people who insist the pain remain in childbirth?)

A big scare report invoking the Woman Tax made headlines in the 80s:  A woman over 40 is more likely to be killed by a terrorist than get married.  Message:  You delayed marriage for career—well, ha!, no marriage for you.

Incredibly, women accepted this as gospel for years before some reporter did the simple math, comparing statistics, death by terrorism vs. marriages of women over 40, and concluded:  I don’t think so.

Now in the “post-Feminist era”, the new sad story is that women are not as happy as men.  A cadre of journalists—of the type who jump on every hand-wringing train—report that we were happier than men in 1970 but are growing less happy with every passing year.  The Happiness Gap is the Woman Tax on the social and workplace progress we have made since the 1970s.

I first read about the Happiness Gap two years ago in The New York Times.  Would they lie?

David Leonhardt in “He’s Happier, She’s Less So”:

“Instead of simply asking people what they had done over the course of their day, as pollsters have been doing since the 1960s, the researchers also asked how people felt during each activity. Were they happy? Interested? Tired? Stressed?...There appears to be a growing happiness gap between men and women."

The Times ran another happiness gap story by Ross Douthat earlier this year.Then, in “The culture of (female) narcissism” on salon.com, Judy Berman asked if we are unhappy because we are narcissists.

 

“As studies about women's happiness (or, it turns out, lack thereof) keep rolling in, journalists continue to ask themselves the same question: Why, as we inch ever closer to equality of the sexes, are ladies more dissatisfied than ever? This week's attempt at an answer comes from The Guardian's Madeleine Bunting, who pegs a cultural epidemic of narcissism as the cause…"

Next, Arianna Huffington in “The Sad Shocking Truth About How Women Are Feeling” on The Huffington Post:

“Let's talk about unhappiness. Specifically, how it's growing in one segment of our society. And no, it's not white congressmen from South Carolina, hip-hop artists who feel Beyoncé got slighted, or recipients of ill-timed foot-fault calls.

 

"It's women."

 

 It's a question we'll be exploring in depth on HuffPost in the coming weeks, in a series of blog posts by bestselling author and lecturer Marcus Buckingham.”

 

Creator of The Strengths Finder tool, Buckingham is a motivational speaker who claims to have helped over 2 million people through his books, seminars and workshops.  There is the answer to our plague of sadness:  Enrich a man’s bank account.

Finally, this past Sunday in “Liberated and Unhappy” in the Times Maureen Dowd told us,

"American women are wealthier, healthier and better educated than they were 30 years ago. …But all the achievements of the feminist era may have delivered women to greater unhappiness." 

Arianna and Maureen pushed me right over The Happiness Gap edge.

I searched for the two primary original studies on which most of  these dismal conclusions are based—and discovered Language Log  on the University of Penn’s website.  Researcher Mark Liberman  downloaded the big one, the General Social Survey dataset (which, he notes, was a copyright violation) and analyzed the data in the post “Women’s happiness and pundits’ accuracy.”  He and other academicians commenting on the site label the journalists’ conclusions distortions of the numbers and exaggerations of Betsey Stevenson’s and Justin Wolfers’ work.

Liberman says:

“There are a few more women, proportionally, who report their happiness as being in the extreme categories, and a few more men who assign themselves to the middle category. But either way, the differences are tiny — we certainly shouldn't describe this by saying that "men are happier than women".

"The best way to describe this, I think, would be to say something like:

"In the early 70s, women self-reported their happiness at levels somewhat higher than men did. Specifically, 5.1% more of the women reported themselves "Very happy", while 1.5% fewer reported themselves "Not too happy".

"30-odd years later, in the mid 00s, women's self-reported happiness was closer to men's, though it was still slightly higher. 1.4% more of the women reported themselves "Very happy", while 0.1% fewer reported themselves "Not too happy"."

I see that Huffington and Dowd pushed him over the edge of the gap too because he posted again Sunday:

THE HAPPINESS GAP IS BACK IS BACK IS BACK IS BACK:

“What may be the most widely-discussed statistical over-interpretation in history is coming around for the third time."

And he has a sense of humor:

“I remain hopeful that the web's fact-checking capability will gradually lower the level of bullshit in the mass media — but the effect is slow at best.  On the whole, I'm less worried about women's failure to become happier than about columnists' failure to become smarter.”

Journalists draw sweeping, largely invalid conclusions from data they very likely don’t examine—and then frame those conclusions as documentation of a (women's) social issue they have defined and propagated.

Why do women report even slightly more unhappiness than men?  Here are my thoughts:

• Media coverage of women has a relentless focus on:

1. What’s wrong with us (physically, emotionally) that plays into

2. How a self-help book, guru, motivational speaker, or new diet/exercise program will make us better.

• Girlfriends! Women continually monitor and attempt to manage their girlfriends’ lives, especially sex lives.  Have you forgotten how much of the dialogue in “Sex and the City” was focused on three of the women debating what the fourth should do about her relationship?  In the name of friendship, women criticize and critique—while men just hang out together.  (Yes, that’s a generalization.)
• Doctors/meds.  Whether they experience more depression than men or not—women report it more often.  Doctors seem to put women on antidepressants (which can be depressing) for the slimmest of reasons.
• Sex.  Women are still learning how to conduct a sex life on our own terms.  Many women continue to have difficult reaching orgasm, especially during lovemaking.  The rules have changed, but not the score:  He comes; she doesn’t.

The Orgasm Gap is real.

Possibly, women, under the influence of those damn smiley face stickers, exaggerated their happiness level back in the 1970s.  And possibly men, who have a tendency to stretch their numbers, are pushing it a bit now.  The space between us is minimal. The so-called “Happiness Gap” is a tiny crack.

I read that the President might consider a newspaper bail-out.  It should come with conditions, like no reporting on surveys unless the writer and editor have read the survey and crunched the numbers.  If turning cracks into gaps sold newspapers, y’all wouldn’t need that bail-out, would you?

COMING  SOON:  THE SEXYPRIME SEX HAPPINESS SURVEY!

A RED TENT--AND THE NEW TANTRA!--IN THE NETHERLANDS

The New Tantra:  Simple and Sexy was recently released in The Netherlands where it is Nieuwe spirituele seks: Tantraseks voor een beter en langer liefdesleven.

I have piles of international editions of my books--and I am proud of them.  Thank you, international readers.  I love you!

Amsterdam is one of my favorite world cities, the sexiest city in a country which seems more sexually cosmopolitan than the U.S.  I was somewhat surprised to read about Cora Emens' Red Tent project--educational sex festivals for women held throughout the country.  Yes, I thought Dutch women knew it all already.

Amsterdam's Betty Dodson/Annie Sprinkle, a former exotic dancer who has been teaching Dutch women to masturbate for more than two decades--Emens tells Carnal Nation interviewer Liz Farsaci, an American journalist living in Amsterdam:  "The PC muscle--so many women don't know about it, never heard about it--it's amazing.  So I don't know if we've really progressed in all those years or not. I don't know."

She says that women are buying vibrators in huge numbers because they don't like to touch themselves.  I don't think so.  Vibrators give us different experiences than fingers do.  With the range of fun and luxurious toys available to us now--why limit ourselves to finger play?

But I agree with her on this:  "Sex went from being [something you didn't talk about]--to 'god, I have to be able to do this and I have to be able to do that because I saw it in a porn film."

Cora Emens is empowering Dutch women of all ages, one Red Tent at a time, by helping them find their own sexual path.

Cora, U naturfosfaat!  (Cora, you rock!)

THE COUGAR WARS: Is The Name An Insult Or A Crown Of Honor?

Photo credit:  "rosa con Glitter bien acabada" by Viatore on Photobucket

"Every time women manage to break out of traditional roles, someone comes along to ruin it with a derogatory label," Sex and the City author Candice Bushnell complains in an interview.

The derogatory label?  Cougar--the term some journalist applied to her because she married a man ten years her junior.

"It's a new beginning for me!" exclaimed Gloria Navarro, 42, the newly crowned beauty.  "I went from soccer mom with short hair, flat-heeled shoes and fanny pack"--to--"someone who doesn't need a man for anything other than companionship."

The source of her joy?  Being named Miss Cougar America at The National Cougar Convention recently held in Las Vegas.

A rose may be a rose by any other name, but a Cougar?  Some older women who date/mate younger men hate the term; others wear it proudly.  I find it amusing.  

Supposedly the term "cougar" was coined in Canadian bars to describe older women who went home with what was left at the end of the evening.  I must admit:  That's not charming.  But "cougar" quickly morphed into a word describing sexy, attractive, successful women who sleep with younger men.  Does the word or the woman have a predatory edge?  Perhaps...in some cases, not most.  Doesn't "Wolf" have a predatory edge--and did men ever write angry, self-righteous editorials denouncing that label?

Haven't we all worn many labels that are shorthand to describe the roles we've played?  I've been princess bride, soccer Mom, hot divorcee, the younger woman, the other woman, the older woman--and I'm sure I've left out a few.  Women have been breaking free of traditional roles faster than men have in recent decades.  We don't have to prove our validity in society by agonizing over labels and pointing proudly to Hillary Clinton or Sonia Sotomayer as our standard bearers.  

Do you insist on analyzing the negative aspects of labeling?  Think fast.  What label have women given to older men who seek out younger women?

Sugar Daddy, Mid-Life Crazy, Disgusting Old Geezer.  The list is long.  And not respectful.  Lighten up, Cougars.  Our brothers have been called far worse.

DO WOMEN CHEAT MORE THAN MEN?: Are We Accidental Flirts Who Go Too Far?-- New U. K. Poll Has The Answers

Photo Credit:  "Panties" by wonder lick on Photobucket

A headline in today's New York Daily News captured my attention:  Do Women Cheat More Than Men?

"When it comes to cheating, gals aren't just as bad as the guys--they're worse," writes Robert Dominquez, but he hastens to add that this conclusion was reached in a study of 3,000 adults conducted by Opera North, a London company, to hype the opening of its new season with Mozart's "Cosi Fan Tutti".  Translation:  "All women are like that."

For the record, most studies conducted by universities aren't nearly that large, but are often presented in the media as serious (and conclusive) research.  Remember:  every study or poll, unless conducted under rigorous scientific protocol, is a snapshot.  Some photos are more interesting than others.  This one is hot, Babes.  

Increasingly, polls and surveys are showing that women equal or beat men in the adultery department. Why?  Maybe women are finally telling the truth.  For decades, reported male philandering so outpaced the feminine activity that pollsters wondered:  Who is doing it with these men?  

From the London Daily Telegraph's article:  Women more likely to have an affair than men:

"If you think men are more likely to have an affair, do think again, for a survey has revealed it's the fair sex who are more likely to have a fling."

Some statistics:

• Two-fifths of women admitted to having cheated on their partners while only three in ten men did.

• 55% percent of women said they did it because they loved the attention from men.

• More than a third said their "indiscretion" happened by "accident" because their flirting "got out of hand."

• A fifth admitted they got "a thrill" out of cheating--and would do it again.

• One in four said they "couldn't resist a man in uniform."

The women also said they were most likely to cheat when feeling "a bit bored" in a relationship and/or have had "too much to drink."

The Daily News has a little poll in their online article:  

Question:  Do women cheat more than men?

Yes, guys get the bad rap but ladies are the ones with the wandering eyes.

No way.  The men in the survey just weren't being honest.

It was 67% Yes to 33% No when I took the poll a few minutes ago.  What do you think?