SexyPrime, a blog by Susan Crain Bakos

THE SEX HAPPINESS SURVEY RESULTS, Part Two: Multiple Orgasms, Cheating Wives and Mismatched Desires

Photo Credit:  "Red Strappy Sandals" on Photobucket

The big surprise about this Sex Happiness survey with its softball questions?  Three times as many men responded as women (who told me they wanted these questions).  Do I sound like a guy when I moan:  What do women really want?  

Go to "The Sex Happiness Survey, part one" for the demographics and major themes.  The women who did respond are, for the most part, happy with their sex lives.  Interestingly, 80% of the total respondents who mentioned extramarital affairs were women.  Is that another answer to the question, "Do women cheat more than men?"

In general, women's replies were longer and more detailed than men's.  They volunteered more information--and were more often humorous.  One busy young mother of twins said, "Happy with my sex life?  Yes, whenever I get the chance to re-visit it, I am happy."   A 52 year old woman said, "I am just happy to get sex, whenever I can crush a Viagra into my husband's pudding."

On the other hand, at least four of the women sounded false to me.  It's hard to believe that everything is passionate, perfect and multiply orgasmic on a sex daily basis for women who've been with their guys long enough to have fallen down from height of the Desire Curve.  (Read about that in The Sex Bible for Women.)  I think one woman punked me, but I won't call her out here, in case her particular tale of marriage and incest is true.

Here are the highlights:

THE WOMEN'S QUESTIONS

1.  How often do you have sex, including masturbation?

Like the men, the women (no matter their ages) have more sex than "the average".  Most respondents reported 3 or more times a week, with 25% saying "daily and sometimes twice a day." 

A 34 year old divorced white woman:  "I'm so glad you define masturbation as 'sex.'  A lot of the younger women in my office only count intercourse as 'sex.'  Even oral sex doesn't make the cut.  I know.  Blame Bill C. on that one."

"Not gonna' touch myself there when I have a man to do that for me":  a 24 year old married black woman.  

"I am more often the partner wanting sex now while he is the one saying, 'Not tonight, dear, I'm tired.'  I masturbate.  But what's up with him?":  A 39 year old white married woman.

2.  How much do you enjoy performing fellatio--and do you swallow?

Most are enthusiastic about fellatio--with nearly half saying they do swallow.

A 37 year old married white woman:  "I love fellatio!  I've loved it since the first time I held a dick in my hand under the bleachers in high school."

"I swallow if I'm really into the guy, if it's a relationship, not just a hook-up."  a 26 year old single "white girl."

A 30 year old single woman from Trinidad:  "Swallowing is like anal sex, a special treat for a special man.  If I love the man, I love the taste of his cum."

"I love the feeling of erotic power that I have when i give a man a great blow job.  I don't feel submissive at all.  And BJs are safer than intercourse":  a single black woman, 29.

3.  How often do you reach orgasm during lovemaking?

Almost half said they do every time--which is a high percentage, almost twice "average".  25% said they usually have multiple orgasms.  The women who described their sex lives in terms such as "okay" or "adequate" or "not exactly happy" also reported more difficulty reaching orgasm during lovemaking.  There is a connection between orgasms and sex happiness.  It's really not all about the closeness.

A 36 year old white married woman:  "I reach orgasm 3/4 of the time.  Sometimes I just don't care.  Sometimes he comes too quickly and I don't have time.  It's rare that he offers to take care of me after that.  That's not true.  It's not rare.  It's never actually happened.  But then, I don't ask him either.  If he can't figure out that it might be nice for me to come too, I'd just rather he not touch me.  It's infantile, but there it is."

"In my first marriage, I faked orgasms and almost never had a real one.  I was so good at faking that he thought the real ones were 'little ones'.  I started out right with my second husband.  I told him I don't come during sex and he bought a vibrator to use on me.  It worked!":  a 40 year old European white woman.

A 28 year old single black woman:  "If I have masturbated during the day, I don't care if I come or not.  But I am really disappointed if I want the O and he doesn't help me get it.  I hate that almost feeling."

4.  Is cunnilingus your primary path to orgasm in partner sex?

Yes, for more than 70% of the women, it is. Men have learned that cunnilingus is the surest path to female orgasm--and that "She Comes First" (Ian Kerner's book.)  Obviously, many of them are pretty good at performing oral sex  The proof is in the coming.

"I only come via oral sex or masturbation.  Intercourse does not get me there.  I love the feeling of being penetrated and wish I could have it all together":  A 30 year old single woman from St. Thomas.

"Some boys are better at it than others, but I have learned how to take his face in my hands and guide him.  Sometimes I have to ask for the tip of the tongue, not the full, fat tongue.  But all I have to do is ask.  Boys are eager to please.":  A 29 year old single white woman.

"Not with my husband--we're still working on that.  But with my lover, hell yes!  He loves my pussy so much that he gets harder when he has his face in it.  Our oral sex is epic":  A 35 year old married white woman.

"Yes, it is--and thank the goddess that, contrary to their reputation, black men do go down":  A 39 year old single black woman.

5.  How often does your partner give you what you want and need?

Most said:  "Most of the time."  I am a little suspicious of those four women who claim:  All the time!  Really?  How is that humanly possible?  These men have never had an off day or night?

"If I don't get what I want, it's because I don't ask":  a 40 year old white married woman.

"I don't know how to ask.  Black women are all in your face in public, but in bed with our man--no.  If I did, I'm sure I would get what I want more often than I do by dropping hints": a 23 year old black woman.

"It took me a while to figure out that most men want to please us while a few don't much care.  You have to find out early on and then you'll get what you want.  I do now":  a 41 year old European white woman.

6.  Do you experience multiple orgasms--if so, how often and when?

40% said they do experience multiples, at least occasionally.  Again, that's a higher than "average" percentage.  (Four women said they have multiple orgasms every time they have sexual contact.) The most likely scenario:  cunnilingus resulting in one or more orgasms, followed by intercourse, including clitoral stimulation.

"With my lover, every time.  He's amazing with his fingers and tongue and can keep me coming for over an hour.  With my husband, sometimes":  a 32 year old married white woman.

"I have multiple orgasms when we have a long time to make love--or on a one night stand on a business trip":  a 39 year old married white woman.

"I experience them more and more often with every year.  When I was 20, I struggled to come":  a single black woman, 38.

7.  Are you confident in your erotic skills and happy in your sex life?

75% said Yes.  The 25% who equivocated or qualified their happiness also reported difficulties with orgasm--and/or disparate levels of desire.  They have husbands who don't want as much sex as they do.  When a woman is not sex happy, she knows exactly why.

"Sex is just not ever in your life what you think it will be, but that's especially true after you've been married twenty years.  I'm always reading about the aging Boomers and their hot sex lives.  I'm not quite a Boomer and my sex life is cold, cold, cold.  I want romance and passion.  I get 'Shall we do the dirty tonight?'"  A 42 year old married black woman.

"The best advice I ever got:  Not sexually satisfied?  Do Kegels and tone up your vagina--oh, and buy a vibrator:"  A 33 year old single white woman.

"I am happy with my sex life now.  My husband doesn't meet my needs so I took a lover"  a 38 year old married European white woman.

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

THE SEX HAPPINESS SURVEY RESULTS, Part One: Happy People Have Oral Lovers; Her Orgasms=Happiness--and Yes, Black Men Do Go Down

 

 

 

Photo Credit:  "Heels" by JTMeg on Photobucket

I couldn’t resist writing a headline that draws sweeping conclusions exactly like the media reports of surveys I usually pan--because I know my readers will get the irony. The overblown media coverage of The Happiness Gap (claiming men are happier than women) inspired me to create a SexyPrime survey on happiness and sex.  Remember:  Surveys are snapshots, not definitive portraits.  This little snapshot is an interesting one of some of my readers--a group who are likely more interested in sex and better at it than the average man or woman.

First, where are the women who castigated me for 7 Questions on His Prime Member?  (Men were fine with 7 Questions Your Prime Member.) Women wanted more relationship-oriented sex questions.  I wrote them. They didn't answer.  The guys did.

Here's the breakdown of survey respondents:

212 men ranging in age from 24 to 68, with 75% between 29 and 44, 55% married or in a relationship

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Racial Breakdown:  38% American white, 30% African American, 10% Hispanic American, 10% Asian American, 7% white European, 3% African, 2% Arab

73 women, ranging in age from 20 to 52, with 60% between 29 and 44, 60% married or in a relationship.

Racial breakdown:  70% American white; 18% African American; 8% European, white; mixed race from Caribbean islands, 4%

4 men and 3 women wrote to say:  “I have no sex life.”

One woman cited prolonged illness, another, "marriage".  An estimated 20 million couples under the age of 59 live in sexless marriages.  But that's another survey, not one I want to do

The highlights:

 

• Enthusiastic participation in oral sex and her orgasms (which equated with confidence in erotic skills) were the common threads among the 75% of men and women who rated their sex lives “happy.” 

    
• They reported higher than "average" sexual activity, with 50% (including older respondents) having sex three times a week and another 10% having daily sex.  A 68 year old white widower has sex three times a week--and has had over 300 partners since his wife died five years ago.
•  While fewer women responded, 80% of those who wrote about extramarital affairs were women.
•  Single men were twice as likely as men in relationships to prefer a Blow Job over intercourse.  (Several cited "hating" condoms.)

 

 

 THE MEN'S QUESTIONS

1.   1.  How often do you have sex, including masturbation?

A handful of respondents admitted to having sex only two or three times a month while most fell into the two or three times a week category.

A single black man, 42:  “I rarely have real sex these days.  I masturbate almost daily because I like to come.  If I can’t do it one day, I masturbate multiple times in one day to catch up.”

Single black male, 27:  “I tease myself while masturbating as I go just until the point of ejaculation and then stop--and start again.  I have such a build-up that I shoot a lot of cum.  It’s amazing!”

A 24 year old white newlywed:  "We have sex once every other day, multiple times a day on weekend.  I masturbate when out of town."

 

W   2. When do you prefer a blow job to intercourse?

A single 34 year old black man: "Any time a woman insists on a condom, I prefer a BJ.  I hate intercourse with condom." 

A 40 year old married white man:   "Almost any time I can get it.  I like fucking a lot, but nothing is as good as a BJ."

And a 44 year old married white man:  "I want it all.  Start with oral, switch off, go back and forth until where I end up coming surprises us both.  Switching makes sex last longer."

A 27 year old married Hispanic American:  "It’s never a replacement for intercourse.  I enjoy both, especially if a woman knows what she’s doing.”

A single 35 year old Hispanic American:  “It depends on the girl.  If she is passive, I love intercourse and just being on top and in her.  If she lets her kinky side out, BJ."

3.  3. How often does your partner give you what you want and need?

Overwhelmingly, you said:  Most of the time.

A 42 year old black single male:  “Of late my partners always do what I want.  They are online hook-ups where we are both trying to please one another."

 

4.  4. How much do you enjoy performing cunnilingus—and does she come this way?

 75% said they enjoy it very much.  Black men, single and married, were the most enthusiastic.  (Another myth busted here on SexyPrime.)  Among the 25% who were said "not much" or "not at all"--there was more concern about her orgasms and their erotic skills.  (One man said, "I don't mind it so much"--and maybe that explains why he also isn't sure if his partner comes or not.)

A 40 year old married black man:  “I eat pussy and I try to be in tune to what her body is telling me.  I listen and am open and will do whatever she needs me to do to make her cum." 

 A 29 year old married black man:  ”I love performing it very much.  If a woman comes before intercourse, it turns her on more.  My lovely lady always comes when I go down on her.”

Not surprisingly, they reported that their partners always or usually reach orgasm by cunnilingus--often multiple times.   A 55 year old white married man, one of my favorite respondents, said, "I am proud to be a Cunnilinguist!  I love pleasuring her pussy." 

Some men, like this 24 year old white married man, said their partners didn't like or weren't comfortable with cunnilingus.  He said:  "She gets uncomfortable about me doing this.  Sometimes she gets close to coming and I wish she would let me go on." 

 

5.  5. Is anal intercourse at the top of your sexual wish list, and, if not, what is?

Anal intercourse topped the wish list for 65% of the men.  20% said "experimenting with something new."

A 40 year old single black man:  “I find it nasty when it’s spontaneous.  When you plan for it with all the prep that needs to be done to make it clean—all the fun goes out of the act.”

A 37 year old single black man:  "Oh, yes  it is a joy to do." 

A 31 year old married Asian man:  "NO.  Getting my wife to experience a orgasm-- and then more than one.  That is my wish list."

 

6.  6. What does she do to drive you wild?

Dirty talk, text messages and the use of fingernails topped the list--but what a great variety of answers!  Some were obvious--"Swallow my cum"; "Lick my ass"--while others were unique.  I love this one: "Her special BJ.  She starts out slow, rubbing my cock on her face, getting into it with her mouth and tongue very slowly as she runs her fingernails up and down my thighs."  

A 40 year old white husband:  "She exhibits a high degree of emotional surrender/submission."

6. Are you confident in your erotic skills and happy with your sex life?

Only 25% of the men said they were not happy (or very happy) with their sex lives.  Most qualified by explaining they didn't have a regular partner or weren't meeting the right women, like this man:

A 36 year old single black man:  “I am confident when I have a good fit.  But I am feeling sensual these days and I’m meeting women who want to get pounded.  My sex life is not as good as it could be, but I can’t complain."

I like the man who said, "I'm good, but the skills can always be improved" and the 50 year old white husband who said, “I am always reading and watching educational videos because there is always someone with a good idea or a better way.  Open mind is key!"

A 24 year old Indian American said:  "We married as virgins last year.  We're figuring it out.  As far as happiness goes, I think we are.  I focus on the communication and physical affection."

PART TWO:  HER SEX HAPPINESS SURVEY RESULTS THIS WEEKEND

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

THE SEXYPRIME HAPPINESS SURVEY: 7 Questions on His Sexual Happiness

Photo Credit:  "Red Robin" by Anna on Photobucket

 

 

7 Questions on His Sexual Happiness

Happiness has been on my mind this week.  The overblown reports about the (virtually non-existent) Happiness Gap between men and women made me wonder:  Is there a gender difference in sexual satisfaction?  On the one hand, orgasm is inevitable for men while problematic for women.  (There really is an Orgasm Gap.)  On the other hand, women are capable of more orgasms pleasure than men.

 

Who gets what he or she wants more often?

What makes you happy (or not) about your sex life?

Please tell me your age, race, relationship status when you answer—anonymously, of course.  I so enjoyed your responses to the penis survey that I can’t wait to hear what you’ve to say now.

 

1.      1.          How often do you have sex (including masturbation)?
2.     When would you rather receive a blow job than have intercourse?
3.     How often does your partner(s) give you what you want and need?
4.     How much do you enjoy performing cunnilingus—and does she come this way?  More than once?
5.     Is anal intercourse at the top of your sex wish list—and, if not, what is?
6.     What does your partner(s) do to drive you wild?
7.     Are you confident in your erotic skills and happy with your sex life?

 

 

 

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

 

THE SEXYPRIME HAPPINESS SURVEY: 7 Questions on Her Sexual Happiness

 

 

Photo Credit:  "Red Heels" by Carthie on Photobucket

Her 7 Questions on Sexual Happiness

Happiness has been on my mind this week.  The overblown reports about the (virtually non-existent) Happiness Gap between men and women made me wonder:  Is there a gender difference in sexual satisfaction?  On the one hand, orgasm is inevitable for men while problematic for women.  (There really is an Orgasm Gap.)  On the other hand, women are capable of more orgasms than men.

Who gets what he or she wants more often?

What makes you happy (or not) about your sex life?

Please tell me your age, race, relationship status when you answer—anonymously, of course.  I so enjoyed your responses to the penis survey that I can’t wait to hear what you’ve to say now. 

 

1.       1.          How often do you have sex (including masturbation)?
2.     How much do you enjoy performing fellatio—and do you swallow?
3.     How often do you reach orgasm during lovemaking?
4.     Is cunnilingus your primary path to orgasm in partner sex?
5.     How often does your partner(s) give you what you want and need?
6.     Do you experience multiple orgasms—how often and when?
7.      Are you confident in your erotic skills and happy with your sex life?

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime