SexyPrime, a blog by Susan Crain Bakos

A Puma Makes Her Case For Being "Prime": A Reader Writing In Bra

Today's Reader in Bra, Writing About Sex isn't exactly wearing a bra, but it's close--and great photo.

I dispute some of Bridget's points, however.  One, the concept of a woman's sexual peak being in her thirties is dated--and limiting.  Every age is prime.  Babes in their 20s or 40s or 50s are having great sex.  Two, many Cougars do not pick up the check.  I don't.  I date boys with money.  Three, most Kittens are more complex and interesting than Bridget makes them out to be.  And, finally, Four:  Your erotic options are not as narrow as you think they are.

So, Bridg....love the writing, but had to challenge your stereotypical Old Girl thinking.  Babes, weigh in on the Sexy Age controversy.  I'd love to hear your opinions.

Here's Bridgett:

 

The life of the puma or the life of a puma...

I learned a new term yesterday. Puma. The abyss between kitten and cougar.  Nowadays cougar's are grabbing all the attention. These ladies, 40 plus, who have had the family, the career, and thanks to the marvels of modern medicine..ahem, non-invasive enhancements, are back on the prowl.  The general theory is that these women have money, perhaps from a successful career, perhaps from a successful divorce. These women have no problem taking a young sexy guy home after paying for his Stella’s at the bar.

Then, of course, there are the kittens. Twenty-something year olds who are just embarking on career and possibly (depending on their geography) families. Young chicks who after the experimentation in college, are ready to move into a more normal relationship. They can find love with a nice guy and start out together.  Some girls can “cash in” on their youth, so to speak and reap the benefits of being arm candy for someone more successful, and probably, quite a bit older.

What about the girl who has come upon her early 30’s, has never been married, perhaps has had a couple long-term relationships  previously, and is still living paycheck to paycheck? She is not the kitten bright eyed and brazilian waxed; nor is she the cougar successful, in charge,  and running the show.

The worst part of the puma’s predicament is the fact that she is ramping up on her sexual peak & if she is not in a relationship, and getting “it” regularly; instead of it being a wonderful time of sexual empowerment, she feels second in command to the higher power of her hormones.

I suffer this personally! There are sleepless nights when I’m actually aching (Advil does nothing for the pressure down there) and days when I’m walking blindly into traffic because my eyes are trapped on some beautiful young guy ahead of me.  I am in two places at once. I want a great fuck with a young man who has “skin like butter”. And, at the same time I would like to fall in love again. Move into a “real” relationship, and possibly have a family.  So when I meet some “hot young thing” and after I’ve dragged him into bed, to fulfill my needs, I can still be hurt by the fact that I have set up this relationship in such a way that it is strictly sex and he isn’t dying to “date” me.  Although I am 32, I still feel like a girl in so many ways. I still crave romance and dream of finding my perfect guy. I am caught in the midst of two worlds, being pulled between two desires that, it seems, cannot live in harmony...Your 30’s are supposed to be the sexual highlight of a young woman’s life, and for some women, this may be.  But, for myself, sometimes I wish I could just remove my vagina, throw it in a box and store it safely in my cupboard (where I'm beyond it’s control), until my mind and heart actually fall for someone.

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

Can An L.A. Girl Get Her Lip On In NYC?--A Reader Writing In Bra

J is our second Reader Wearing Bra, Writing About Sex.  I met her shortly after her arrival in New York City from L.A.  She is an interesting young woman and a good writer.  I am pleased to introduce her to you.  Here is her story:

 

 

As my 23rd birthday rapidly approaches, I'm adjusting to life as an adult and the changes that come along with the territory. I graduated last June from college in San Diego, moved cross country to Brooklyn and got my first full-time job, thankfully just before my parents cut me off financially. But of all the things to stress me out, the small and (somewhat) discrete lip piercing I've had for the past four years is proving the most personally tumultuous.

Don't get me wrong; I love my lip ring. My asymmetrical face and constant plaything have come to represent me and make me stand out from the crowd. But more and more, the thought of my lip ring coming off juvenile and costing me work crosses my mind. Even worse, in a city of suits instead of surfers, I am starting to think there's a real chance my piercing might interfere with finding lovers.

 In college, the sliver of metal in the corner of my smile worked more like a magnet than the caution sign I fear it is now. I first experienced its power when the newly done piercing helped me break an unplanned year-long dry spell.

"Did that hurt?" the soon-to-be-lover asked, touching his lip where a piercing would be with eyes fixated on my mouth.

 "Oh, not at all," I responded automatically. "It's a soft part of your body so the needle goes through easily. Even if the piercing did hurt, it's just too fun to pass up."

 "Cool," the boy said, nodding his head with feigned understanding, still entranced by my lips.

 Seeing my chance to break this nearly unbearable year of celibacy, I played with the snug horseshoe-shaped jewelry and asked coyly, "Have you ever made out with anyone with a lip piercing?" The boy admitted he had not with a sheepish grin.

 "Well you should come home with me so you can find out just how much fun it is," I said confidently.

 Later, after a car ride filled with wandering hands, a shared shower to "conserve water," my first successful 69 and the subsequent amazing sex, he admitted that my lip ring was a lot of fun.

He was not alone in asking about its secrets with hopes of finding out for himself. Plenty of people comment about the piercing, and they are the same ones who tend to first kiss me on that side of my mouth, eager to see what a curved piece of metal adds to the familiar action of kissing.

Foreigners from cities where piercings are less common flock to me like I am an American destination not to be missed. I would estimate that about half of my sexual experiences in the past four years have been aided, if not reliant, on my lip bling.

Then why the change of heart you ask? Because on my last lover — my first man instead of boy and more like the males I'm meeting in New York--the power of my shiny friend didn't work. In fact, my piercing seemed to nearly be a deal breaker. His disdain planted a seed of doubt in my head that this marriage of lip and metal wasn't made to last.

 The scene unfolded with the two of us relaxing after a particularly satisfying romp. Somewhere between the post coitus groping and cuddling, he abruptly asked me when I was going to take "that thing" out of my face. Protesting weakly that I liked it, he argued that it was just like having a "big trashy tattoo spelling out your last name on your chest." Shocked by this comment coming from someone who told me I had a beautiful smile anytime he had the chance, I started to reevaluate the state of my piercing.

I've started to be more aware of this thin piece of metal and its status as a foreign object in my face. My lip has inexplicably become sensitive like when I first had it pierced. I am by no means one to change something about myself – especially something I love – for a man, but perhaps in this time of drastic changes it is time for the "thing" to go. I have an appointment at Bumble and Bumble to cut off my hair that hasn't been cut in two years. I went to Zara and spent a ludicrous amount of money chic-ing my wardrobe. With all these changes (some would even say improvements), is there still room in my New York City life for an old California style?

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

 

 

 

Meet Tigress: Our First Reader Bra Photo/Sex Story

Tigress has been emailing me for a while now; and I've been encouraging her to post comments--which she has begun doing!--and also write an occasional blog entry.  Married happily to a man and just as happily involved with a female lover, Tigress is living a full erotic life.  (Husband and lover know about one another.)

I enjoy our correspondence so much because she is honest in recounting her sexual explorations and thoughtful in examining the obstacles she's overcome in discovering her own path to sexual empowerment.  Like me, she's also an avid reader; and I am determined to bring more of our book chat into the blog. Tigress is comfortable in her sexuality, but it's not been an easy journey for her to reach that place, which makes her supportive of other women in their own erotic journeys.  (This is exactly how I dreamed the blog:  women empowering one another through supporting the glorious diversity that is female sexuality; no breaking down into those tight little age/sexual orientation groups and criticizing one another for being different.)

She's also very concerned about sex education, especially for teens whom, she feels, aren't getting the information and support they need to make good decisions for themselves now and later in life.

And she is our first reader bra photo.  She sent three; and I had a hard time picking one so I am saving the other two for her next posts.

Here is Tigress' first post, a little erotic vignette, inspired she says, by a photo.

"I'm drawn to the shape of your neckline. When you tilt your head just so, the light casts an alluring shadow that my lips want to explore, to find a spot that makes you react to my touch. The collar of your blouse caresses my cheek and I inhale deeply, intoxicated by your scent. I sigh quietly against your skin and I feel your arm slip around my waist to pull me closer. I bring my hands up the back of your neck. Your hair feels like liquid silk slipping through my fingers.

"Reluctantly, I pull my mouth away. My hands come around and hold your face in my hands. The feel of your skin is addictive. My thumbs lightly feather your jawbone. So beautiful. Your eyes are cast downward to my hands and I can't see into them. But the slight curl of your lips tells me you know what I'm thinking, what I want. My lips need to be pressed to yours. As I draw closer to you, my hands slowly fall over the warm flesh your open blouse exposes. When I feel the slight swell that tells me I've reached your breasts, my breath turns ragged and my blood turns to fire.

"I must control the growing hunger and the urge to possess your lips. Moving quickly is not what this is about tonight. Just one very slow, searing kiss... I stop my hands from going any further feeling the thrill that your heartbeat is racing just as mine is. Finally, our lips meet. We embrace each other fully. A soft moan escapes your lips as they part gently. Your kiss is everything I knew it would be. You, here, in my arms leaves me dizzy with desire..and I wonder if I can see more of you.."

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime