Auntie Sue is a bit late going up today. Busy! Among other things, I was a guest on Doctor Radio (Sirrius/XM) Sexual Health Mondays with Dr. Miriam Greene, discussing The Orgasm Loop and the online workshop. (Sexual Health Mondays airs at 12 pm ET. Rebroadcasts Mondays 10 pm, Fridays 6 pm, Saturdays 12 am & 10 pm ET. I was the second guest, coming on after the half hour. You still have time to catch a re-broadcast.)
If you haven’t signed up for that—see The Orgasm Manifesto and do so this week. I am developing the questionnaires now; and the first thing I will ask is your sexual/orgasmic history. Get started on that now. I can’t wait to hear from you. (Identities are confidential; you can choose your own O Loop pseudonym.)
And now to the questions. (FYI, if she hadn’t sent photos and an “eel death video”, I would have written this first one off as a prank.)
Q. “It was all roses and champers [champagne] and mad crazy shagging for the first year. We moved in together. He signed up for a cooking class and made his own sushi and ate it off my body—which didn’t turn me on. Then he discovered eels. He bought one live in Chinatown, brought it home swimming in a bucket of nasty water, killed it by whacking its head on the counter—and made a dish I couldn’t even look at. After that, our sex life disintegrated. I think we are sexually incompatible and I don’t know how to get out of the lease. Is it possible to get the sex back—or do any of those lawyers writing to you have experience with British law?” Anna, London.
A. Two significant events coincided:
1. You had been riding the peak of your Desire Curves and were suddenly coming down from the NREU high (New Relationship Euphoria) back to your Desire Set Points when—
2. He discovered one of the least romantic and most un-appetizing dishes to prepare: eel.
Tell him: You don’t eat sushi off my body and you never bring a live eel into our home again—not if you hope to have sex more than once a month, on a good month.
Yes, you can play with the Desire Curve and create waves of renewed desire. Read the full explanation of Nan Wise’s Desire Curve—the most useful little piece of neuroscience you’ll ever read—in The Sex Bible for Women—where you will find many sex techniques and tips (as you can on SexyPrime.) Buy a pair of red heels and give him The Red Heels Kiss and The Red Heels Quickie.
So much more fun than banging eels. And how about a pastry class for him?
Q. “My husband is on medication for bi-polar disorder and depression. The drugs inhibit his sexual response—to the point where he can’t ejaculate without a sustained period of hard friction, more than my body can take. He brings me to orgasm orally and during intercourse with some manual help. When I am tired, he masturbates himself to orgasm, thrusting so hard I wonder that his penis can handle the punishment. Is there something else he can do? I am starting to avoid sex because it’s hard to watch,” Sienna, 42, an American ex-pat living in Japan.
A. First, he needs to talk to his doctor and describe what he goes through to reach orgasm/ejaculation. If the doc isn’t sensitive to sexual issues, find one who is. It’s possible that a different combination of meds, or different timing of the taking of them, could help him considerably.
Second, order him a penis sleeve from Babeland.
I'm going against conventional wisdom: Don't order the toy that puts the most pressure on the shaft. Buy him a high-end designer model, the racecar-shaped Cobra Libre, that focuses on the head and top of his penis. He can still control his shaft with his hands--BUT he may not need to use as much force with so much going on up top.
Revolutionary in men's sex toys, Cobra Libre (a Fun Factory toy) is waterproof and rechargable. Dips and ridges on the inside of the sleeve stimulate the head of the penis, while two independently vibrating motors provide a variety of pulsation and massaging sensations.
An alternative to a sleeve: The Big Daddy Pump
Designed to puff up the penis (temporarily), Big Daddy causes the tissues to be more sensitive. This increased sensitivity could make it easier for your man to reach orgasm/ejaculation.
Third, Can you work out the logistics of being part of his masturbation—maybe by holding his upper body or simply keeping your hand on his chest or thigh or buttocks? By talking dirty to him or reading from x-rated erotica?
Q. “I enjoy using sex toys on or with my partners. Vibrators are the coolest gadgets on the planet! Sometimes I am more educated about vibes than the women are. Recently I gave a babe I’ve been seeing for a few months an elegant JimmyJane Form 6 for her birthday.
“She said, ‘Do I know you well enough for this gift?’ I was taken aback. When is giving a vibe the appropriate thing to do?” Sean, Washington D.C.
A. If you are intimate with a woman, giving her a vibe is “appropriate.” That doesn’t necessarily mean she will like your choice--but she shouldn't complain about the propriety of the gift.
You gifted her with a top-of-the-line vibrator that has, like other JimmyJane products, won design awards. It's a little work of art--and devilishly fun to use. Have her scroll through the vibrators available on the Babeland site and tell you which ones she likes.
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