Once upon a time, I was pondering a marriage proposal when my pal Richard Anton Diaz said, “You never leave anything at his place; you’re not going to marry him.” There it was—the elephant in the room, its tote bag full of cosmetics, hair stuff and clean panties.
In his new and very popular Sexy Spirits’ course, The Hot Man/Woman Game of Sex & Love, Anton helps single men and women who can’t see past their own elephants into the eyes of a partner with whom they might connect. People may come to me looking for better sex, but they come to Anton looking for love, deeply connecting love—no less than the love of their lives, their soul mates—and they leave with the understanding of how to give and share love on a less exalted human plane, to be ready in case they get that big chance but to be fully human whether they do or don’t.
“Finding the love of your life is an archetypal desire in anyone, no matter how much we think it is a myth,” he says, “but it’s worse than looking for a needle in a haystack. The majority of people we meet romantically and sexually are most likely not going to be the love of our lives.”
It’s so refreshing to hear a love adviser not promise You Will Find The One If You Follow My Plan.
“Some people may never find the love of their life but they can have a richer life and more fun by playing a win-win game”—a game that is neither The Rules for women nor a Pick-up Guide for men.
I tried explaining a bit of this to my second Sex Babes client, another Wall Street man who freely admits, “I cannot connect to women, except briefly during the moment I am coming into them.
“Is that primal?” he asked, a forkful of steak tartar poised in front of his mouth, probably to emphasize his point.
No. Connecting is primal. Disconnecting, failing to connect, ripping the connection apart—that is the behavior of a civilized animal keeping his primal in check.
“Do women hate me?” he asked.
Maybe. Some women—probably yes. He’s got what they want but he doesn’t want to give it up. So, yes, hate.
“I like you,” I said.
“Really?” he asked. “Not just because I’m paying you to listen to me talk?”
Money helps, of course. But yes, I like him. I like men.
“I don’t have time to take your friend’s course. Would he see me privately?
"Is there a lesson plan?”
Anton had the Hot Man/Woman course so beautifully projected that, as I helped him this week create a book proposal for it, I watched the outline spiral and curve out of the material as if it were a thing alive, a staircase to, if not heaven, something good.
“Can he help me?” the client asked.
“Do you see elephants?”
The next morning I woke to Dan Taylor’s voice (The Morning Show, wcbsfm 101.1) and I felt it—connection. That voice, rich and deep, sensual and sexual plays the notes so well, moving from the witty remark to the genuine emotion—connecting …
I remembered Anton’s comment about the Hot game—“Whether people connect in a brief hook-up or a long-term relationship, they can learn to connect in an intimate practice that brings out their own true self. And their partners don’t feel played.”
Connection. God, we need it, don’t we? Whatever we do about elephants and marriage proposals, we need to feel connected—at least once a day.
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