I am still getting responses from my Christmas parable, "The Misanthrope, The Stone Frog. The Poisonous Toad and The Christmas Soldiers."
Apparently there is a plague of poisonous toads across the land. Maybe every family has one.
This reader’s comment made me giggle:
“My brother married a poisonous toad. When we met her, we thought she was loud, crude and bordering on white trash. Now that we know her better, we know she is a chain-smoking, cursing, pill-popping, manipulative narcissist who cannot talk about anything but herself and how people have wronged her, unless, of course, she is taking the inventory of others in the most vulgar terms. I’ve never heard her engaged in a discussion of ideas. But I wouldn’t insult the white trash nation by sticking their label on her.
“Thanks for the reminder not to let the toads ruin the holidays. Remember the Christmas soldiers!”
One of Auntie Sue’s greatest hits—
Q. “You seem to be telling women that they have to come during intercourse. Doesn’t that go against the precepts of a pro-sex feminist such as yourself? I don’t come during intercourse. We tried using pillows, but nothing helps. My husband gives me an oral orgasm and then we have intercourse for him. What’s wrong with that?” Becca, Melbourne, Australia.
A. Nothing is “wrong” with what has become the standard lovemaking pattern of Western couples: She comes first, he comes next. Dr. Ian Kerner wrote two books based on that principle: She Comes First; He Comes Next. Catchy titles, no? A suggested title for his next book: He and She Are Really Bored With All That.
Let’s re-think intercourse. It is not for men’s pleasure only. Generally speaking, women love to be penetrated. Even lesbians seek penetration through sex toys. Who do you think founded those wonderful national sex toy stores, Babeland and Good Vibrations?
So you love having him (or a reasonable facsimile of a penis) inside you. Why not figure out how to have an orgasm in that position? If you missed it yesterday, check out The O Man’s intercourse tips. (And learn The Orgasm Loop.
As a pro-sex feminist unafraid to surrender to a man who knows what he is doing with my body, I say: Intercourse can be wildly exciting and deeply satisfying for her as well as him. Help him take you there.
A new question—
Q: “My wife of ten years says she no longer desires me. Though she is never ‘ready’ for sex, we do have it once a week. Sometimes she gets very aroused, but she only comes if I finish her off. Is she dysfunctional? Is there a pill for that?” Michael, St. Louis, MO.
A. Michael, you may have seen that big Chicago study of several years ago concluding that 43% of women are dysfunctional. I don’t think so. Few women are truly dysfunctional but many are sexually dissatisfied. They are ill-informed about male and female sexuality, uncomfortable in expressing their own desires, unable to communicate during sex, and may have poor sexual skills—as may their partner. Also they likely believe that desire comes before arousal—as did most therapists a few decades ago—when, in fact, arousal most often precedes desire in women, especially in established relationships.
Is there a pill to fix this? No. Read my posts on the elusive pink pill.
What can “fix” the situation? Engage her in more lively sex talk, for example, talking about fantasies or what you find sexy in movies. Spend more time on her arousal.
Erotic lovemaking begins outside the bedroom. It’s a state of mind that you both create and sustain. You should have Daily Sex Bible on hand. It has 365 new ideas for everything from creating an erotic mood to kinky sex.
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