SexyPrime, a blog by Susan Crain Bakos

ANAL MOVES--SexyPrime's Best Anal Sex Advice

Photo Credit:  "Art of the Erotic" on Photobucket

 

I've spent the last few days in pleasurable pursuits, including dining with friends and reading a backlog of email.  Please be patient while I work my way through requests for a free ebook of The Orgasm Loop.  

The second most-asked question lately is a version of:  How do we make anal intercourse work for her?

Two men have answered that question for you.  Nothing I could say would improve upon their advice--

The Pull-Down Massage Move--D Ray's Technique for the Sexiest Anal Prep

M's Anal Intercourse Primer for Virgins & Novices

Also check out D Ray's Trust, natural oil for intimacy and massage. Read his informative blog.  Become a fan on Facebook.  And try the product!  Trust is like nothing else on the market.  It absorbs into the skin, leaving you feel naturally moist and luscious, not oiled and sticky.

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime.

HOLIDAY WEEKEND--Revisit M's Anal Primer

 
Photo Credit:  "Sexy Weekend" by Bohem on Photobucket

 

I've taken the holiday weekend off to visit with some of my favorite people, but I don't want to leave you without a weekend sex tip.

The most popular tips on SexyPrime are the Sex Wardrobe Basics (see category on side), expecially the classic:  The Basic Black Dress of Blow Jobs.

M's sex tips and other posts are also gaining in popularity.  If you haven't used his Anal Intercourse Primer for Virgins and Novices -no wonder anal sex isn't working for you. 

Auntie Sue is back tomorrow.  Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

 

IT'S KIMMIE WEDNESDAY!--"Dirty Little Secret", Part Twenty-Nine

Omigod, the image of a thumb inside an asshhole was never this hot.......

without delay, and with great pride and pleasure, I give you SexyPrime's own Kimmie:

 

Dirty Little Secret, part twenty-nine

He started making circles with the length of his thumb as he pushed in and out of her. She groaned, feeling stretched in new places. It was an intense blend of pleasure and awkwardness - and something on the edge of being pain, the way muscles feel when they haven't been used and are suddenly pushed to the limit.

Just as she was starting to think that maybe this was too much, the thrusting stopped. She felt something cool run down her crack. Perhaps not cool, but cooler than her body temperature right now. She was confused for a moment, but then his thumb slid more easily back into her.

Lube. He'd just lubed her ass.

She didn't think her cheeks could get any hotter, but they did. She felt like she was in a porno or something. She could hear wet sounds back there now, the squishing and slapping of slippery body parts coming together. She imagined that her entire ass was shiny and wet and he was sliding in and out of her like a well-greased machine. If her body even wanted to give any resistance, it couldn't. She was slippery and open now.

And really, did she want to resist? She took another deep breath and let it out slowly, forcing herself to relax again. She could hear a tiny part of her brain protesting that she wasn't that kind of girl, that she wasn't into anal sex. She didn't even want to say the words in her head - anal sex. Wait, was this anal sex? It was just a finger. Well, a thumb. But still - that wasn't sex, right? It was just... play.

She took another deep breath. Whatever it was. she liked it. As horribly embarrassing as the lube was, she had to admit that it had ended any hint of pain. Now his circling thumb made her feel thick and full. She snaked one arm under her, maneuvering around and through the pillows so she could reach her clit.

Oh god, this isn't going to take long, she thought. His cock filling her pussy, his thumb filling her ass and her own fingers on her clit were almost too much. With everything else he'd done to her today, she was already on the edge.

She felt him stop moving. What was this? Slowly, he pulled his thumb out. No, no, no, she thought. Put that back. She couldn't make herself say it, but she wanted that thumb to stay where it was. She had finally accepted it and now he was taking it away? She shook her head on the floor.

Then he pulled his cock out as well. That was too much, "No! Please," she said. "Put it back." Her fingers on her clit were nowhere near enough now. She had been so full and now she was so empty.

"Shush." She felt the cool drizzle again. "I told you we're doing this one my way." His belly slid up her back a little further as he checked the pillows under her. She heard more wet squishy sounds and then his weight was against her again. Thank goodness, he was going to keep fucking her.

But when she felt his cock in his fist, it wasn't pushing into her pussy this time. It was pushing against her ass.

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

THE BIRTHDAY GIRL GAME--First of a New Series: KINKY SEX GAMES

 
Photo Credit:  "Erotic Woman" by sexydanny on Photobucket

 

Anyone can administer a birthday spanking. 

Tie her spread-eagle to the bed, ice selected bits of her like a cake, alternate the warm licks of your tongue with the licks of your belt on her exposed inner thighs—and you have a birthday game—for ”vanilla’ people like us.  No “safe words” and BDSM rules necessary because it is just a hot little game that we can abandon if it no longer seems like fun.  Submission can be highly arousing, intensify intimacy—and lead to incredibly strong orgasms for the submissive.

Trust me:  For a little pain, you can get a tremendous amount of pleasure--and feel so relaxed.

[NOTE:  Obviously the dom/sub roles can be switched and/or the game can be played by two gals or two guys.  As I am more drawn to the sub role and am hetero, I tend to write DS from that perspective.  But the beauty of it is:  Anyone can lick the chocolate.]

Instead of canned icing, buy Babeland’s Edible Body Chocolate—hands down the best tasting body chocolate ever.  Krista, my product consultant, sent me a sample jar; and I couldn’t believe how good.  High quality chocolate in a sex toy product--and it's all natural, vegan and fair trade?  Only Babeland delivers that--and, for a short time, ON SALE.

 

.           

If I were the Birthday Girl in this game, knowing my lover was enjoying the taste of chocolate and I wasn’t would be sweet torment the equal of his lash on my thighs.  I would walk into the room selected for my punishment/delight wearing black lace thigh-topped stockings, classy stilettos, and thin leather straps defining my breasts like the outline of a bra—straps that he could adjust, making them tighter encouraging my breasts to swell and the nipples to stand up for him, adding another layer of delicious erotic pain to the “birthday cake.”  Around my waist I would be wearing my Incognito Lash Belt—

 

conveniently on sale at Babeland—a fashionable belt that becomes a whip when I unfasten the silver-plated clasp.  I would hand him the belt along with the body chocolate….

My heart beats faster and my breath comes quicker just imagining…

 

THE BIRTHDAY GIRL GAME

 

The preparations

Have her lie spread eagle on the bed with her arms and legs a little further apart than is comfortable.  Should she dare to protest, slap her exposed thighs, one good smack to each. (But don’t cut off her circulation.)

Blindfold her.  Not knowing if she will get the warm tongue or the sharp lash adds to her excitement. 

Instruct her neither to scream nor say, NO.  Tell her, “You may moan, grunt and groan, pant hard—but you will take your punishment like a lady.”  Focusing on “taking” the punishment gives her a sense of control.  Gradually you will see her stop trying/being able to ride the waves of pain but surrendering to them.  At that point, it won’t take much to put her over the edge into a special kind of ecstasy.

 

The game

The object of the game:  She must come in intercourse before you do--or receive further punishment.

• Decorate her; don’t finger paint chocolate all over her.  Swirl the body chocolate around her nipples, bringing it up to peaks.  Don’t spare the chocolate.  Fill her belly button with it.  Hold off on creating chocolate designs on her lower belly—because she’s going to sweat.

 

• With the tip of your tongue, indulge in small licks of the delicious chocolate.  Is she pulling against the restraints trying to put her whole nipple in your mouth—or otherwise being not submissive?

 

• Pick up the belt (or lash) and strike her inner thighs, once each.  If she merely winces, you know the following lashes can be a little harder.  Gradually work up to The Gasp.  She will gasp when the lash stings hard. 

 

• Go back to her nipples.  Clean one, suck and nibble it.  Lick the chocolate out of her belly button as your extra treat.  Keep it filled.  Indulge yourself.  Run a chocolate covered finger from nipple up her neck or down her belly--and follow with your tongue.

 

• Pick up the belt again.  Alternate a stroke to each inner thigh, gradually increasing the force as the game goes on.  How many strokes overall per game?  At least ten, five to each thigh—but, depending on the implement and your skill and her appetite for erotic pain, she may be able to handle more, as many as twenty—or more? 

 

• Repeat the nipple pleasure/torment, with fresh applications of body chocolate, until she is sweating and panting. 

 

• Surprise her occasionally by giving her the lash when she doesn’t expect it, perhaps by two strokes to each thigh instead of one—or surprise her by spending more time on her breasts than she is expecting.

 

• Make designs on her lower belly and draw an arrow pointing to her clit.  Lick the chocolate.  Ask he if she would like to have her clit sucked.  When she begs for that, pick up the lash.  The last two strokes to her thighs should be harder than she expects, but not more than you know she can handle.  A good dominant takes his submissive a little further than she would tell him to go—and he does it to her ultimate delight because he is carefully observing her responses. 

 

• Loosen her bonds but don’t untie her.  With clean hands, massage a little oil into the red lines you have drawn on her thighs.  Using more oil, stroke her labia, stimulate her clitoris and use two or three fingers of one hand in her vagina.  If she needs more arousal, use an internal vibrator, like the Berman Venus G, a slender wand that has pleasure ridges to stimulate the vaginal entrance while focusing mainly on the G spot.  (No clitoral vibe, the easy way to orgasm, for her now.)  When she's highly aroused, turn off the vibe.

 

• Mount her and ride her as hard as you know she can take.  Pull her hair, twist her nipples, tighten her leather straps (if she is wearing them around her breasts)—quick rough gestures to intensify her sense of pain/discomfort and cause fresh jolts of brain chemicals to be released into her body, jacking up her arousal.

Whisper, “If you don’t come before I do, there will be a further punishment.”

If she practices The Orgasm Loop, she will come. 

If not, well, maybe she won’t without the extra clitoral stimulation you are withholding from her--and also driving her crazy.

 

The resolution—and the submissive always wins big

Now that you have taken your pleasure with her, untie her, take the blindfold off.  If she’s not had an orgasm—or, if I were the Birthday Girl, not had as many as I want—you can finish the game by making her beg for release as “further punishment.”  Satisfy her orally or manually.

OR

If she is so inclined, take it higher.  Tell her to lie face down if she is ready for further punishment. 

If I were the Birthday Girl, I would roll over onto my stomach, grind my clitoris against the mattress, push my ass up in the air, taunting the master. He would respond to the challenge by telling me to hold my ass high and giving me five good lash strokes, escalating in force, to that place where the ass meets the top of the thigh—a very tender place indeed—leaving me trembling and on the edge of falling into that ultimate pain/pleasure so deep and dark and overwhelming.  By the time he put down his lash and pushed the head of his penis against my anus, I would be reduced to grunts and whimpers.

• You can give your submissive up to five strokes to her back, ass or back of the thighs. Draw out her exquisite arousal by making her count each stroke.  Now pleasure her.


If I were the Birthday Girl, I would want his cock in my ass.  (In case your submissive might have similar desires, suggest she do her anal prep before the game begins.)  With every thrust, he would mark his possession of me; and I would revel in that.  I would thrill to the sounds of his balls slapping my pussy as he pushed every inch of his cock into my ass.

Afterward, I might be a little embarrassed at my submission—but I would masturbate to the memory of it for several nights in a row, until I fell asleep exhausted with my hand in my pussy.

Are you ready to play The Birthday Girl Game?

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

 

 

IT'S KIMMIE WEDNESDAY!-- "Dirty Little Secret," Part Twenty-Seven

Kimmie is expert at turning up the heat. 

One of our readeers emailed this week to say:  "I never thought I would sustain interest in a serial for this long--but it just keeps getting hotter.  She brings the reader into her 'dirty little secret'--being in thrall to that unattractive man--and makes it our secret too."

Yes!

I am pleased and proud to give you SexyPrime's own Kimmie--

 

Dirty Little Secret, part twenty-seven

She stared at him as he pulled his pants off. His erection bobbed at her from under his belly, nodding hello.  He slid the pile closer to her with one foot, then grabbed the single pillow and lined it up with her knees.

“Face down,” he repeated.

She continued to stare as he pulled his t-shirt over his head. Face down could only mean one thing, she knew, but could he really mean for her to drape herself over the pillows right there in the foyer? Why not use the bed, or the couch? Anything more normal than a pile of pillows barely a few feet from the front door. Did he really expect her to do that?

He tossed his shirt to the side. Seeing that she hadn’t moved yet, he stepped forward, grabbed her hips and pulled her to her knees, kind of dragging her sideways and up onto the pillows. Yes, apparently he did indeed expect her to do that.

His fingers dug impersonally into her skin as he rearranged her where he wanted her. When he was done, the pillows lifted her ass slightly higher than the floor. She wasn’t really up that far, but at least her hip bones were cushioned. Her knees missed the single pillow, but it didn’t seem to matter because he grabbed it for himself, kneeling down on it and sliding forward.

He laid his palm over her tailbone and pushed her ass down. The pillows pushed her back up. He did it again, bouncing her butt, splaying her legs to the sides awkwardly. He reached around and jerked the pile a little further forward. The cool air chilled her now-exposed crotch.

She braced herself on her forearms crossed in front of her. Her shirt was shoved up under her armpits, leaving her breasts and lower ribcage on the floor. Right as she started to think to herself how ridiculous this was, she heard the snap of a condom. Then he shoved his fingers into her and pulled them out again, wiping them up her crack like he’d done before. It was hardly necessary; she was still soaked from what he’d just done to her. She was as wet as wet could be.

The next thing she knew, one of his arms came down beside her and his belly was resting on her ass. She felt his cock in his fist, pushing around, trying to find her hole. It was so slippery back there, and she doubted he could see around his belly at that angle. He poked her directly on the asshole and she tensed, her legs stiffening involuntarily, shoving him slightly away from her.

He immediately lowered the tip, which lined him up with his goal, and waited for her to relax. As her buttocks unclenched, he slid right in.

Oh god, that was good. His fingers and tongue were amazing, but there was still nothing like the feel of an actual penis. He moved his arms down to just above her hip bones and pinned her there, sliding in and out of her slowly. She was so wet that he could come all the way out and still easily slide back in.

It was like a tease, but it was also working for her. She could feel tension building slowly inside every time his cock pushed in and slid out. It made her want him to fuck her harder, though, to slam into her hard and fast.

She made a little noise and tried to lift her ass up a little further, but between the odd position of her legs and his weight pinning her down, there wasn’t much she could do. Slowly, methodically, he pushed in and pulled out. She whimpered and tried to push up again, and got slapped on the ass for her trouble.

“Relax,” he shushed her. “We’re doing this one my way.”

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

IT'S KIMMIE WEDNESDAY--"Dirty Little Secret," Part Twenty-Five

The lady always has an orgasm, if not several, in Kimmie's stories--and I love that.  So do our readers.  From an email sent to SexyPrime this week:  "...Susan, you are the most pro-orgasm sexpert I've ever read--and Kimmie's stories illustrate the point.  I strained and struggled to reach O before I learned The Orgasm Loop. The first advice you gave me was:  Read Kimmie; imagine you are that heroine; feel what she is feeling.  It really helped!  Learning the Loop put me over."

Today I prescribe another dose of Kimmie.  With great pleasure and pride, here is SexyPrime's own Kimmie--

 

Dirty Little Secret, part twenty-five

 

He squatted behind her.

“Let’s see what we have here.”

He slid his fingers between her buttocks and spread them apart, exposing her little wet asshole. He prodded it. He poked it. He slid a finger around it and up and down over it. He made little circles. He made bigger ones as well, pushing into her flesh and up her crack, but his finger always danced back to that small delicate spot.

Her legs wanted to collapse from the pleasure screaming through her nervous system from that one little area. Her thighs shook, begging her to lie down or at least to kneel so they could enjoy what he was doing to her as well. She saw a picture of herself on her knees, face down in front of him with her ass up and she groaned.

He removed one hand, switching his grip so that he could keep her cheeks propped open with a thumb on one side and his fingers on the other, like a clamp. He reached under her with his free hand to find her clit. A muscle in her leg jumped as his fingers found their mark. He pushed gently down to the root and slid two fingers up to the tip and back down again.

Come here, he was telling her orgasm. Come to me.

She was so mesmerized by the delicious sensation of his fingers on her clit that she could almost forget that his face was hovering right in front of her exposed asshole. Almost, but not quite. She knew he must be looking at it, as close as he was. Not to mention that he was still propping it open, holding her buttocks apart with his fingers.  She thought that maybe she could even feel his breath on her back there.

A few seconds later, she knew she was correct when he shoved his face into her ass and licked.

She screamed. She couldn’t help it. His tongue on her asshole was the most intense and amazing feeling she had ever had in her life. She clamped her teeth over the scream to stop it while her fingers dug into the wall, trying to keep her upright.

His tongue flicked quickly back and forth while his fingers kept their rhythmic stroking up and down her clit. Oh god, it was incredible. She was going to come so big and so fast. She concentrated on his tongue sliding wetly around her asshole. She pictured what they looked like, with her bare ass out, his face buried in it and his hand between her legs.

Her orgasm tingled on the edge, teasing her. She wished that he hadn’t told her to keep her hands on the wall. She wanted to reach down and touch herself, to grind against his face and shove something inside of her. He poked her asshole hard with his tongue, threatening to push it in. Oh god, that was nasty. She was close, so close.

And then his fingers were inside her, shoving in deep and thick, filling her. His face was still in her ass and those two fingers were still strumming perfectly but his other hand, oh god, yes, it was inside of her, thrusting, like it was trying to get its whole self inside and that was all it took.

Her whole body shook with the force of her orgasm. She rode his hand until her legs gave out and he gently lowered her to the floor.

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

ASK AUNTIE SUE--Defending Men in Questions from Women on Interracial Attraction, Anal Demands--& "Help! I am that domineering frigid wife!"

 
Auntie Sue's Legs, Photo by Trent

 

A SexyPrime fan wrote: 

“Why don’t you respond to that angry black woman blogger who hates you so much, she and her sister bitches must hit her rant daily to keep it at the top of your Google search?  I must say that anyone who wonders why black men date white women only has to read that crap to understand why.”

I’ve never read her screed because I don’t read hate bloggers, but readers have written to complain about her.  She has sold a lot of books for me—to black men who say they bought a book in support of me.  Some of my favorite SexyPrime commenters found me through her.  I’m sure this is not the outcome she expected.

And now to the questions—

Q. “I have tried dating white guys, but they all look the same to me.  They seem more shy than black men.  I am attracted to shy guys because I like to control.  I find white guys in the movies on TV, especially Tom Cruise, to be very sexy.  How do I find that in an average white guy?  And what are they really like in bed?”  Keisha, 27, Harlem, New York City.

A.  Racial stereotyping works both ways, doesn’t it?   

First, not all white guys are shy.  You are likely encountering young white men who tread very carefully in approaching black women in Harlem. 

Second, not all shy guys will let you be “in control” in relationship or sexually.  Often the quiet man in public is dominant in the bedroom.  Why do you need to be “in control”  of a relationship? Do you know you are reinforcing one of the worst stereotypes about black women when you say that?

Finally, there is no “average white guy.”  Statistically, white men are more likely to perform cunnilingus, use sex toys with their partners, have heterosexual anal intercourse and practice other “outside the box” sex behaviors than men of other races.  Individually, white men have a wide range of sexual styles, as do other men.

 

Q. “I’ve had it with men and dating!  No wonder so many women my age think of men as sperm donors only.  Why do men demand anal sex on the first date, prefer blow jobs to intercourse, spend little time on arousing, never mind seducing, women—and expect compliance with a smile—especially since they are so bad at anal and performing oral?”  Jennie, 35, Seattle, Washington.

A.  Last week in Ask Auntie Sue, I reported on a credible sex survey finding that women who enjoy anal intercourse also have more orgasms.   Many women, however, complain about men "demanding" or "expecting" anal intercourse the first time—a turn-off.  Anal intercourse can be painful if a man doesn't know what he's doing--and only wants to jackhammer into her anus the way it's done in porn.  Prior to the anal porn explosion, a man expected to know a woman before he asked for anal intercourse, more intimate and submissive than vaginal intercourse, and approached with greater patience and care.

Why go straight to anal with a stranger not invested in you in any way?  Why trust him with your ass?  Compliance with a smile?!  Really?  Women are doing this?

That said, if you are not getting the kind of sex you want from men, you have to take the responsibility.  He makes the anal request/”demand”.  You respond:  “I don’t do that with a man until I know him well; I’ll let you know when I’m ready.”  If he persists, he’s out, no second chance.  He wants a blow job, you want intercourse?  Push him down on the bed, mount him and take what you want from him.  (See “The Trinidad Wind and Grind.”) 

Most men want to please their partners.  You  assume the lead in showing them how to do that, beginning with seduction.  If he didn’t take the time to make you feel desired, why are you in the position of having to refuse anal sex with him anyway?  Slow it down.  Women, as well as men, have forgotten how to flirt and charm—how to create desire and arousal—how to seduce. 

My dear, the least interesting fact about male sexuality is sperm production.

 

Q. “I was so angry after reading your posts on FakeName Facebookers (one and two) exposing Sexy Beast.  I am that woman, the Bitch Wife who never wants sex, is constantly angry and controlling.  My husband could have been your Sexy Beast, if he had the body—or cock!—or ability to write erotic letters.  He’s probably on line with some lesser women now.

“He turned me into this bitch, he drove me to it with his passivity.  I fantasize an SM affair with a man who will make me beg for his cock, slap my ass, torment my nipples like you wrote about in ‘A Little Pain, Please.’  I crave a dominant man—and I get this coward who won’t stand up to me—or even talk honestly to me!—but undermines me constantly.

“How can I get MY needs met?  Do we need couples therapy?”  Jocelyn, 49, another Midwesterner.

A.    His passivity has fed your control issues and vice versa—but he didn’t turn you into a bitch any more than you turned him into a passive/aggressive partner.  The two of you created this accommodation in tandem.  You might be able to figure out how to handle all that if the sex were better.  Sadly, too many women use sex as a commodity, sublimating desire, dispensing and withholding their sexual favors to control the man, the relationship.  That never works, but it does play hell with the sex.

Jocelyn, most therapists suck.  Their success rates are ridiculously low—and would be unacceptable in any other profession.  Most marital or couples therapists not only don’t start by talking about your sex life, but may not get around to it for weeks or months, if ever.  Worse, they bring their own sex attitudes, prejudices and hang-ups into their practice.

Look for a sex coach or therapist/coach accredited by AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors & Therapists.)  Go to the website of Dr. Patti Britton, the creator of sex coaching.  Her book, The Art of Sex Coaching, is the industry bible. 

In Dr. Patti's Bulls Eye Method theory, the sex is the bull’s eye.  Start there.  Fix the sex and it is easier to fix the rest of the issues on the marital dart board.

Still, your needs may not get met in the marriage, even with coaching, if your husband doesn’t desire to act out an SM scenario.   Have you shared your fantasies with him?  You may have to look outside the relationship for the kind of sex you want.  How do you feel about that? 

How about a FakeName Facebook account?

Stay in touch.  I would love to hear that you have released the anger and moved on to a sexier place.  One last suggestion:  Read Shameless:  How I ditched the diet, got naked, found true pleasure and somehow got home in time to cook dinner (Rodale) by Pamela Madsen.  I LOVE this book.  Pamela is the guru for every woman who hasn't been getting her sexual needs met.

Don't get angry.  Get Shameless.

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

IT'S KIMMIE WEDNESDAY--"Dirty Little Secret," Part Twenty-Four

Kimmie is still at the beach--but once again, she took the time to write another chapter in our favorite sizzling serial--even driving into town in search of WiFi to send it. 

With great pride and pleasure (and extra gratitude), I give you SexyPrime's own Kimmie--

 

Dirty Little Secret, part twenty-four

The next thing she felt was the wide push of two fingers sliding thickly between her buttocks, stopping directly on her tiny little hole. Somehow, she kept her eyes on his, but the violation was almost unbearable. He had his finger pressed wetly against her asshole, poised to push the millimeter more that it would take to dive in.

Her brain felt scrambled, rapidly skimming back and forth between desire for what he was about to do and horror of it. Was he just teasing her or was he about to breach her backside? Her brain was fighting it, but her body was begging. Push, it was telling him. Push in and make me moan…

He watched her face. Emotions rippled over her skin, barely registering, but giving him a good show of what was swirling around in her head. They were eye to eye, but he could see that her focus was on his finger rather than his face.

He shifted the finger on her asshole the tiniest bit. Miniscule muscles twitched her eyebrows and lips. The movement was barely discernable and so quick that he felt certain that only his subconscious could have noticed.

He did it again. The same thing happened, only this time, she made a tiny noise as well, and her expression turned pleading.

He smiled.

“Keep your hands against the wall.” He released her head, snaking that hand around the front of her to release the button and zipper of her skirt. Removing his hand from her backside, he pulled her skirt and panties down in one swift motion.

“Step,” he commanded.

She turned her forehead to the wall as she stepped out of her skirt and underwear, naked now from the waist down. Her heart pounded. Excitement? Fear? Both, she decided. She had no idea what he was going to do, but she had to admit that she hoped it had something to do with her ass. She cringed mentally even thinking it to herself, but it was true. That whole area felt hopeful and expectant in an entirely new fashion. She could feel her pulse throbbing from her pussy all the way up her crack right now, like a beacon.

He tossed the clothing to the side and moved behind her. He ran his hands up her arms to her wrists, kissing the back of her neck. She groaned as the hard bump of his covered erection slid against her naked skin. He brought her wrists together just above her head, holding both of them with one hand. He wrapped his other arm around her waist and pulled her hips away from the wall, forcing her to take a step back.

Her forehead and arms leaned against the wall like she was just casually taking a break. In fact, if she wasn’t bare from the waist down, she might look as though she was looking for something she had just dropped.

The rest of her, however, was bent over and inviting.

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

ASK AUNTIE SUE--BJ & Anal Quickies, A Little Orgasm Science--& Responses to The Outing of Sexy Beast--& An Apology to Dan Taylor's Female Fans

 
Auntie Sue's legs, Photo by Trent

 

Oh, my, the spirited emails I’ve received these past few days!  Who needs fireworks?  I’ve heard from people who said I should not have exposed The Sexy Beast and others, like this woman—“Oh, excellent writing!  Spot on!  The right blend of wit and sarcasm”—who are glad I did, from cheating husbands and cheating wives and from the cheated upon—“I don’t like you so much if you were sleeping with a married man, even only briefly”—from lawyers, including lawyers delighted to learn M, the Ass-Master is one of them—“Sue, Baby, if you need another lawyer in your corner, I’m there”—from so many people disappointed that the saga of The Sexy Beast ended with “exposing another cheap, cowardly guy, unable to function without the derided Wife firmly in place as anchor”—and from many women who would “do him” if they weren’t put off by the “cheapness thing.” 

The big message I hope we all get out of this:  SINGLE PEOPLE, IGNORE THE SAD LAMENTS ABOUT MEAN SPOUSES AND MOVE ON.  A MARRIED MAN OR WOMAN WHO USES COMPLAINING ABOUT THE SPOUSE AS A SEDUCTION STRATEGY DOESN'T DESERVE TO GET LAID.

“You and M should have an affair,” several readers suggested. I don’t sleep with my guy pals; M has a very full dance card anyway.  Also I have hopes of the two of us doing more writing together; and clearly, nothing gets in the way of a man and woman being co-writers like having sex.  (However, I will pass along your contact info to him if you like.)

The stories from women reporting their own experiences with FakeName married Facebookers trolling for sex are incredible.  I’ve even heard from other women who were friended by Mit Lecrup (Tim Purcell.)  (“Need an affidavit?”)  Some men peevishly asked, “How is a married man supposed to get laid if he doesn’t say the wife won’t put out?”  (Clearly, Sirs, you missed my conclusion calling for greater sexual honesty.)

But the most outraged group of readers writing to Auntie Sue this week are the female fans of Dan Taylor, host of WCBSfm 101.1 “Morning Show.”  The gist of their complaint:  Why was he #7 in last week’s list of the 7 most asked questions?

Babes, you are correct in assuming there is more interest in Dan’s sexy voice than in, for example, how my lawyer/lover/cousin BR feels about being identified on SexyPrime.  (But once more, in case you missed it:  BR requested identification; my cousin is an exhibitionist in a good way, but aren’t most litigators?)  Questions about DT were running second behind Orgasms!—always #1.  I closed the post with DT because I was saving the best for last.  Mea culpa.

On a related note, forty female fans (and growing) who work in the city want a lunch with DT this fall.  They are prevailing upon me to take charge of the planning.  With DT’s permission, I will do that—but, for his protection, I’ll also invite his sidekick Mr. G, his producer Louis, his boss Brian and perhaps borrow a guard dog.  I am but one petite femme.  (Two of these ladies went to Six Flags for the station’s promotional event AND stood on line for his autographed photo.  I love DT, but I will stand online with champagne flute in hand when he is appearing at an elegant bar in Manhattan—or, okay, maybe Bloomies or some place selling great shoes at discount prices.)

Oh, and one more thing--I have decided not to write about my own sexual experiences ever again.  Enough is enough.  And the likelihood that I will ever again befriend an internet stranger on any level is slim.  But by "strangers," I don't mean SexyPrime readers.

Now to some Quickies (short questions, short answers) with next week's Auntie Sue a return to the longer Q/A format—

 

Q. “My new man is bisexual.  He says that women don’t give as good a blow job as men but that I give the best he’s had from a woman.  That’s not good enough!  What should I do?”  Chessie, Brooklyn, New York.

A.  I love your competitive spirit, darling.  Have you tried my technique, “The Basic Black Dress of Blow Jobs”?  It’s been satisfactorily road-tested by gay pals.  The secret to an exceptional blow job is, yes, mastering the basic strokes, but combining them in ways to suit the man’s responses.  Pay attention.

If he still says, Men do it better, consider asking for a demonstration.  Are you comfortable watching him receive oral sex from a man?  Is he?  Then, why not?

 

Q “My long-distance lover has agreed to have anal sex with me on our next rendezvous.  My wife of 18 years won’t even let me finger her anus.  I am so grateful that I want to make this an awesome experience for my lover.  She’s only had anal a few times—and said it hurt.  I’ve only had it a few times myself.  Please tell me what to do,” George, British ex-pat living in Tangier.

A. First, anal intercourse does hurt if you thrust too forcefully into her and/or pick up speed too soon.  You must read the master, M, the Ass-Master, on this subject.  His Anal Intercourse for Beginners and Novices primer is excellent.

I only disagree with him on the enema question.  This is one time porn stars are the best source of information.  The girls use anal cleaning enemas the night before a shoot.  They don’t eat in the morning.  But they do squirt vials of lubricant up their anuses—and insert a well-lubed butt plug to stretch (gently) the opening. 

Best bet for product performance and economy:  Babeland's Bootie Plug and Sliquid Bootie Lube Combo

 

 Suggest your lady do this behind the scenes preparation. Then follow M’s lead.  Done properly, anal intercourse is REALLY hot—though something most women only want with a special man.  Let me know how it works out.

 

Q. “I am quite sure I read that women who enjoy anal sex are more orgasmic than other women.  Can you source that for me?”  JJ, Houston.

A.  The National Sex Survey conducted by Indiana University and reported in The Journal of Sexual Medicine last year did include that statistical co-relation between women who practice anal intercourse and women who experience more orgasms.  But that leaves a lot of room for speculation.  I really enjoyed William Saletan’s analysis in “The Riddle of the Sphincter” on Slate.com.  He posits many theories—read it!

My theory:  Likely more open to experimentation in positions, techniques and practices, women who have more orgasms probably reach orgasm easily from a variety of stimuli, including anal.

I also like one of Saletan’s suggested explanations:  First, women have the orgasms, then they are seduced into anal intercourse.

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

EROTIC SPANKING, ANAL SEX AND SEX REBELS--PLEASURE BOUND gives us Victorians we can love

 
Photo Credit:  "Victorian Beauty" on Photobucket

 

The Victorians were not Puritans without the funny hats, which is how we think of them, if we think of them at all.

In the Victorian heyday, prostitution was legal; death was eroticized; lesbians could sleep together as “friends,” socially invisible lovers, because nobody thought women were that sexual; flagellation porn was the favorite flavor; and bosoms most certainly did heave above those restraining corsets.  Yes, Oscar Wilde went to jail for being gay; women didn’t have the vote; and any little STD could kill you if the treatment, including institutional incarceration for prostitutes, didn’t get you first.  No historical time period has it all, but this one was livelier, more intensely interesting and certainly more relatable to modern men and women than most people would ever guess.  

By comparison, “contemporary pornography is kind of boring,” says Deborah Lutz, author of PLEASURE BOUND:  Victorian Sex Rebels and the New Eroticism (WW Norton); and she should know because she has a Victorian porn collection.

An English professor at Long Island University, with a specialty in erotica, Deborah lives in the Greenpoint section of Brooklyn which my car service driver told me last night is “very far away.”  Pause.  “Far.  Very.”  We had that discussion on the phone at 7:30 p.m. Thursday night, the exact time I was supposed to be at Greenlight Bookstore having a public discussion with Deborah about sex.  (Have you ever been stuck on a train in a tunnel feeding into the Penn Station terminal while signals were down?  Don’t plan on making your dinner reservations when it happens.)  The driver said:  “Ten minutes to get to you at Penn, maybe fifteen, at least thirty minutes, depending on traffic, to get you to Greenpoint.  Ms. Bakos, I think you would be arriving too late to introduce the author.”

I hope everyone at Greenlight Bookstore realizes that it wasn’t fear of Brooklyn that kept me away.

When Deborah and I made plans to meet the week before for drinks to discuss her new book, she suggested a Brooklyn bar.  Though I’ve surely been to that borough a dozen times in my 25 years in New York and will go back again when necessary, I held out for downtown Manhattan and managed to move her slightly up to the Village.  Still, I was running late; and she text-ed me, “I am the glasses and plaid shirt at the bar.”  She was, but also lovely, with long dark hair and smart/sexy eyes, like an Indy movie star, the visually perfect person to play the role of professor busting some myths about those stuffy Victorians.

The first question many of us who have seen Victorian porn must ask:  Why all the spanking and flagellation?

Deborah acknowledges the theory that corporal punishment in public school inculcated masochism in some young men, but she seems more inclined toward viewing the dominant men who went to brothels to be spanked or whipped as predecessors of the powerful bankers and lawyers and CEOs who pay doms for a milder version of the same punishments today:  They needed a break from being tightly in control; and they wanted to experience submission and “powerlessness” —exactly my conclusions when I researched Kink:  The Hidden Sex Lives of Americans over a decade ago.  In this and many other ways, you will discover in this delicious book that the Victorians and 21^st Century people have common sexual ground.

I was as pleased as a good student to hear that Deborah and I shared some of the same insights into her material.  Make no mistake, Pleasure Bound is the work of a learned author, an intellectual—but it is also a pleasurable, accessible reading experience even if the poets and painters are previously unknown to you.  I can think of no other book that combines this level of expertise with approachability.  Reading it is like eating French chocolates.  Maybe your previous chocolate experience was Godiva or M&Ms (which I also love), but you won’t need a translator to fall in love with La Maison du Chocolat.

Deborah’s publicist sent me a copy of Pleasure Bound toward the end of last year, one of the highlights of the holiday season.  I’d wanted a copy because one of my favorite historical characters, the explorer and author Sir Richard Burton, translator of Eastern sex books like The Perfumed Garden, was a character in her story.  A group of 19^th Century artists, writers and poets dedicated their lives to casting off religious fundamentalism, patriarchy and sexism.  To some extent, they succeeded, laying the groundwork for women’s rights, gay rights, and government programs to help the poor and influencing art and literature even today.  Burton, Dante Gabriel Rosetti, the sensual painter, Algernon Charles Swinburne, poet and frequent customer of flagellant brothels, socialist William Morris and the girl in the group Christina Rosetti, Dante’s sister, were among the members of two Bohemian groups, the Cannibal Club and the Aesthetes, challenging the world order through art, literature, intellectual discourse and outrageous behavior, including all manner of sex parties, often fueled by laudanum and opium.

 As she details in the book, they raised a lot of interesting questions, like:

 “To what extent does penetration (or the possibility thereof) determine social dominance, and what happens when the penetrator becomes the penetrated? How do gender roles hold up when the buttocks are eroticized instead of the genitals, and how does this demolition of the male-female binary influence women’s rights in society?”

She says, “To be frank, I’m not entirely sure.  The buttocks have no genitals.  Both men and women have the same equipment back there, so there is a sense of genderless-ness.”

 Now what does that tell us about the national obsession with anal intercourse?

In one of my favorite anecdotes in Pleasure Bound, Dante Rosetti and other Aesthetes dig up the grave of his wife, Lizzie Siddal, dead for seven years and before that, dying slowly for years.  She was his beautiful muse of sex and death.  He’d been so distraught when her life at last expired that he buried a manuscript of unpublished poems with her.  Seven years later, he was prying the lid off her putrid coffin.  Had his undying love died?  Was the loss of his art greater than that of his wife? 

Deborah explains that the Aesthetes saw art as eternal, life as temporal.  With afterlife an uncertainty, he had to rescue the poems, stained with decomposition, just as they all felt the need, even obligation, to celebrate the pleasures of the flesh while that flesh lived.

This philosophy reflected a growing skepticism among Victorian intellectuals about traditional Christianity and the notion of Heaven and Hell. With the afterlife an uncertainty, Rossetti and like-minded bohemians concentrated on the here and now, engaging in the pleasures of the flesh and elevating orgasm as spiritual fulfillment--as the spirtual sex believers do today.

But how did a nice girl from Boulder, Colorado, get involved with Victorian sex rebels?

“I was very influenced by a professor who specialized in Victoriana; and then I started collecting the porn.  I really wanted to paint a picture of what it was like to be a sexual radical in Victorian London,” says Lutz. “I wanted to bring the time period alive.”

And she does.  Don’t miss Pleasure Bound and give my love to Brooklyn.  Hit the Greenlight Bookstore link above and buy from them. 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime.