Auntie Sue's legs, Photo by Trent
So many women have responded to the Submissive Dreams post—with comments like “You nailed it!”, “Exactly!” and “I’ve done a few turns with men who prey on vulnerable women, criticize them where it hurts and then say, ‘What! I was trying to help; I didn’t mean to hurt you.’”
“What are you talking about?” followed by intimations that you must be crazy to accuse him of trying to undermine your confidence are the one-two punch of the critical man. If he owned his behavior, he’d have to lower the mask, drop the pose and acknowledge himself as the insecure bully he is. That won’t happen.
Great advice from a reader who thinks she knows the X, the pot-bellied power drunk, in question: “Call him on it and move on. He’ll be online looking for replacements before you are out the door.”
And now to the questions—
Q. “I’m dating a regular bloke, going on three months now. He is uncomfortable that I am a professional and he is a working man. Could that be why he doesn’t go down on me?” Samantha, Melbourne, Australia.
A. I doubt it. If he likes receiving oral sex but won’t reciprocate—he’s lazy or selfish; has some hang-ups about putting his mouth to the female vagina; or possibly is insecure about his skills. Ask him why.
Is cunnilingus important to you? This could be a deal-breaker. Find out now.
Q. “My ex-girlfriend told me in my exit interview that I have an ‘inadequate penis.’ It is a little smaller than average. Is that what she meant? I asked her if she had faked orgasms with me and she threw up her hands and said in exasperation, ‘What do you think?” Is my penis inadequate because it didn’t bring her to orgasm?” Tim, Macon, Georgia.
A. Your ex-girlfriend is a bitch.
You haven’t read my blog on a regular basis or you would know that her orgasm is not dependent on your penis size. If she’s been faking orgasm, maybe she has an inadequate clitoris. Apparently giving herself additional clitoral stimulation (or asking for your help or using a vibe) hasn’t brought her to orgasm. What? She’s not done any of these things? Don’t blame the clitoris or the penis; blame her lack of sexual sophistication and skill.
The good news about a slightly smaller penis: You can get more anal intercourse than the big guys.
Some tips for adapting intercourse positions:
- In the missionary position, put a pillow under her lower back or buttocks. Ask her to spread her legs in a V before entering her.
- In the rear entry positions, have her pull her knees up closer to her body before you enter.
Order a copy of Best Sex Ever for more tips.
Q. “My man and I have been living together for three years, sleeping in the same bed, but we have never had sex. I am embarrassed to tell my sisters or friends that we haven’t. He says we should wait for marriage, but we aren’t engaged. I’ve tried the tricks I find in Cosmo to lure him into sex, but nothing has worked. He is good to me and affectionate, loves my cooking and helps with rent and chores. What can I do?” Alice, Columbus, Ohio.
A. Alice, darling, you are better than a faithful canine companion. You cook—and I am guessing from the word “helps,” pay the majority of expenses and do more than half the work. No wonder he pats you on the head.
I’ll bet he’s gay and not ready to come out, for whatever reason. He may even marry you someday. Why not? You are willing to live without sex.
An alternate possibility: he has a married lover and needs you as cover.
Is this what you want? If not, have a talk, help him move out and face the world as a single woman.
Photo Credit: Best Sex Ever
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