"...Once Chilli had gotten herself buckled in, they were lifted up into the center of the Porndecahedron. Dave tapped a button his headrest and started watching. There were movies above them and below them and on all sides; and all the soundtracks merged and mingled and were confusingly present, although some people muted all but one of them or overlaid a music track.
"'So this is it, huh?' she said. 'She looks like she's enjoying it. Oh my goodness, that's a lot of sperm. Don't you find this all a bit overwhelming?'
"'Hell, I could probably handle 24 screens,' said Dave..."
from House of Holes, a book of raunch (Simon & Schuster) by Nicholson Baker.
Nicholson Baker, author of many novels, is perhaps best-known for Vox, the 1992 novel about phone sex, the hot sex practice of the day. The main characters meet on a phone sex party line. Monica Lewinsky--or so it was reported--gave President Clinton her copy of Vox, purchased at a Washington D. C. bookstore.
Baker has done it again with House of Holes. I'll bet Bill has a copy.
In the first sentences of the short first chapter, Shandee puts on her lipstick and heads to Geology 101. By the end of the chapter she is holding a man's severed arm. But don't feel badly for him. He willingly traded his limb for a bigger penis in a "crotch transfer." They are reversible.
This is the dirtiest, funniest, most original novel you will ever read. A gleeful literate raunch-fest, the book has been written off as porn by some critics and hailed as brilliant by others. Writing on Slate, Katie Roiphe says it is a "darker, stranger, funnier and more complicated book than the attention will imply." She's right.
Imagine going down the rabbit hole and instead of finding Alice and her cohorts, you are in the middle of the Heironymous Bosch painting "The Garden of Earthly Delights" come to life--and then some. This is a Wonderland for grown-ups where every sexual fantasy can be made true; and some fantasies are on the dark side. Who needs Alice?
Do you like porn? Baker proves that words can be as highly arousing as porn videos--in fact, even more so. Better yet, this is a literary novel. No need to feel guilty about reading it. And you can join the smart dialogue on what Baker is saying (or not) about the role of pornography in modern society and its impact on male and female sexuality.
"If you're going to write about sex, Baker says, "do it completely."
When Chilli takes off her shirt and expresses her intention to masturbate to a film of herself masturbating, you will agree with Dave who says,
"'Exactly and you'll enjoy it too. Don't miss the opportunity to get serious on your entire cunt. It wants your attention."
Whether you read House of Holes alone or out-loud together with your lover, I have the perfect tension-releasing vibrator for you: Natural Contours' le Duet. Candida Royalle, one of my heroes, is the creator of the Natural Contrours line, high-end sex toys, generally ahead of the competition in design. Once again that is true.
You know I am not a fan of We, the highly-touted couples vibe, because it is too thick to be used comfortably in intercourse with a man who has a large penis. Candida's le Duet is slender enough to work with any penis. You can also use it for solo play. This beautiful little yellow and black toy, both quiet and waterproof, stimulates the clitoris and the G-spot. It's my new fav vibe love.
Buy the book, buy the vibe--and enjoy your own little corner of Wonderland.
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