Does anyone else wonder why some European countries treat old male chauvinist pigs with such tolerance, even respect? Italy's randy 74 year-old Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi, refuses to resign though he is mired in sex scandals, including accusations of sex with underage girls. In fact, he brags about having eight women a night--and by "having" surely he means caressing a breast here, a thigh there, not actually performing eight times. Anthony Weiner tweeted his penis and has been replaced by a Republican. On the other hand, Dominque Strauss-Kahn acknowledges "moral error" in pawing a hotel maid in New York City--and seems to be forgiven. Will he be a presidential contender in the next French presidential election?
I am thankful that my male readers, from all over the world, are not like these social relics. The questions this week are all from men, I have often said that SexyPrime's male readers are the best--and they keep proving it.
And thanks to the men and women readers who have written asking what they can do to support me as I am dying. Some jazz musicians sent a car for me Saturday night, took me out to hear music, and lovingly tucked me back into the car at 2 a.m. Now I would love a makeover, hair and make-up, maybe a new outfit. Anyone in the makeover business?
On to the questions, all great--
Q. "My lady has never owned a vibrator--or, at least, that's her story and she's sticking to it. I want to gift her with a vibe. What do you suggest? She's a corker; and I want a toy that will rock her world, as you Americans would say it--or, leave her grinning like a shot fox, a bush expression for silly happy," Alan, Perth, Australia.
A. My favorite Aussie sex toy websites are Femplay and Sexyshop. For a vibe virgin, I recommend an external vibe, one of the high-end multi-speed clitoral vibrators. You can't go wrong with a Lelo spot vibe, available in America too. Does she have young children at home--or a roommate? Many women who don't live alone prefer quiet vibes that are also waterproof because they like to use them in the shower, their window of privacy.
Make your first purchase a powerful, but small and discrete vibrator. After that renders her silly happy, look at the couple's toys and the Rabbits, combining internal stimulation with those rabbit ears tickling her clitoris. My motto: Every woman needs a wardrobe of vibes; and should use one daily to reach orgasm, whether she is in a relationship or not.
My American readers know that they can find anything they want from Babeland. (See some of my recent picks in posts under the category Sex Toys.)
Q. "I've lusted after a woman I know casually since I met her a year ago. I finally got her into bed; and the sex was bad. How do I get her back for a re-do so I can prove my prowess to her?" Jake, L.A.
A. I've had this question before--from women and men. My first thought was: Why do you want a re-do if the sex was bad?
On further investigation, I discovered that the "bad" sex often involved two people who hooked up while drunk or drinking heavily. A glass of wine relaxes the inhibitions. A bottle of wine deadens the nerve endings--and assures that all your best moves will be sloppily executed. People who claim they had hot sex while drinking to excess are lying.
Sometimes sober lovers have an unsatisfying sexual encounter because one or both are too nervous to perform well--or anticipation leads him to premature ejaculation.
What went wrong in your case? After you've figured it out, invite the lady to an apology lunch or brunch. Chivalrously, take the responsibility for the erotic failure even if, as is most likely, the fault is hers too. Talk frankly about the sexual experience, but don't push for a re-do. Be affectionate and flirt with her. At the end of the safe mid-day date, ask her for a dinner date.
She may refuse even the lunch because the chemistry just isn't there for her. (Maybe not for you either. Are you spurred by desire or the need to prove your "prowess?") Let it go.
Q. "I have known I'm gay since I was a kid; and I'm 38 now. Recently I had a prolonged kissing session with a straight girl friend. I really enjoyed kissing and holding her, but I didn't want to go any further. I'm not one of those gay guys grossed out by female genitalia; I just don't want to go there. But the kissing was great. I keep thinking: I kissed a girl! What's wrong with me?" G, NYC.
A. "I Kissed A Girl," the song that made Katie Perry famous!
There's nothing wrong with you. I once had a close working relationship with a gay friend; and sometimes we made out, no expectations. Many straight women and gay men have had this experience, though they haven't been socially encouraged to share it. (No wonder you feel alone.) We celebrate bisexual women--but are suspicious of gay men who even want to kiss a girl. The phrase for women who kiss a boy, Fag Hag, is definitely pejorative.
That's beginning to change. Two recent studies contradict previous research that told us male bi-sexuality was a "stop on the way to Gaytown," in the popular vernacular. Apparently women aren't the only gender with fluid sexuality. An article in The New York Times, "No Surprise for Bisexual Men--Report Indicates They Exist," by David Tuller, details two recent studies and explains how research protocol affects results. It's an excellent piece--read it!
Again, there's nothing wrong with kissing girls as long as the girls don't have some crazy idea that they can "convert" you to full-on heterosexual behavior. The flip side of that is also true: there's nothing wrong with a straight man who likes kissing boys. (Please note: I am using "girls" and "boys" in the slang vernacular, as terms for adults, not children.)
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