SexyPrime, a blog by Susan Crain Bakos

SCIENCE GEEK GIRL TAKES A DAY OFF....

 
Photo Credit:  "Sexy Legs" by Mamaosa

 

I have business meetings today, so no new science report

BUT

If you missed tne New Neuroscience of Bliss, it's a good one--my recommended repeat today.

ASK AUNTIE SUE-- Reader Questions on Sticky Panties, Penis Love--& "How can a stuck couple get kinky?"

 
Auntie Sue's legs, photo by Trent 

 

 

You still have time to sign up for the online Orgasm Loop workshop through this Sunday.  I will do two workshops to accommodate all the interested women.  I won’t turn anyone away--even if I have to add a third.  If you want to be included, Email me at sexyprimequiver@gmail.com or attach a comment to this post. 

A note to the many readers who want to know how Sexy Beast is getting along in marital therapy now that his wife—and the therapist!—know about his secrets (or some of them…hard to believe he actually came altogether clean.)  No clue.  We haven’t spoken since ending it.  I do hope he and the wife are experiencing a sexual re-discovery and have learned the basic lesson of marriage therapy:  It takes two people to mess things up that badly.

Last week was a good one—with some gorgeous weather here and there, a nice book deal for Kimmie—We will spill details when contracts are signed—and more revelations for me.  I am working on the final revise of Dick-Matized, my erotic memoir of an intense affair with a very special cock; and suddenly, at this advanced age, I get it and not just about this one cock.   Only my dear friend (of more years than we will confess), best reader/editor and literary executor Carolyn has read the revisions.

This morning she wrote, “I made the mistake of getting into Dick-Matzied.  Wow, it is good.  I have to stop reading and write an artist’s profile…damn!”

If you are a writer, I wish you a Carolyn, though yours won’t be nearly as good as mine.

On to the questions—

 

Q. ”My boyfriend thinks it is sexy for both of us to go out commando, especially dancing.  While I do admit to getting extra turned on seeing his erection pushing against his trousers, I am less comfortable with what happens to me.  Instead of the usual ‘sticky panties,’ I have a sticky skirt.  Sometimes when I get up from the dinner table—where he has been playing with my feet and legs, stroking my arms and hands, looking deeply into my eyes—I have a wet spot.  I hear other women brag about going out without panties—and have yet to see signs of wet spots.  What can I do about this?”  Kara, 39, Boston.

A.  Kara, my dear, some women cannot travel commando without ending up sitting on a wet spot.  They are too juicy.  Trust me:  This is a problem many women would like to have.  (Your man sounds like a great lover.  Discreet public foreplay is hot.)  In ten to fifteen years, you will be one of the few women who doesn’t have some issues with vaginal dryness.  While they are trying to get wetter, you will be just fine. 

I couldn’t go out sans panties until I was post-menopausal; and even now, the right man, the right teasing foreplay—and I need to go to the loo and sop up the juices. 

One of my favorite true tales from the Midwest:  In my very young married days, a male friend re-married after a messy divorce.  Nobody knew whose side to be on so Bride #2, who brought her own messy divorce and kids to the new union, was greeted cordially, if not warmly.  One day at a baby shower for another woman, she confessed that her skirt was wet because she’d gone out without panties “to air” her “parts,”  taken her husband’s Mercedes in to be serviced, sat on the leather sofa in the waiting room reading a hot novel and found herself stuck to that sofa when the car was ready.

She was accepted into the club.

 

Q. “Are you unusually fond of the penis for a woman?  I have read your writing on the penis; and I do believe you are sincerely, uhm, appreciate of the male organ.  I love my husband, but his penis is just something that gets a job done.  I think it looks a little silly in repose.  Erect, it is useful, not an object of worship.  How can you say the sex would be better if I ‘worshipped’ his cock?”  Meredith, American ex-pat living in Mumbai.

A.  Meredith, you are living in Mumbai and apparently not aware of the ancient Hindu erotic traditions of lingam (penis) and yoni (vagina) worship!  You won’t have to travel far to find the remains of ancient erotic temple carvings that might inspire you.  Lingams and yonis in all sizes for puja altars are available in shops all over the city, especially in Crawford Market stalls.

Am I “unusually fond” and “appreciative” of the male organ?  Possibly.  But I have heard from many women who love the penis and incorporate cock worship into their erotic rituals.  (See the posts under "Love the Cock Week.")  The cock is a splendid organ, each different with its own personality and secret arousal places.

Let’s turn your question around and see how you would feel about it if he asked—

I love my wife but her vagina is just something that gets a job done.  I think it looks silly.  It’s useful, not an object of worship.  How would the sex be better if I worshipped her pussy?

Maybe he would say that because he feels the same way you do about the partner’s genitals.  Or maybe he treats your pussy like an object of worship. 

The sex would be a lot better if you each venerated one another’s most intimate parts, not regarded them as “something that gets the job done.”   Order a copy of The Sex Bible for Women, available in hardcover, paperback and ebook through Quiver Books.  In SBW you will find guidance on worship for both of you.

 

Q. “My wife and I have one of those marriages best exemplified by the passive/aggressive Sexy Beast and his domineering angry wife.  Yesterday a stranger at Starbucks said to us:  ‘I have had enough of you two!  You [to wife] stop your endless picking and you [to me] stand up and be a man!’  After the woman left, casting us a final disgusted look, the wife blurted out:  ‘Is this why the sex is so bad?’  We would like to try some of those kinky sex games with me being the dominant—but how does a couple as stuck in bad, boring sex as we are get their kink on?”   Paul, Connecticut.

A.  A little kink can do wonders for bland, boring sex.   Exploring your dominant side and letting her play submissive for a change could have positive effects on your relationship. Role-playing allows us to get out of our behavioral ruts.   But start out nice and slow and easy.  You want kink for vanilla people, not a BDSM encounter with whips and chains.

Does spanking appeal to her?  See “How To Spank Your Lover.”

Nipple clamps?  See “A Little Pain Please.”

Light bondage?  Go to Babeland and check out the cuffs and other restraints.

Gentle flogging?  I love Babeland’s Pink Medium Rubber Whip.

How about something really special?  The Door Jam Sex Sling.

 
Only $65--and fits over any solidly installed door.  Perfect for home or travel.  Suspend your partner for easy access to all her hot spots. 

I want one.

A general guideline:  We fantasize it harder than we actually want it.  A little erotic pain is thrilling.  Too much, not.

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

HEIDI MOUNT'S MODEL MARRIAGE, Part Two: Her Husband and Her BFF--Rape or Seduction?

 
Photo Credit:  "Sexy Lips Flirting" by Freddie Avila

 

If you haven't read Part One--it's hot, it's kinky--go there now.

After Shawn had sex in London with one of Heidi's friends—who waited two days, then reported consensual sex as rape—the marriage finally disintegrated.  Following the one-night stand, between her husband and best friend, Heidi made untrue accusations of abuse, filed a false police report claiming he was coming after her with a knife when he was actually home alone with their child and she home in her own apartment with a girlfriend. 

A detective investigating that complaint took him aside and said, “I’ve seen this before.  She is setting you up for divorce proceedings.  Get a lawyer and protect yourself.”

She did file for divorce.  He did seek counsel.  As they fight for custody of Liam, he tells me his story, set against the backdrop of a “glamour” industry he compares to child sex trafficking.  Like powerful men have always done to stay-at-home wives, she cut off his credit cards and moved the marital assets into accounts in her name only. 

On the one hand, their life together is dramatically atypical, not like other young couples’ lives.

On the other hand, they are part of a trend.  Thirty-three percent of wives earn more than their husbands.  The power dynamic has shifted in American marriages.  The Mounts illustrate just how much it has as, for example, she hides assets and he inadvertently learns just how much money his wife is making.

Shawn Mount’s story will stop readers short and make them question their beliefs and assumptions.  As the playing field has leveled for women in the workforce—it has not changed much for men who take over childcare and domestic life.  A stay-at-home wife is considered a caring mother whose contributions to the family should be valued in divorce.

Her male counterpart is chided for getting “a free ride” and derided if he requests custody and spousal support.

In his own words, Shawn Mount on sleeping with her best friend--

Heidi considered her part of our family.

But when we were alone, The Temptress described giving blow jobs to her Boyfriend; and she knew Heidi never gave me BJs, or if she did, they were bad.

"OMG i was like totally gagging on his cock, I wonder if there is a way to get it in my throat without puking? Hahaha.  I’ve been trying to make sure i swallow instead of spit. Guys like that right?

"Heidi says you love anal, I want to get into it, can you teach me, uh, I mean tell me how to do it, like not literally teach me, i just want you to describe it in detail so i can go practice at home..."

I began to think the relationship was inappropriate; and I told Heidi that.  She didn’t listen.  In general, she no longer listened to me, especially about anything of a serious nature. I was valued as nothing more than a hot ethnic gut with tan skin, good for nothing but a hard cock and sperm donations.

All this build-up led to an encounter where The Temptress made a pass at me in Berlin and finally a sexual episode in London.

I was working; she was modeling.  She begged me to do her hair and then go out with her—and finally back to her hotel and spend a platonic night with her.

She left the bathroom door open so I could see her in the shower.  After, she put on a sheer top, no panties and laid down beside me.  Resting my head on her ass, I rubbed her feet.  Holy crap, I totally crossed the line.

She rolled over, underneath me. Legs spread, she pulled up her shirt.

“What do you want, Shawn?” she asked.  “Do you want to have sex?”

Yes

Sure

Yes

She tilted her hips, spread her legs, totally into it.  Lifting jer pelvis off bed, she fucked me back—hard…..

But as soon as it was over--

Guilt! 

Was that woman physically attracted to me or not?  Was she using me to get even with my wife?  Or did she find my fatherhood traits so attractive, she wanted to have me?

I text-ed my therapist.  I called my wife and said, “I want to come home.”

I should have had more foresight about Jessica.  I should have asked:  Why does she want this?  What are her ulterior motives?  When I get complacent in regards to critical and analytical thinking, I pay for it. I knew better than to let down my guard. Why did I?   The Temptress portrayed herself as the woman I needed my wife to be. I was seduced.

Two days after our one-night stand, the British cops asked me to come down to the station to talk about something important.  When I got there, I learned that the inquiring cops were with Sapphire unit, a sex crimes division.  She claimed I raped her at the hotel.  I was nauseous and reeling from shock.  In a 90 minute interview, I told them about the night of consensual sex.

I wasn’t charged. They said I was free to travel, to return to the States. 

The Temptress’ boyfriend didn’t believe her rape story and dumped her.  Then he called Heidi; and that’s how my wife found out I’d cheated on her.  The British papers were reporting the allegation (but not the accuser’s name) and my arrest anyway. 

“Did you fuck her?” she demanded.

“Yes.”

Crying hysterically, she scooped up Liam, flew to Utah and then to Europe.  After she left, I was afraid to be with a woman alone.

Perez Hilton craftily identified The Temptress on his website, but not officially.  He wrote, “Many believe it is X…”

How could he possibly know the woman’s identity when he was thousands of miles away from the situation?  Coco Perez is nothing more than silly entertainment and tabloid—which I secretly read every time I open my computer.

Heidi’s lawyer issued a statement on her behalf:  “We are still together; nothing about this false accusations has changed our relationship.” 

True.  My wife and I had been contemplating divorce for two years.  Nothing had changed.

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

THE PERFECT HOSTESS GIFT (&At These Prices, One For You Too)--Babeland's Flash Sale

 
Photo Credit:  "Sexy Weekend" by Bohem

 

The good house guest keeps the TV or music low in her bedroom after the hosts have gone to bed--and she doesn't flip on her Hitachi Magic Wand either.  I love my power vibes but they are not quiet and unobtrusive.  When you are a guest elsewhere, or for that matter have guests of your own, seek more quiet pleasures--

But with the new generation of smart clit vibes, quiet doesn't mean "tame."  You don't have to give up power to be discreet.  And they are controlled by intelligent microprocessors, meaning the controls are "intuitive", influenced and even programmed by your body responses.

Siri, made by Lelo, is a beautiful pink and white vibe with a beveled shape that perfectly cozies up to your clit on all sides, from any direction.  With six pulsation and speed options, intuitive controls and almost silent operation, Siri is a high quality designer vibe, something we've come to expect from Lelo--but incorporating their most powerful motor.  Moving elegantly from flutter to OMIGOD!, it's their best to date.

 
Cup it in the palm of your hand, press it against your clitoris--and make love to yourself.  I also love running Siri over my labia lips and inner thighs....delicious. 

Your beleagured hostess, who has received more than her share of jams with cutesy labels, napkins and scented candles and bottles of wine beloved by someone, not necessarily her--she will be grateful (even if she demurs and blushes) for a gift that acknowledges her sensuality and carnal nature.

Best of all, the Siri vibrator is 40% off at Babeland now.  Buy two.  Life is short, Babe.  Make pleasure last as long as you can.  And check out the other amazing sex toys on sale.

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

A WEEKEND QUICKIE WITH CLOTHES ON--Revisiting a Sex Wardrobe Basic

 
Photo Credit:  "Lady View" by Linda Terry on Photobucket

 

You are likely to have the time for leisurely lovemaking on Saturday or Sunday. But Friday?  End of work week, custody shift changes, dates, family and friend social events--and more.  Friday Night is Quickie night.

The Sex Wardrobe Basics are wildly popular on SexyPrime.  Re-visit The Tight Dress Quickie tonight.  Don't hesitate to add a vibrator to the quickie experience.  And, as always let me know how you tweaked the position if you do.

Lucky enough to have a man in your bed on Saturday morning?  You'll wake up ravenous, ready to go again.  There's nothing like a successful quickie to spark the desire for MORE....

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

HEIDI MOUNT'S MODEL MARRIAGE: Kinky Sex, Drugs, Alcohol, Lies, Betrayal--& Drugged Out, Drunk Underage Girls Pimped to Modelizers

 
Photo Credit:  "Erotic Apple Art" by Snake on Photobucket

 

When fashion hairdresser Shawn Mount said he wanted to write a book about his disintegrating marriage to model wife Heidi--three years the face of Chanel--I expected the usual story, hungry girl, beautiful clothes, uncaring industry, husband left in the wake of her success.  But hunger is the least of it, almost a benevolent condition, in the picture Shawn paints of the modeling industry today.

"Why do you think there is this explosion of ethnic, Eastern European, Third World girls on runways?" he asks.  "The blonde, blue-eyed American beauty model like Heidi is an endangered species because Heartland American parents don't want their underage girls handed cocaine and champagne and hustled out on the town with men who pay for the privilege of being around models, including having sex with them.

"The girls are pimped out by the industry.  It's ugly."

His marriage to the American beauty rose hasn't exactly been pretty.  Today and next week, I will post excerpts.  The proposal is done.  All we need is an agent and a publisher willing to take on the modeling industry--and A MODEL HUSBAND will be next fall's blockbuster title.

Today's excerpt:  WHO IS HEIDI MOUNT?

If you don’t know her name, you do know her face.  You’ve seen it in ads for Chanel, DKNY, Alexander McQueen, Anne Klein, Givenchy, Rochas perfumes and more.  She was theface of Chanel for three seasons.  Stephen Klein shot her in Dolce Gabanna.  Growing up in a family of modest means, she is known as one of the few American girls who can do cool, edgy runway as if she were born to strut in expensive clothes.  With success, the gifts and designer freebies and party invitations came pouring in.

By the time she was 19 and famous, Heidi moved into kinkier sex, more drugs, more alcohol.

Alexander McQueen gave her dresses and said, “Do you think your husband will fuck you in this?  I want his semen stains on the dress when you send it back to me.”

Sometimes she did lines while having sex with her husband, sometimes she did them off his penis.  She wanted rough sex with him—and then she wanted it rougher.  He strove to find safe ways of acting out her fantasies safely, but often they just went after each other, switching the dom and sub roles.

Heidi had a one-year lesbian affair; and sometimes he would be included in threesomes.  He was jealous of the intimate time she shared with her lover.  She began inviting other female friends to join her and Shawn.  He suspected she had other flings on the side, including with a man she text-ed over 200 times in one evening.  She was drinking too much, doing more drugs.  Sometimes she cut herself.  He sought treatment for depression.

Now in his own words--

People glimpse her at a party or in photographs snapped while dashing in or out of the festivities.  They pour over her face and body in ad campaigns. 

“What’s it like to be married to that?”  they ask.

That takes four hours and a team of professionals to create. 

I was married to the woman people don’t know about.  She doesn’t like to shower on a day off—or brush her teeth.  Her feet stink.  She picks her pimples.  Without the dazzling make-up and hair, you wouldn’t recognize her.

But I loved her……

She has every food allergy possible and an incredibly sensitive digestive system that is easily upset. She routinely locks herself in the bathroom holed up with a bottle of Febreeze. She has a night drooling problem, she's also so sweaty at night and ruined my Calvin Klein sheets; and she won’t exfoliate!  Her excuse was always, "In Paris I only shower like twice a week and that’s a lot there!" Thank you God we had incredible chemistry and her "smelliness" never really bothered me. I was constantly shaking toothbrushes and loofas in the air and giving short speeches about personal hygiene.  Oh and don't even get me started about our debates over dental flossing, Jesus Fucking Christ... at least she shaved her pussy and armpits...  

 

The drugs really came into play during this time.

 

The kinky sex began. 

I found her self- mutilation kit, which was very upsetting.  I knew what she was feeling, how trading one pain for another can release something inside you.  As a fighter, I understood and empathized with her.  Her body had been the subject of so much abuse, molested as a child, raped as a teen, told by agents and stylists and others that her body was “too fat.”

It was difficult.  I thought about breaking up with her.  I even tried to leave her at “Curry in a Hurry” on Murray Hill, but I didn’t have the heart to do it.  Or, I told myself, maybe it was fine to have a casual girlfriend like this…

Ha!  We were anything but casual.

Something sparked me; and I realized that we could go into the darkest part of our fetishes together.  When she really opened up and told me her deepest fantasies, I couldn’t even do some of them.

One day, she was ripping the skin off my back with her nails.  I got a huge adrenalin rush.  I thought, ‘She actually wants to go there.’

I picked her up off couch, turned around, threw her into center of floor, walked to the floor lamp, ripped off the cord, hog-tied her with the cord.  She was sweating and pumped.  I ripped a black t shirt and blind-folded her.  She couldn’t move, tied with hands behind her back, legs spread open. I went into the bathroom and poured  rubbing alcohol over my back.  Standing in a pink pool of blood and isypropl alcohol, I gazed into the nothingness, I inhaled and exhaled simultaneously, engaging my core, physically and mentally preparing myself, I was centered. Shocked. No longer human and not unlike an animal. No thought- no mind, di-associative and reactionary driven by instinct alone.

I grabbed a wand dildo and a vibrator and relentlessly I gave it to every hole in her body.  I can't publish the graphic nature of what ensued that afternoon but, it was like an extreme bella donna trance or Sasha Grey scene.  My cock was in her mouth, then fucking her ass, now the dildo in her ass, the vibrator in her pussy, my cock back in her mouth….

That experience sparked a whole new level of intensity in our relationship.  She released all her sexual fantasies on me.  Intense stuff.  I kept thinking, I don’t know if I can do this or if there is a safe way of carrying it out..

I was quite literally using sex in lieu of psychotherapy working things out in the bedroom or the living room and the couch in this case. Talk about a fucking "couch trip!" I always would laugh when guests sat on our couches, lol... Heidi was diligent with one household task one at least, spot cleaning out cum off the sofa.

That event lite the fuse to a whole new thing, really releasing all her sexual fantasies on me.  Intense stuff.  I don’t know if I can do this or if there is a safe way of carrying it out.

But she said to me after the hog tie, “I guess I don’t have to have two guys; you filled every hole.”  So I knew I could satisfy her………….

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

IT'S KIMMIE WEDNESDAY!--"Dirty Little Secret", Part Twenty-Nine

Omigod, the image of a thumb inside an asshhole was never this hot.......

without delay, and with great pride and pleasure, I give you SexyPrime's own Kimmie:

 

Dirty Little Secret, part twenty-nine

He started making circles with the length of his thumb as he pushed in and out of her. She groaned, feeling stretched in new places. It was an intense blend of pleasure and awkwardness - and something on the edge of being pain, the way muscles feel when they haven't been used and are suddenly pushed to the limit.

Just as she was starting to think that maybe this was too much, the thrusting stopped. She felt something cool run down her crack. Perhaps not cool, but cooler than her body temperature right now. She was confused for a moment, but then his thumb slid more easily back into her.

Lube. He'd just lubed her ass.

She didn't think her cheeks could get any hotter, but they did. She felt like she was in a porno or something. She could hear wet sounds back there now, the squishing and slapping of slippery body parts coming together. She imagined that her entire ass was shiny and wet and he was sliding in and out of her like a well-greased machine. If her body even wanted to give any resistance, it couldn't. She was slippery and open now.

And really, did she want to resist? She took another deep breath and let it out slowly, forcing herself to relax again. She could hear a tiny part of her brain protesting that she wasn't that kind of girl, that she wasn't into anal sex. She didn't even want to say the words in her head - anal sex. Wait, was this anal sex? It was just a finger. Well, a thumb. But still - that wasn't sex, right? It was just... play.

She took another deep breath. Whatever it was. she liked it. As horribly embarrassing as the lube was, she had to admit that it had ended any hint of pain. Now his circling thumb made her feel thick and full. She snaked one arm under her, maneuvering around and through the pillows so she could reach her clit.

Oh god, this isn't going to take long, she thought. His cock filling her pussy, his thumb filling her ass and her own fingers on her clit were almost too much. With everything else he'd done to her today, she was already on the edge.

She felt him stop moving. What was this? Slowly, he pulled his thumb out. No, no, no, she thought. Put that back. She couldn't make herself say it, but she wanted that thumb to stay where it was. She had finally accepted it and now he was taking it away? She shook her head on the floor.

Then he pulled his cock out as well. That was too much, "No! Please," she said. "Put it back." Her fingers on her clit were nowhere near enough now. She had been so full and now she was so empty.

"Shush." She felt the cool drizzle again. "I told you we're doing this one my way." His belly slid up her back a little further as he checked the pillows under her. She heard more wet squishy sounds and then his weight was against her again. Thank goodness, he was going to keep fucking her.

But when she felt his cock in his fist, it wasn't pushing into her pussy this time. It was pushing against her ass.

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

SEX CAN BE RISKY FOR MEN, TOO & NO, YOUR TAX $$ DID NOT GO TO MEASURING GAY MEN'S PENISES--It's Science Tuesday and I've Got The Facts

 
Image Credit:  "Science Geek Girl" on Photobucket

 

Sexually Transmitted Disease/Infections generally take a harsher toll on women than men.  Reasons include—

• Women tend to be more often asymptomatic than men, giving infection more time to take hold;
• Male-to-female transmission is easier for most STDs than female-to-male;
• Undiagnosed and untreated STDs can lead to PID, pelvic inflammatory infection, and cause scarring of the Fallopian tubes, even infertility.
• Women in their late teens and possibly early twenties have immature cervixes, more likely to be scratched in sexual activity—leaving the door open for disease transmission.
• Post-menopausal women may suffer scratches in the vaginal wall during sexual activity—if they don’t keep their vaginas in shape with regular Kegels and use lubricants.

But two new sex science reports focus on escalating STD risks to men.

In a report published in The New England Journal of Medicine, researchers say that rising rates of oral cancer—especially among white, upper-middle class, college-educated non-smoking men—are caused by HPV, human papillomavirus, which also causes cervical cancer in women.  Exposed to HPV while performing cunnilingus, men are more likely to contract the virus orally than women are in performing fellatio.

Obviously, we should be giving the HPV vaccine to boys as well as girls. 

In an interview with AOL News, Dr. Jennifer Grandis, researcher and expert on head and neck cancers said, “The idea that we only protect our daughters with the vaccine is nuts, particularly because they are having sex with our boys.”

Read the Salon piece quoting AOL News (because Dr. Grandis is interesting) and follow the link to the NEJM report.

Another study, wildly mis-interpreted and mis-reported by the conservative media, conducted by Hunter College’s Center for HIV/AIDS Educational Studies and Training, found a link between gay men’s self-reported penis size and genital infections passed by skin-to-skin contact, like warts and herpes.  The conclusion researchers drew is that men with larger penises may not be wearing the right size condoms.  The message:  Be sure your condom fits.

The Conservative media got it as wrong as possible as they often do in reporting sex science stories.  They said that government money had been wasted measuring gay men’s penises.  Could these people be any more terrified of human sexuality?

The lesson of the day for everyone:  Get tested, get tested, get tested—and ask to see your new partner’s test results.  Be sure your condoms fit. 

My little bit of sex science news—

Liz Langley, noted sex journalist and author, is testing The Orgasm Loop.  Here is her mini-review for My Pleasure.  I had a Eureka! moment when she described using O Loop as "whole body arousal."  Yes, it is--but I had never put it into those words.  Thanks, Liz.

Check out her blog:  Mind, Body, Spirit.

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

 

 

ASK AUNTIE SUE: Reader Questions on Eels & Sexual Compatibility, His Slow-Gasm &--"When is it appropriate to give a sex toy?"

 
 Auntie Sue's legs, photo by Trent

 

Auntie Sue is a bit late going up today.  Busy!  Among other things, I was a guest on Doctor Radio (Sirrius/XM) Sexual Health Mondays with Dr. Miriam Greene, discussing The Orgasm Loop and the online workshop.  (Sexual Health Mondays airs at 12 pm ET.  Rebroadcasts Mondays 10 pm, Fridays 6 pm, Saturdays 12 am & 10 pm ET.  I was the second guest, coming on after the half hour.  You still have time to catch a re-broadcast.)

If you haven’t signed up for that—see The Orgasm Manifesto and do so this week.  I am developing the questionnaires now; and the first thing I will ask is your sexual/orgasmic history.  Get started on that now.  I can’t wait to hear from you.  (Identities are confidential; you can choose your own O Loop pseudonym.)

And now to the questions.  (FYI, if she hadn’t sent photos and an “eel death video”, I would have written this first one off as a prank.)

 

Q. “It was all roses and champers [champagne] and mad crazy shagging for the first year.  We moved in together.  He signed up for a cooking class and made his own sushi and ate it off my body—which didn’t turn me on.  Then he discovered eels.  He bought one live in Chinatown, brought it home swimming in a bucket of nasty water, killed it by whacking its head on the counter—and made a dish I couldn’t even look at.  After that, our sex life disintegrated.  I think we are sexually incompatible and I don’t know how to get out of the lease.  Is it possible to get the sex back—or do any of those lawyers writing to you have experience with British law?”  Anna, London.

A.  Two significant events coincided: 

1.  You had been riding the peak of your Desire Curves and were suddenly coming down from the NREU high (New Relationship Euphoria) back to your Desire Set Points when—

2.  He discovered one of the least romantic and most un-appetizing dishes to prepare:  eel.

Tell him:  You don’t eat sushi off my body and you never bring a live eel into our home again—not if you hope to have sex more than once a month, on a good month.

Yes, you can play with the Desire Curve and create waves of renewed desire.  Read the full explanation of Nan Wise’s Desire Curve—the most useful little piece of neuroscience you’ll ever read—in The Sex Bible for Women—where you will find many sex techniques and tips (as you can on SexyPrime.)  Buy a pair of red heels and give him The Red Heels Kiss and The Red Heels Quickie.

So much more fun than banging eels.  And how about a pastry class for him?

 

Q. “My husband is on medication for bi-polar disorder and depression.  The drugs inhibit his sexual response—to the point where he can’t ejaculate without a sustained period of hard friction, more than my body can take.  He brings me to orgasm orally and during intercourse with some manual help.  When I am tired, he masturbates himself to orgasm, thrusting so hard I wonder that his penis can handle the punishment.  Is there something else he can do?  I am starting to avoid sex because it’s hard to watch,” Sienna, 42, an American ex-pat living in Japan.

A.  First, he needs to talk to his doctor and describe what he goes through to reach orgasm/ejaculation.  If the doc isn’t sensitive to sexual issues, find one who is.  It’s possible that a different combination of meds, or different timing of the taking of them, could help him considerably.

Second, order him a penis sleeve from Babeland. 

I'm going against conventional wisdom:  Don't order the toy that puts the most pressure on the shaft.  Buy him a high-end designer model, the racecar-shaped Cobra Libre, that focuses on the head and top of his penis.  He can still control his shaft with his hands--BUT he may not need to use as much force with so much going on up top.

 
Revolutionary in men's sex toys, Cobra Libre (a Fun Factory toy) is waterproof and rechargable.  Dips and ridges on the inside of the sleeve stimulate the head of the penis, while two independently vibrating motors provide a variety of pulsation and massaging sensations. 

An alternative to a sleeve:  The Big Daddy Pump

 

Designed to puff up the penis (temporarily), Big Daddy causes the tissues to be more sensitive. This increased sensitivity could make it easier for your man to reach orgasm/ejaculation.

Third, Can you work out the logistics of being part of his masturbation—maybe by holding his upper body or simply keeping your hand on his chest or thigh or buttocks?  By talking dirty to him or reading from x-rated erotica?

 

Q. “I enjoy using sex toys on or with my partners.  Vibrators are the coolest gadgets on the planet!  Sometimes I am more educated about vibes than the women are.  Recently I gave a babe I’ve been seeing for a few months an elegant JimmyJane Form 6  for her birthday.

“She said, ‘Do I know you well enough for this gift?’  I was taken aback.  When is giving a vibe the appropriate thing to do?”  Sean, Washington D.C.

A.  If you are intimate with a woman, giving her a vibe is “appropriate.”  That doesn’t necessarily mean she will like your choice--but she shouldn't complain about the propriety of the gift. 

You gifted her with a top-of-the-line vibrator that has, like other JimmyJane products, won design awards.  It's a little work of art--and devilishly fun to use.  Have her scroll through the vibrators available on the Babeland site and tell you which ones she likes. 

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime 

IT'S HOT--You Need Waterproof Toys!

 
CLIMAX POPS!

I love these little toys--splashproof mini-vibrators encased in ridged silicone sleeves.  They give you a lot of bang for the tiny size and tiny price, special at $9.99.  I say, Buy one in each of the Babeland colors, hot pink, orange and blue.  You will love the feel of those little ridges gliding around your clit.

That is but one of the many waterproof vibes and other toys on the Babeland site.  If you don't have a pool, turn your bathtub into an oasis of cool--a few candles, a glass of white wine, some flower petals strewn on the water--and a new vibe or two.

Go to Babeland and search for "waterproof vibrators."  You are in for a treat!--

And speaking of special experiences, I've put off sharing The Beastly Man's confession until I can do some background research on the sex rehab program he spent time in. No authority except those selling sex addiction programs really believes in sex addiction.  It is not a recognized diagnosis.  But every man with financial means who gets into sex trouble seems to end up in a program.

On the other hand, something has gone wrong when a man has multiple Fake Name Facebook accounts and spends more time online than he does interacting with the real woman/women in his life. 

is that NoSex addiction?

 

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime