First, I have a new photo, one that bravely exposes my face. It’s been five years since my last stalker, three since the last death threat; and I am hopefully optimistic that it’s safe to show my face—but note, the eyes are shaded and in the background. Actually my eyes are my best, most startling feature. Kyria, my excellent photographer voted for the big eyes shots. I’m not quite ready for that, yet.
Do check out my interview with Mrs. D (Vicky Day) on her UK website Fashionable Maven, accompanied by Kyria's photo of me. She asked me about fashion and make-up in addition to career. I love it!
Next, I’m doing something a little different with the email today—short answers to the most-asked questions of the last several weeks.
1. “Why do you put so much emphasis on women’s orgasms? Can’t you acknowledge that some women like sex whether they orgasm or not?”
A. I’ve been writing about sex for 25 years—and I’ve heard from thousands—and more thousands!—of women asking how to have an orgasm, or several, or have an orgasm during intercourse or achieve bigger and better orgasms. Occasionally a woman, often angry, asserts that women don’t need orgasms to enjoy sex--a viewpoint more often expressed in women's magazine essays or feminist websites than in actual reader mail to sexperts. It may be true of women who also can reach orgasm most of the time. So maybe they don’t always need to get there.
If a woman has difficulty with orgasm, however, she is unhappy and likely so is her man, unless he is really fooled by all that faking. Orgasm becomes her big goal and unreached, her hidden reason for turning off to sex. I created The Orgasm Loop so that all women can reach orgasm every time, any time. That is freeing. Denying the importance of orgasm is not.
2. “Why do you admire French women so much?”
A. French women are widely admired for their fashion style and confident sexuality; and I am but one of their many admirers. When I was a teen-ager, I practiced tying big silk squares after the fashion of French women—though, of course, I didn’t wear them to school because my mother dressed me in typical WASP style, little skirts, blouses, sweaters and matching knee socks. My sisters were grown when I was born; and I emulated Ellen’s style, very French and glamorous. Like my mother, she never left the house without make-up and wouldn’t be caught in sweats and tennies outside her garden.
Jamie Cat Callen, my favorite author on all things French, wrote this today:
"Bonjour, Susan-- I love your take on French seduction and joie de vivre! You are so wise. Please let your readers know that if they have a blog and would like to write about Bonjour, Happiness! I will be thrilled to send them a gift copy. Merci and xoxoox Jamie"
She's working on her next book on French women and beauty and tomorrow, her report on how they handle aging plus Carolyn's commentary from Monaco, preparing for its own royal wedding.
3. “Was there any fall-out to naming Fred Ebel, the New York-based risk management exec, as the Beastly Man who grabbed and harassed you at a public business meeting?”
No, because I have the cell phone videos shot by two witnesses; and he knows that legally he can’t go after me as long as I am only reporting the truth about him. He richly deserves the shaming.
4. “What is happening with you and the Sexy Beast? Are you having another rendezvous and turning your hot, kinky email/phone sex fantasies into reality? Will you ever name him?”
A. July 30 Update: I outed him and put him back in again. I am done with The Sexy Beast. See the two Weiner Syndome pieces.
5. “Where is M? Are you two fighting?”
A. Readers miss M’s input. (See his posts under the category M, the AssMaster.) M and I had a little skirmish over Weiner and he chided me for “the love letter to the French posing as a blog”—but, no, we are not fighting. He’s busy with a writing project, but you will hear from him again soon.
6. “How does your cousin BR feel about your writing on your long-standing affair? Is it incest?”
A. BR is a bit of an exhibitionist who requested that I write about him. No, it is not incest. We are second cousins, twice removed. I wouldn’t call it an “affair” either. We both love shocking people by saying, “I sleep with my cousin.” It’s cousin sex a.k.a. we are “kissing cousins.” Yeah, it's a Southern family.
7. “Why don’t other men sound like Dan Taylor? You have me hooked on his voice which only he seems to possess.”
A. Not even other Deejays sound like D.T., the host of wcbsfm 101.1’s Morning Show. He is in a class unto himself. I was aroused by his voice, the first time I heard it—and quickly developed a crush, my very first crush, on him. Men have been crushing on me since I was three years old when the four year old boy next door turned cartwheels and summersaults in our front yard to get my attention. I don’t crush. So this was perplexing.
Inspired by D.T., I wrote about the science of aural arousal. But I have come to realize that I—and you, Babes—are responding to more than voice. We love the warmth and wit, the intelligence and the playfulness, the sexiness—and more—projected by that expressive voice. Honestly, has anyone else ever done what he does as well as he does it? Did you know he also flies vintage airplanes? The man intrigues me.
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