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April 08, 2011


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Something to ponder. I will share with my fans and see if we can get any of them to share. A free copy of one of your books or Sonia's book is a great treat for sure, Susan.

Have a great weekend,



I work with a woman who is happily married to a man she says she has great sex with. We don't go into intimate details, but it sounds like they have a very open, adventurous sex life.

One thing we both have in common is that our husbands are sweet lovers, good lovers, attentive lovers, but also men who are unwilling to take a walk on S&M road. They're not into spanking, even. We both laughed ruefully at wanting to be thrown up against a wall from time to time. But it won't happen, at least not with our husbands.

One could argue that that's a form of settling, I suppose. However, we choose to concentrate on all the things we DO get from our men, rather than the one thing we won't, and the overall result is still way in the positive. I ask myself - in the big picture, is this something that would/could cause me to be unhappy in my relationship? And the answer is no.

Hardin Reddy

Don't all lovers "settle" in some sense? How can we expect any one person to fulfill every desire and fantasy we might have--especially when those morph with the passage of days or weeks?

So we go through the calculus--she gives me great sex but won't do anal, he has a fantastic cock but won't eat me--and decide whether what's missing is non-negotiable. And if it is, but we accept the other person anyway, knowing the seeds of future discord have been planted, we have settled.


I think that there are as many definitions of "settling," when it comes to relationships, as there are differences in those relationships to be resolved. I think that that's what it means, relationship-wise . . . a negotiated settlement, over time, between the life you want or envisioned for yourself, and the life you end up with, or need to lead, for one or a dozen reasons.

We each have to come to these levels of comfort ourselves, and justify to ourselves why we've "settled" for the life we have. Or, feeling "unsettled," we try to make changes, with varying degrees of success.

There are no formulas, few right or wrong answers, and fewer certainties, but we do the best we can to feel happy, desired, and loved, and move on.


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