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I'm not sure that I can have sex with a man who knows me too well--unless, of course, I am related to him. (See "Sleeping with my cousin.")
The Sexy Beast has some kind of hold over me, but what is it? Since he sent me that first photo of himself, sitting bare-chested in a chair, I have fantasized crawling into his lap and turning that magnificent chest hair into little damp curls with my tongue--and then going further down his body and discovering his proud hard cock and claiming it as no woman ever has. I still fantasize that. (If you have missed our erotic fantasies, check out the category to the right: The Diary of an Affair.)
We've grown close, like long distance friends, through phone calls and emails, sharing the details of our messy lives. I've never been so gut honest with anyone who isn't called "Doctor" and charging me by the hour. We have cancelled another meeting. He says circumstances are keeping us apart.
I fear he knows me too well and I would feel too naked, too vulnerable in his arms.
"We need to put the fantasy aside," I wrote him. "We should acknowledge it's never going to happen."
"If I say I don't want it to end, would you be okay with that?
"My desire is that it is not over. Perhaps the fantasy is, but the connection is not.
"Both of our current personal circumstances are preventing us the opportunity to connect in person.
The red hot passion has subsided, but we both hold the desire to meet at some point and see what happens.
"I'm not ready to release you."
Yes, I have intimacy issues. Can someone please explain to me how you make love to a man who knows the most embarrassing details of your life?
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