Generally, I can spot a phony letter first sentence or two into it. Back in the 90s, I wrote for the Penthouse magazines. As Carolyn Steele, “Dear Superlady of Sex,” I got a lot of mail, some of it the fevered fantasies of lonely minds. (No, those letters to Penthouse Forum were not created in-house; the readers were the creative writers.) Then I worked with Dr. Ruth, more mail. Last week, however, I got a letter from a young woman that has given me pause.
I forwarded to Kimmie and asked, “What think? Real or fake?” She wasn’t entirely sure either, but the accompanying photos of “petite Asian female” and her “very big [darker-skinned] man” led us to the educated guess: Probably not real. Men sometimes send unsolicited photos of their erections; women do not send photos (without asking permission) of themselves impaled on large cocks. I’m leading with her letter, partly for the entertainment value and mostly because the basic question is one that other readers have asked. Darling, if you are real, I apologize for doubting you.
Q. “My husband and I have been married for 3 years and it has been absolutely fantastic. He was more sexually experienced than I. But we’re both very liberal about sex and enjoy group sex. There is one nagging problem. I am petite and he is a large man and very well-endowed, about 9.5 inches in length and 7 inches in circumference. It was a very slow process but I am able to take in about ¾ of him now and it feels fantastic. Also it takes him a long time to reach orgasm; and I get sore. But the women in threesomes take all of him and squeal in delight. Sometimes I feel like I am not pulling my weight.
“I want to do what they do. Have you any suggestions?” B. B., 26.
A. Yes, I see by the photographs that you just can’t pull that big guy all the way in; and you are adorably petite. The average vagina is five inches in length, but does elongate with arousal and finding the right position, and is perfectly happy with the five to seven inch erect cock most men bring to the game. I assume that you are highly aroused before penetration—and that you use lube. Still, you may not be able to take in his entire length. This is hardly a deal-breaker.
Two good positions for the large penis:
Female superior. You control the angle and depth of penetration when you’re on top. Gyrate your vagina around his penis, lowering yourself gradually as the swirling motion arouses him and opens you up. Keep one hand around the base of his cock so he feels fully contained.
Back to chest. He lies flat on his back; you lie on top of him, your back against his chest. He inserts his penis through your legs with your inner thighs creating the feeling of an extended vagina.
I’m putting up another post by M later in the week on the jealousy that is often part of swinging, group sex or threesome play. Come back and look for that.
Q. “I love your Sex Wardrobe Basic techniques. When I surprised my husband with the Red-Heeled Quickie, he went crazy. I told some of my girls about the techniques and one of them was right huffy about it, saying that there was something wrong with your sexual confidence if you had to leave any clothes on to shag. I will admit that I am not as sexually confident as I would like to be. How do I respond to comments like that—and how do I get more confident?” Lynda, 31, London.
A. Even the most confident woman often wilts under the withering judgments of her girls. Is Ms. “Right Huffy” often so? Tell her that critiquing others is a sign of low self-esteem or lack of confidence. In a kitten-ish purr, ask her if she would like to talk about her feelings of inadequacy.
You can continue to build your sexual confidence by mastering new positions and techniques. Try the rest of the wardrobe basics including the tip that started it all, The Basic Black Dress of Blow Jobs. For many women with body anxieties or issues, leaving on bits of seductive clothing is a real confidence boost. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
I feel just a little naughtier when I don’t get completely naked. In my mind, “naked” connotes good, clean, intimate, pure sex as defined by the righteous monogamous women who rigidly define these things. I don’t like complying with them.
Q. “I’ve been sleeping with a married but separated man for six months. The sex is incredible. We do it all. I swallow him, take him up the ass, play kinky sex games with him. But he tells me his wife, with whom he hasn’t had good sex in years, wants him back; and he is going because she is the love of his life. In 25 years of marriage, he has never come in her mouth or her ass! Part of the re-commitment deal is he has to promise not to masturbate to internet porn ever again. Really? He won’t keep the promise, especially in that sex life. What makes a man leave a hot woman’s bed for the woman who sexually rejects him and doesn’t understand him at all? Should I give him a little time to come back around?” M. Kaye, a Heartland Babe transplanted to New Zealand.
A. He may well come back around, but he will be a diminished version of himself, fearful of being caught, loaded down with grievances, heavy with re-commitment. Let him go, M. Kaye. And face it: she probably does understand him better than you do in many ways, not including sexually where she seems fairly clueless, another woman who has swallowed the myth of male sexuality purified and prettied up by commitment.
What does make a man desire the woman who rejects him sexually? That is a very good question. I hope my male SexyPrime readers have some answers. I have asked the question myself recently when faced with a man who cries over being separated from a woman who disdains his cock and yet he seems ready to do anything to get her back. Are men perhaps uncomfortable with women who passionately want them? Is the cool rejecting lover with her list of “thou shalt nots” somehow more satisfying to his soul? Well, guys, what is up with this? Babes, have you experienced the phenomonon?
Come back tomorrow for the results to SexyPrimes Sex, Lies and The Secrets You Keep Survey. If you were listening to me on Tiffany Grannath’s show on Playboy Radio last Tuesday, you know some of the answers already.
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