"I don't fake orgasm. I fake the pleasure experience," said a petite 22 year old blonde New York University student.
You have to give today's college women credit for this: They may be as conflicted about masturbation, as insecure about their bodies and confused about male sexuality (and their own) as their Mamas were, but they won't wear the label "fakes orgasm."
Hip to the language, psychologists at the University of Kansas in a studyasked nearly 300 college students, 180 women and 101 men, whether they had done something similar to "pretending to orgasm"--and how would they describe it and when did they do it. The phrase of choice; "acting out orgasm." Two-thirds of the women and 25% of the men admitted they had, most often during intercourse. Their reasons were exactly the same their Mamas and Grandmamas give for faking O: To end the sex and spare his (or her) feelings.
According to the report--
"The participants who faked shared a common sexual script in which both genders feel pressure to orgasm during intercourse, with the woman orgasming first. In some cases, people are so wedded to this script they pass up the chance to orgasm for real in order to fake orgasm at the 'right' time. The study found that 20 percent of the women pretended to orgasm because their partner seemed about to.
"Some of the women wrote that they actually could have orgasmed, but they chose a pretend orgasm in the right sequence — before or during the man's orgasm — rather than an actual orgasm in the wrong sequence."
A few generations ago the prevailing sexual myth was Simultaneous Orgasms with women faking theirs as he had his. Then Baby Boom women demanded oral equality; and cunnilingus is now a required sex skill for enlightened men. So that myth has been replaced by Either/Or/Both, She Comes First, They Come Together.
Many women of various ages have told me that they fake the "she comes first" cunnilingus orgasm either out of embarrassment that "he's been down there so long without making it happen" or "it just wasn't going to happen" due to his lack of skill or her inability to relax or both. Many experts, of course, blame our goal-oriented, female orgasm-focused society. When they say to women, "Don't make orgasm the goal, just enjoy the sex"--I hear echoes of these words said softly by generations of women past: "I don't care about orgasm, I just want the intimacy."
"I don't care about orgasm" is a lie. If it were true, then women wouldn't stop wanting non-orgasmic sex with their husbands. Gleeful in their "intimacy," they would say YES! every time. Statistics show us that is not true. Women turn off to sex more than often than men do. I believe they shut down because they are tired of becoming aroused, only to be let down without release. Simple as that. Sadly, if both partners were less inhibited (and wed to their script) and more playful, she would always have her orgasm, one way or another, before, during or after his.
The Kansas psychologists are on to something. They have identified the problem: It's not that a woman can't have an orgasm, but that she (like her partner) considers sex a performance art with acting a good orgasm at the proper time preferable to having a real one in real time. Orgasms matter. Keep playing until she has one.
THE SCIENCE QUESTION OF THE DAY:
Have you ever foregone the pleasure of a real orgasm to act out/fake one at the "right" time?
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