Auntie Sue's Legs, photo by Trent
“The Diary of an Affair”, parts one and two, are generating a lot of email. Oh, my, so many babes love my mystery man and his powerful fantasy of deliciously tormenting my nipples in a restaurant bathroom before doing me. Guys are into the story too. I’ve been in an internal molten state since I started corresponding with him. We moved up our exploration date shortly after I told him: Do with me what you will. Anything. (And for more on nipples, “A Little Pain, Please?”)
Q. “My orgasms seem to be suffering from a midlife crisis. They happen, but rather listlessly. I don’t have the strong, powerful contractions I once had. I’ve lost that sensation of helplessness combined with crazed need just before I tip over into O. Can I do anything about this? Or is this just how it is for women over 40?” Leah, Los Angeles.
A. No, Babe, you don’t have to accept dull, listless orgasms any more than dull, listless hair. First, if you are not doing Kegel exercises, begin now. (You can find directions in Best Sex Ever and even more in The Sex Bible for Women) Strengthening the vagina’s muscular floor will make your orgasms feel stronger.
Second, you need to shake up the status quo in your sex life. Your orgasm is probably coming out of dull, listless sex so how could it explode on to the scene? Try something new (lots of ideas in the books). Vary your routine, your positions, your sex acts.
Three, consider a walk on the wild side. I’ve been fascinated by research on the pain/pleasure connection. Nipple torture, flogging, bondage, rough sex, including anal intercourse—all boost the body’s production of endorphins and other brain chemicals that in turn kick up the orgasm when you come. I have made plans to test that science in a few weeks. I get damp and breathless just thinking about it. (Keep you posted.) Affairs and other risky behaviors (like sex in public, outdoor adventure sex) can pack a similar O punch.
Order a copy of The Little Book of Big Orgasms for orgasm games, techniques, tips and answers. (Yes, I am sending you to the books today because I know they will help and you will love them.) Get out of your sex rut.
Q. “I took your advice and created a Hook-up Kit for those nights when I may sleep with a new guy or go home with the sex buddy. I filled a little cosmetic bag with individually wrapped packets of lube and condoms, mini vibes and vibrating cock rings. My sex buddy loves the cock rings so much that he wants to move to more toys for boys. But are there more toys for boys?” Norah, London.
A. Oh, yes, there are. Penis sleeves, for more life-like masturbation. Fancier cock rings. Anal vibrators and prostate massagers. Couples vibes. Nipple clamps (unisex.) My former Boy Toy was really into toys. (Read his revue of the Tenga.)
I love the Orgasm in a Box, His at Babeland. It includes a sonic ring kit for added sensitivity and helping him delay ejaculation. It’s a new world out there for boys who want their own toys.
Q. “My wife and I are welcoming our first child in three months. And I think she is cheating on me. I don’t believe she was having an affair before she got pregnant, but all evidence (and I have used a top P.I.) indicates she is now. I am not worried about paternity of my child—but what is wrong with his mother? Is she a sex addict?” James, Ohio.
A. James, parenthood lasts forever. After baby is born, discreetly arrange for a paternity test. Many of my women readers will shriek in outrage, but you need to know if the child is biologically yours—even if you plan to raise it no matter what. (Trust me. I found out that my father wasn't my biological father when I was 40. People need to know these things.)
No, she is not a sex addict. Many women enjoy sex more during pregnancy. They report feeling “horny” or desirous thanks to the influx of hormones bombarding them daily. Perhaps she found this the best time in her life to have an affair since she can’t get pregnant, already being in that state. I confess I would have a lot of questions--asked without judgment--if she were my friend or a sister because her behavior does seem to go against the bonding of prospective parents.
But I can’t answer any questions for her; and you do have the right to answers. Why don’t you see a therapist or couples coach and start a conversation?
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