If you haven’t read about The Sex Babes, our new business venture, please go to the link and read! (You can read about my first client, a man who wants to talk about his sex life over lunch, in "What Do Men Really Want?: Women Who Charge For It" and "Why Women Lie About Why Men Cheat."
We developed the plan in response to SO many requests in emails to the blog and on Facebook for access to us. Men, women and couples want to talk to us about their sexuality—and in some cases, they want technique lessons and/or sex and relationship coaching. Sometimes they want to hang out with us and get our insider tips on where to shop for lingerie and sex toys, how to get into sex industry events, where are New York City’s sexiest places—and more.
If we were independently wealthy, we’d give it away to our fans, but we are working girls with financial obligations just like you.
Kimmie’s work with The Art of Charm, a high-end “pick-up” seminar operation, has brought her many coaching clients. Here goes—
7 Questions with Kimmie
SexyPrime: What categories of men go to pick-up classes--and what do they learn there?
Kim: I have taught ALL categories of men. They are not “losers.” A of C clients include doctors, lawyers, a professional kite boarder, comedians, firefighters, male models, mechanics and pretty much every other profession. We have guys who are fit or not, wealthy or not. The commonality is their unhappiness with their love lives and desire to make a positive personal change. They come to me thinking that they need dating help, but find they need help in identifying and changing the habits and patterns blocking them from having the sexual relationships they want.
SexyPrime: How would you define success in that arena?
Kim: I work with the client to define success on an individual basis. What is important to him? How does he want to live? What will make him feel successful?
Initially, some people just want to talk comfortably with the opposite sex. Others can talk easily and attract lovers, but they want more control over whom they attract. They feel like they are settling for being chosen, not actively choosing. Attracting a mate is all about learnable behaviors.
Success in dating and relationship coaching is often not immediate. Clients have been stuck in habits or ruts for a long time. They can’t change those behaviors overnight. A look on their faces or tone shift in their voices—I call it the dawning of comprehension—is the first sign of success. They suddenly realize that they aren't powerless. And I know that I can teach them how to change. It’s a beautiful moment.
SexyPrime: Did you follow up on any of the guys?
Kim: I stay in touch with many of my clients by email or continuing phone coaching. Some have needed more help as they master each step and want to learn more. Many just stay in touch to keep me updated on how things are going for them. Coaching is an intense relationship—and often creates lasting bonds.
SexyPrime: How is phone coaching different for you and them?
Kim: Phone coaching can be a powerful tool on its own—very effective in providing regular guidance on the path toward change. Generally, the initial sessions are longer. We quickly settle into an easy pattern.
But phone coaching also works very well as a follow-up to live coaching. The client can check in with me, maintaining that sense of connection, and also talk about any newly recognized roadblocks or other issues. Defining necessary change is the easy part. Putting change into practice is tough but becomes easier with someone on the other end of the phone who can play the good sounding board.
SexyPrime: What are the sex fears or issues that men commonly express to you as their coach?
Kim: Fear in general is a big issue. Regarding sex, men have performance anxiety, penis size concerns, issues surrounding inexperience or lack of skills, emotional baggage, and bad histories. Rather than talking to their lovers, they hide their fears. People are sometimes afraid to ask their partners the simplest questions, like “How do you want me to kiss you?”
You can’t satisfy your lover until you know how to talk about satisfaction in personal terms.
SexyPrime: What are their sex problems with their partners?
Kim: Men have different issues with their partners. Overwhelmingly, they want to be a good lover who gives satisfaction. Sometimes a woman has baggage from previous relationships that makes it harder for him to realize his dreams. Her issues add to the man’s own problems.
Often men complain that women won't go down on them—or stop giving BJs after moving in together or getting married. They say they don’t get feedback from their lover. They report infrequent sex or routine and boring sex—even a lack of intimacy in their sex lives. Yes, women have corresponding sexual complaints about men.
SexyPrime: Do you think men value sex in relationships more than women do?
Kim: Men value sex differently than women do.
A primary couples sex coaching goal is helping each partner discover what is important to them and then communicating those needs effectively. Men and women can learn a lot from each other by understanding the other's viewpoint. When two people have a good idea of what's really important both to self and the other, sex can feel like a transitional experience.
We have been told that “communicating”—talking and sharing feelings—is the key to a happy long-term relationship. But really good sex can be just as (if not more!) effective. Like you, Susan, I show couples how to communicate sexually. Less talk and more action.
KIM, I HAVE TO GET THE LAST WORD IN HERE: AS YOU SAID WHEN WE DEVELOPED THE SEX BABES, WE ARE ALL TALK AND NO ACTION, BUT WE TALK YOU TO YOUR ACTION.
I COULDN’T HAVE SAID THAT BETTER.
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