What a strange, long week it was. But on the plus side, I am working with one of the best agents in the business to help an author create something wonderful. That puts the rest of it in perspective. On to the questions—
Q. "I've been reading your blog for the past half hour and have appreciated a lot of views. Your stand for women’s (and men’s) sexuality and understanding is fantastic. But last week my fiance (together for three years) surprised me with The Little Book of the Big Orgasm. I have many insecurities but our sex is amazing, open and communicative.
“There may be some interesting stuff in here, but I was distracted by breasts smack bam in the centre of every two-three pages. … just to get the men interested. My partner is capable of being turned on without looking at any other women. He even told me "He hoped I would get past the pictures and appreciate what he was trying to do for the relationship". I couldn't.
“I get angry because pictures of other women (as the men were seriously played down) distract me. I have small breasts I tried reading it for a long time over days but just couldn't concentrate/ focus on myself, my partner or even what the book was saying. I really dislike seeing other women naked (unless I am seeing porn that has equal share of men and women) it completely turns me off. I asked my partner to imagine there being an erect penis next to each piece of text and try to concentrate. As it was a heated discussion he immediately said no, so later I asked him to calmly, honestly imagine it, he closed his eyes for a few minutes and said, yea you're right. He is now taking the book back.
“Unfortunately since that day (we were looking forward to being together for four days with my housemates being away) I have not been interested in sex at all. I appreciate your time and any answers or comments you can give me,” [Name withheld]
A. You wrote to say you hate my book which you are returning—but can I give you any helpful advice? Yes. Find a good therapist who specializes in body image issues because you have major issues.
I LOVE my books. Getting the photo mix right is very important to me. (Ask the poor beleaguered managing editor John Gettings and the design staff at Quiver Books who work overtime to get the photos I want in place.) The overwhelming majority of readers, women and men, tell me they love the photos too. Model Jamie Lynn, featured in this book, is a big favorite, equally of the women and men. And what a sweetheart she is in real life too.
Some elegant, tastefully erotic photos turned you off sex for days? I don’t think so. I don’t believe your boyfriend doesn’t find other naked women arousing either. I hope you have a real conversation with him soon.
Q. “My wife and I seem to spend more time arguing about intercourse positions than we do getting into them. She hates being on top; I don’t like being on top all the time. We both like rear entry, but it’s not for every day. Suggestions?” Hugh, 39, London.
A. Go to your bookstore (or online) and pick up a copy of The Little Book of the Big Orgasm—if it is Christine’s used copy, ask for a discount—and Best Sex Ever, two little books you can't live without. Positions, positions, positions! Well, there are only six basic ones—but many ways to tweak; and these books give you a lot of options, in addition to other techniques, tips and games.
A few quick tips on getting her to ride: If she feels vulnerable or over-exposed on top, suggest she wear a silk top or shirt, a string of pearls, some stockings—anything to boost confidence. Buy her a sweetheart vibrator to wear during intercourse if she is shy about touching herself. Try Reverse Cowgirl where she faces your feet. It gives her the same sense of privacy she likes in rear entry.
As for you — what don’t you like about being on top? Figure it out and try some variations to the basic that answer your concerns. And then play Positions Tic Tac Toe. The game tells you which one to use.
Q. “Is this a new behavior pattern because I am running into it a lot—the guy adores me, everything about me and then he doesn’t. Is this an Australian thing? The critiques are mean-spirited and hurtful. What’s going on? Who really loves you, Baby?” Jessica, Sydney, Australia.
A. No, Babe, a human thing. I mostly run into it with young female admirers. They love my work, they love me, they want to be me. Then I don’t give them what they want and need—time, attention, praise, contacts, money—and they hate me, they hate my work, they assure me they are so much better, smarter, more talented than I am and often call me old, washed-up, etc. (And if they are black, they throw in an accusation of racism.) Yes, the critiques are mean-spirited and would be hurtful if I cared a fig. Usually the girls have slim resumes, minimal education, few publications, no books and call themselves names like Luscious Lola and Devine Dina — and remind me of girls just like them from ten, fifteen, twenty years ago, except adapted to the cupcake craze.
Much worse to get that from a guy who called you goddess, yes? But shrug it off. His resume is probably as slim as the last Cutesy Connie’s. Don’t trust any man who loves too lavishly and too soon. (Same goes for girls who would be your successors.)
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