I never said that "Sex equals intercourse."
Several women wrote in response to Monday's Auntie Sue post on angry women and the Prude 'Tude to tell me that I was wrong to ask: "Tell me how you can have intimacy without good sex."
They went on to describe loving their husbands who were impotent from surgery, illness and accidents.
"How can we be intimate without sex?" one woman asked. "By loving, touching, stroking, kissing, holding."
Madam, that is "sex." I do not define sex as intercourse; and I am disappointed in you for doing so. "Sex" is any form of intimate touching, fondling, kissing, caressing, including oral sex, that two people use to communicate feelings of affection or love and share pleasure. Yes, I believe all women would be happier if they had orgasms--but they don't need an erect penis to get one. Let him love, touch, stroke and kiss you to orgasm. And don't be shy about adding vibe play.
This sex advice comes from 30 year old woman married to 45 year old man. We can all use her tips because every man has at least the occasional soft moment when his woman wants to play. Her attitude is conducive to happiness, his and hers.
"My husband is on blood pressure medication and Viagra and Cialis are contra-indicated for him. He rarely has a good erection, but he still enjoys having his penis touched and fondled and even sucked. I don't treat penis play as a desperate attempt to get him up. It's not about erection. It's about loving and caressing every part of him.
"Here are a few things we do for me:
"I hold his penis and rub the lubricated head against my clitoris until I come.
"If he has semi-erection, I insert him and flex my PC madly around him while he plays with my clit until I orgasm.
"He rests his penis in the cleft of my buttocks while he reaches around to masturbate me.
"Sometimes he penetrates me with a strap-on and fucks me deep and hard.
"We use vibrators--oh, do we use vibrators! He loves giving me orgasms until I am exhausted and giggly."
Babes, this woman has a great sex life and an intimate relationship with her man.
I also received a heart-breaking email from a young woman paralyzed from the waist down in a car accident at age 23. I told her to read Dr. Barry Komasurak's The Science of Orgasm (Johns Hopkins University Press.) Some women with spinal cord injuries have achieved orgasm, lighting up the brain in fMRI tests--just like any other orgasm. The vagus nerve wanders the body (including the vagina) and goes directly into the brain. Buy a sturdy vibrator like the Hitachi Magic Wand or the battery-powered Mystic Wand. (I have a pink one--and I love it. The ribbed head creates delicious sensations.) Have someone use that vibe all over your body and see which places create feelings of pleasure in your brain.
Do not EVER give up on your sexuality.
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