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July 13, 2010

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JH

Intimacy without good sex? Frequent touching, cuddling, kissing. Spooning to sleep every night. Honesty and vulnerability. Best friendship.

I'm married to a man with a spinal cord injury that sharply reduces his genital sensitivity; we haven't had sex in years. Yes, we could do outercourse, but we've found it frustrating and not all that interesting.It's an open relationship, so I could get my sexual needs met elsewhere, but it's been several years since I've chosen to do so. We love each other deeply and the relationship is profoundly intimate.

Yes, I'm postmenopausal and my sex drive isn't what it used to be; this probably wouldn't have worked for me a decade ago. But it does now.

When you scold other women for saying "If something does/doesn’t work for me, then it should/shouldn’t work for you," then imply that a relationship that wouldn't work for you shouldn't work for anyone, your credibility plummets.

JH

Susan Crain Bakos

My dear, i scold other women for scolding the women who don't do it their way.
I recognize that many people live their own sex lives priviately and don't intrude upon other's women's sex lives.
I wasn't talking to them or to you.
The post was very specific about the women targetted for the tongue lashing. Perhaps you should read it again.
Also, by my definition, you are having "sex" with your husband. I said, Explain to me how you can have intimacy without good sex.
Apparently you do have good sex. You made the leap to "sex equals intercourse". I didn't.

Suzie Heumann

An angry commentary to angry women - doesn't help much but I do get your point.
ALL women can orgasm and I wish that we lived in a society that taught that kind of self-esteem from the very start. Women are still second class citizens and we would be doing much better here on Mother Gaia if we were still matriarchal.
I now want to get your book, The Orgasm Loop. I know from much experience with trainings, teaching, personal experiences and much more that it is wonderfully easy to achieve an incredibly satisfying sex life, including expanding your consciousness while doing so. Desmond Morris, famous anthropologist, ran a study once that simply instructed 37 couples to get more creative with sex positions they used. The women in the study went from the classic 75% didn't have orgasms during intercourse to 75% HAVING orgasms during intercourse by simply HAVING MORE FUN AT IT! Playfulness, breath, mind focus, taking pleasure as your birthright, a focused lover and relaxed attitude add up to multiples, female ejaculation, more sex, much better sex and a more satisfying life!
http://www.tantra.com

Susan Crain Bakos

Thank you for writing--and I urge readers to check out tantra.com.

I wasn't angry. I get angry about topics like Female Genital Mutilation.
Occasionally, however, critical sex-negative women move me into a mode I associate with my late mother (an expert at the cooly delivered slice and dice)--

Kisses, S

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