Because I write about sex, younger men—sometimes Very Much Younger men—hit on me at least several times a week. (I don’t consider a man ten years my junior to be a “younger” man. The age gap has to be plus ten and counting.) Last year’s, and possibly the last, Boy Toy is writing a book on sleeping with cougars.
The on-line applicants for the currently vacant position of my cub have read but not met me. Their two primary approaches are: “Baby, I can make you scream like you’ve never screamed before.”—and, “I want to learn sex tricks from you.” The more crude among them send photos of their penises. Has any woman ever been turned on by the photo of an anonymous penis belonging to a guy who wants to exploit her erotic talents?
In person, the aspiring cubs have more original lines, like—
- “I’m into older women.”
- “I want to make you happy.”
- “I am very attracted to you and age is just a number.”
- “I want to make you come.”
- “You have great legs. I wonder what it’s like to get between them.”
- “I want to give you pleasure.”
- “Do you need someone to help you test sex techniques?”
- “I can make you happy.”
- “I’m very oral. Very. Oral.”
Generally, they are attractive, sometimes Very Attractive, even sexy. But I just may be over boys—or maybe it’s simply that I don’t want to be any man-child’s sexpert score.
When you write about your life—or share parts of it as a deejay or talk show host or another public figure in the business of selling partial disclosure—you are known to varying degrees by people you do not know at all. They never consider that there might be more to you than the 1,000 word essay or 500 word blog post or even all the blog posts they’ve read—that you are, in fact that I am, a complex woman. Boys who want to bonk are rarely complex. Simplicity and directness of intent is both their charm and their limitation.
But what is your experience? I want to know.
7 Questions on Younger Men/Older Women
Please give me your gender, age, and geographical location.
1. How do you feel about the labels “cougar,” “cub” “boy toy?”
2. Have you been sexually involved with a younger man or older woman? And what was the age difference?
3. How would you characterize that relationship(s)?
4. Is the attraction—or was it initially—primarily sexual?
5. How is the sex different than sex with same age partners?
6. If you are in love with a younger man (or an older woman)—what is your greatest fear about the future?
7. Who gets the most out of it—the older woman or the younger man? And why do you say so?
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