Do men and women differ in their responses to sexual stimuli? Yes, in simple terms: men can’t deny arousal while women can and do. Yes, men’s orgasms are inevitable while women’s are problematic. And nobody is suggesting that he has too many partners.
Babes and Guys, I contend that women would be more attuned to their bodies and more orgasmic in their sex lives if—
- They stopped linking the withholding/dispensing of sex to the management of man/relationship—
- Never faked orgasm again—
- Shut down their babbling Girlfriend Advisors who rarely encourage sexual empowerment—
- Listened to their hearts and their genitals and related to their lovers rather than trying to create cookie cutter relationships.
No surprise—my happiest female readers live by this credo--and the unhappy do not.
I had drinks a few nights ago with a beautiful woman, 31, who told me: “I was happiest when I had two lovers but my girlfriends ruined it. They kept on me about having to choose.”
She chose and became another LDS (Low Desire Syndrome) statistic asking me why she doesn’t want sex with him anymore. The Relationship Therapy Industrial Complex is thrilled to welcome her to the tribe. What tribe? Women discouraged from having sex according to their own desires, a.k.a, consumers of relationship advice. The Tamed Women. Gaggles of TV and movie girlfriend groups encourage and support her taming.
The studies illustrating the sexual response gender disparity keep coming in. Canadian researchers analyzed 134 studies on sexual desire and arousal, published between 1969 and 2007, involving more than 2,500 women and 1,900 men—and drew the inevitable conclusion that men know they’re aroused when they see their erections and women don’t know they’re aroused when their vaginas swell and lubricate. Theories abound on why this is so and whether and when the female sex pill can/will be produced. Often the theories are negative in their assessment of women. Nobody ever comments on the fact that men aren’t judged by how long they hold out before having sex.
Clearly women still have sex, desirous/aroused or not, at least until they have been in a relationship for a few years when the predictable pattern of LDS sets in for as many as 50% of women. In fact, a barrage of studies (including a big one from those conservative folk in Chicago) have told us (or will soon tell us) that women are having sex with too many partners, thus opening themselves up to risks of STIs. In reality the monogamous girlfriend or wife is more likely to become infected. From a landmark study analyzing more than 15,000 patient records from three STI clinics in Ireland:
- Teenage girls and women with only one sexual partner are more likely to contract sexually transmitted infections (STIs.
- Having multiple partners does not increase the chances of picking up infections such as genital warts, Chlamydia, syphilis and HIV.
- More experienced women may be better aware of the risks of STI transmission and more likely to use protection.
Most of what your girlfriends (and Mamas and ministers) tell you about sex is wrong. They're wrong when they commiserate with you about that disappointing man you landed using their advice and blame your sexual dissatisfaction on him. Take charge of your own sex life. Separate the facts from the myths and fictions, rooted in deep cultural sexual prudishness. Check out the research protocol of sex studies and ask, Who paid for this research? Claim your pleasure. If you need the science to back your stance, come to me.
I am on the side of pleasure.
[Read the flip side of tamed sex: Women on Top
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