I meet a lot of attractive and unattached men and women in Manhattan who claim they have no time or energy for sex, much less “relationship.” And I want to tell them: sex is energizing, fulfilling and restoring, not depleting—but I don’t. (Offering unsolicited advice is not my job.) Today’s questions come from people who have the time and certainly the energy—but aren’t necessarily getting the sex they want.
Q. “My cock has girth, but not so much length. Women would rather have girth, right? What is the most advantageous intercourse position for me to use? I want to get the job done for my ladies,” Kevin, 32.
A. Generally speaking, women do say that girth is more important than length. (I like it all.) Any of the six basic intercourse positions—man-on-top, woman-on-top, side-by-side, standing, sitting, rear entry—can be adapted to penises of any size. See The Sex Bible and The Sex Bile for Women for many, many ideas.
Here are some quick suggestions for tweaking man-on-top (missionary) so that your penis feels larger and she also gets more clitoral stimulation during thrusting:
- Put her legs over your shoulders
- Place a firm pillow under the small of her back and have her wrap her legs around your waist.
- Using the firm pillow under the small of the back again, have her bend her knees and pull her legs up, feet on your chest.
Q. “I have never been with a cop, but I fantasize it. In fact, being ravished by a cop is my number one sexual fantasy. How do I meet a cop? Are they as good in bed as I think they are?” Simone, 38.
A. The cop fantasy is a very common one. They represent power and authority, risk and danger—and they have guns and shields. Cool. But in real life, they are a diverse group of people, men and women, some undoubtedly good in bed and others not. My cop experience is limited to one. He has an awesome cock, but I can’t draw sweeping conclusions from that.
How to meet one? If you live in a big city, there are “cop bars” in every neighborhood. (That’s probably even true in small towns, but I don’t know.) You could also post on craigslist. But no good comes from chasing a living/breathing myth/stereotype who will surely resent being desired for that alone. Here’s what I recommend: continue to enjoy the fantasy, buy some fur-lined handcuffs and a water pistol and act out cop and robber games with your lover—and purchase a cop calendar with proceeds going to charity. (My pal Steve Otero suggests that, in memory of the late Jamie Gillis, you make a donation to New York City’s Police Athletic Leagu, which assists children in need.)
Q. “I’ve had a series of one-night stands that I hoped would not be one-night-stands. I wanted MORE—not that I am looking for an instant BF, but more sex. Why don’t men come back? I thought the sex was good. I’m recently divorced and new to dating. Is this how it goes?” Nancy, 43.
A. Nancy, I would have guessed your marital status and age by the question. (Much younger people “hook up” and don’t really “date”.) At least you are getting dinner first, yes? And you are enjoying the sex? Sometimes a good meal and a good fuck is as good as it gets.
For years I’ve asked men of all ages, various races and socioeconomic classes—Why don’t you come back for seconds after having “good” sex? Answers include: It wasn’t that good; I was in a relationship; She seemed too clingy afterward; I liked her and meant to call and time passed and I didn’t; She called me before I could call her and I felt pressured—and my favorite, “I don’t know. Who knows these things?”
A few nights ago I had drinks with a cute 22 year old who told me about his most recent drunken hook-up: “She was my brother’s friend; I wanted only to be her friend. We were drunk. She liked to be choked; I did it reluctantly and didn’t like it. She didn’t smell good. A bacterial infection, maybe? She wanted an immediate relationship. I found out she was telling people I was her new guy.”
Whew. Now that is an answer. But she’s probably still hoping love will bloom.
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