Photo Credit: "Seduction" by ppisces17 on Photobucket
I expected a dominatrix--blonde, voluptuous, around forty, a cougar with no need to prowl. When the slender man walked in the door at Maxie’s Grill, glanced at him. Instant assessment: Young, black, smart, cute. I was sitting at the bar where I hold all my business meetings because they treat me well at Maxie’s. He paused at the end of the bar, looked at me and smiled. I returned a quizzical smile. Too young, too sweet, too married, Baby.
“Susan?” he asked. How had I forgotten meeting him? “Dom Rose,” he said.
The general manager of Club Double [no longer in existance] was no dom/domme, however you want to spell it. My jaw literally dropped. He’d found SexyPrime over a year ago when it was a fledgling blog and sent me Six Questions which I answered. He was so smart about women that I never thought he might be a man. That post brought me many new readers.
After we laughed about the gender confusion, we began planning a big event, a shared SexyPrime/Club Double night of intellectual/sexual talk (with goodie bags), to take place in November. (Details soon.) He flatters me by saying that I also inspired him to re-think Club Double, now in the process of re-design.
“Club DD is all about fun,” he says. “We are imagining the site to bring it into the future. When the dust settles, it will be Larger Than Life. We hope you will join us.”
“I'd love to comment on your survey results because there are a LOT of things that I find fascinating about it. As a young married black man in his late 20s I love oral sex but NOTHING beats the punany! I'll take a blow job in one of three scenarios: 1. I'm too tired to be bothered with foreplay/doing it. 2. If she's feeling horny but I'm not- it that scenario we'll usually 69. And 3. When I meet a woman with a WICKED tongue game. And that is rare these days. A lot of women THINK they have wicked tongue game but they are just OK and when it comes to oral sex, I don't cum easily at all. The pussy has spoiled me. So a woman has to be exceptionally great when it comes to oral to raise my interest (pun intended).
“Which brings me to an argument I've always had: women are quick to say guys don't know how to go down on them/guys never hit the right spot HOWEVER they are a lot less likely to believe that they suck when it comes to going down on a guy. Women think that any stimulation of the penis yields pleasure for a man. And maybe that works for some guys but for me- I can only cum vaginally. I almost never cum during oral sex and I seldom cum during anal.
“The kicker here is I prefer to 69 over receiving a straight BJ. I LOVE LOVE LOVE FUCKING LOVE, eating pussy and having a nice tasty pussy right there in my face. THAT always makes me cum. Weird right?”
I relate because I can come giving a blow job if I’m really into the cock. In defense of the sisterhood, most of women’s ideas about male sexuality are formed early when they’re dealing with guys who get hard just looking at them and may ejaculate during the foreplay or shortly after entry. Young women learn to touch that explosive dick lightly. Unfortunately, too many women don’t evolve in their attitudes about what men need and want—and their men aren’t very good at telling them either. (I do tell them. Guys, send your women to the instructions for The Basic Black Dress of Blow Jobs.)
Dom, what surprised you (if anything) in the survey results?
DR: "The guy who opted for a BJ when women insisted on a condom. That guy HAS to have a few STDs. Any woman I'm taking to bed for the first time, I'm strapping my jimmy UP. I stopped doing all that dumb-shit back in High School."
The stats on condom use—or lack of it—would appall you, Dom. How much do you think men are influenced by porn in their own sex lives--for example, do they believe that anal intercourse is just a matter of flipping her over and slipping it in? That women have screaming orgasms from intercourse alone?
DR: "A lot of men are intimidated by porn and for very good reason: you have a guy, generally with a "perfect" body and a larger than life cock, fucking a sexy girl for what seems like forever. And regardless of what position he is fucking her in, she ALWAYS seems to have a screaming orgasm. So if you are the typical guy who watches a shit-load of porn you get this impression that you too should have a great body, a huge cock and be able to pleasure a women for hours until the point she is climbing the walls in ecstasy.
"But c'mon, lets me honest: some days I'm going to make my woman orgasm and sometimes I'm not. I have an average body at best and my cock is a good size but a far cry from the horse-dicks they show in porn. And men are always trying to be "the man", even when compared to steriod-pumping porn stars. EVERY man on the planet wants to believe, he too could be a porn star and he too could fuck a woman's brains out. So when we get into the sack we measure ourselves against very unrealistic standards. And we think that every other guy out there is making women cum with their wicked dick game, so we THINK that if we aren't able to make the woman orgasm that there is something wrong with us. And that whole thing plays out within a man's head during sex and its probably one of the most important factors why men aren't as good as they could be in the bedroom. Porn has us thinking that we need to be stallions in order to please our women.
"That’s why I don't watch as much porn as I did. When I first started having sex I attempted to pile-drive every woman I got in bed and almost ALL of them told me to calm down/slow down or said that I was hurting them."
I do believe that men want to please women in bed. What's your theory on that? And why is giving a woman an orgasm so important (if it is) to most men?
DR: "I don't want to come off as sounding sexist but it's in a man's nature to win/conquer/command/close/etc. Sex may not be a "sport" but it's most certainly an activity that men take VERY seriously. Not a week goes by where my boys and I aren't trading secrets on how to make our dicks stay harder for longer so that we can fuck for hours. And why would we want to do that? We ALL want to make our women orgasm. Why?
"We've been taught that a woman's orgasm is the equivalent of hitting a grand slam at the World Series- it's the Grand Finale, the game winning play. So if every man out there approaches sex as an activity that must be won, especially in a spectacular form, then being able to provide a woman with an orgasm is the greatest achievement. Even I look at it like that. When my wife and I make love, if I don't have her crawling up the walls in pleasure, screaming my name, sweat dripping from her back- then I feel disappointed. I feel as though I didn't bring my A-game. BUT when she does orgasm, I feel a level of pride that is hard to top. It's a rush. When I make a woman orgasm, honest to God, I feel like the King of the Jungle. There is no greater feeling of satisfaction."
And this is why women fake so many orgasms! What do you think women don't know about men--and vice versa?
DR: "Hmm, this is a tough one. One thing men don't know about women is that women are just as dirty-minded and perverse as we are. When I was an ad sales manager, I hired a plethora of beautiful women to work in the office. After a while I got to know each and every one of them and they almost ALWAYS steered the conversation towards sex—not "girlie" kinda sex talk like "oh he is SOOOO cute". NO! I mean hardcore shit like "I want to suck his cock and have him cum all over my face". At first I was taken aback because I didn't know women talked like that but then after a while it became clear that women are just like men, they love to fuck and they love to talk about fucking.
"As for stuff women don't know about men...... We fake it too. A lot of women still believe that "all a guy needs to come is a moist warm hole". And I know several guys, myself included, who need more than that. If a woman thinks that once a guy enters her, he is guaranteed to come and guaranteed to enjoy himself, she is dead wrong. I need a woman to have the right hip motion, the right moisture level and the right attitude in order for me to cum. I've stopped many a sex session because I was too bored to continue. If I didn't want to hurt the girls feelings, I pretended that I was having a mind-blowing orgasm, just to get it over. When I tell women that, they look at me like I'm speaking a foreign language. Yes ladies, MEN FAKE TOO. GET YOUR GAME RIGHT!"
Yes, I’ve heard from men who admit to faking orgasms—for the same reason women do, to end the sex because it’s not going to satisfy them. Anything else you'd care to comment on?
DR: "No, but I did have a question: how can a young man go about getting an older woman? This is one beast I've never been able to conquer."
See the opening paragraphs above. Too young, too cute, too sweet, too married. Now that I know you a little better, I wouldn’t say “too sweet.” You’ve got a nice edge.
Readers, did you notice that I had a conversation with a black man about sex--and he didn't mention race? I will ask him about that next week. AND what in addition to the wicked tongue game, hip action and moisture level makes a woman a good lover?
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