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April 02, 2009


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I met my mate when I was in my early 20's and just starting to figure things out. Now I'm heading toward my 40's and I'm not the innocent young thing he met years ago, but I find it hard to say, Please spank me after so many years of NOT being spanked.

And if/when I do tell him, what if he's bad at it? Do I encourage him and tell him it was lovely if it wasn't, or do I bruise his ego and tell him it needs work? What if HE doesn't like spanking me? And is he going to secretly wonder why I suddenly want to be spanked?

We have a great relationship and our sex life is good, too. There are just much kinkier things I want to try now. It's strange to me that we communicate so well about everything else, but I'm afraid to drop this on him.

I like the concept of my mate being my ultimate lover as well, but the reality of one person knowing that much about me is scary. Right now I share my kink with someone else with whom I don't have the heart and mind connection, just the body. It works for me, so I'm not really jumping to fix what ain't broke.

I guess I wonder if he can truly handle the level of crazy I want to get. I suppose if I start small and work our way up, that might be effective.

I also think he might not be into it because HE hasn't brought it up. But of course, without asking him, I can't know for sure. It's entirely possible that he's thinking the same thing about me, that he'd like to get kinkier but since I haven't brought it up, he's afraid to talk about it, too.

Susan Crain Bakos

You are wise to realize that a mate is not an "ultimate lover" capable of satisfying every need and desire.

But, he might actually want in on this game but doesn't know how to broach the subject either. You've grown and changed; surely he has too. Couples who have been together a long time censor themselves with one another because they don't want to risk hurting or turning off (or being judged by) this person who is so important to them.

I suggest that you broach the subject. Share some of the things you've read with him. Take him to Sexy Prime and point out The Kinky Decade interview. Ask him to read it and tell you what he really thinks.

If you can start a dialogue, you can move the conversation into sharing fantasies. Open the door! At the worst, he will make a joke about your choice of reading material, but he won't judge you harshly for displaying curiosity.

At best, he will be curious too. Be sure he reads the post on how to spank before he does it.

Keep us posted! I want to know how this turns out.

Air kisses, S

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