Rebecca is back in fine form!
On a personal note: I have never been a big dildo fan. They require too much work on my part. (Where's the damn power switch?) I much prefer vibes. Aside from my beloved Rabbits and some G spot vibes, I also usually prefer to be penetrated by the real thing, a nice, big, warm and responsive cock that I can feel throbbing inside me. But, as you know, I love vibe play--alone and with a partner--using a variety of models on my clit and surrounding area, even labia and my nipples.
We all have our preferences; and I send women to the Babeland stores and website because there is something for everyone--and the quality of the products, information and service is excellent.
Here is Rebecca (and wait until you read part two next week:
Open Wide.
Well you know that every woman
has had a moment where she gives up on men. The feminist or the nilhist told me that men are irreverent. In short, someone pissed me off and I was
PROFOUNDLY disappointed.
Reading the SCUM Manifesto by Valerie Solanas in the repressive summer
heat of
New York
intensified my mood. So I cut the cord and eliminated that need for men in my
life. I went out to purchase Dil Doul, an Olisbos, a phallic imitator
First, I went to my favorite “gossip spot” Leatherman. NYC—a familiar “home”
long before other sex shops opened. Leatherman is, however, decidedly boy-centric,
but the salesmen are funny, approachable and informed. After some shit and
giggles, they referred me to Babes and Toyland. I overheard a conversation including the
phrases “ this is for “ and “Fisting
is….”—said while the sales clerk was waving a gigantic, arm like item in the
air—and I made a hasty exit to the store for girls.
Babes in Toyland is like a luxury car dealership for Dildo shopping. I
wanted the latest model that was fully loaded. A luxury model the fantasy, my
fantasy. . Rather than dealing with the real-life biggest dick I would purchase
myself one. Fantastic!!!
Like Leather man, everyone at Babeland was is informed and they liked to
share. “Did you want me to suggest some items to you?” the salesperson asked. She walked me through all the models, their
various features and maintaince.
My response was; “ Is this the biggest one you have?” The salesgirl
raised her eyebrow, looked over her glasses, squinted and in a very
professional manner suggested that I stick with this option first and upgrade
after I put this model through it paces. In hindsight, I recognize that she did
suggest other. perhaps more appropriate options, but I declined.
I took myself out to a nice dinner, went home, put on some music. I was
wearing my sexy bra. No need to break my normal dating, sex
routine. I run through my mind some old sexual scenario that I’d stored in the
mental file. It is on!!!!
Now I was excited and ready for some penetration. I lubed that baby up, rubbed and pushed,
fondled, rubbed--and I pushed. Hmm, it felt good; it felt nice. I felt good, I
felt nice—but hmmm.. The fight was a little tight. No problem, first time. I
tried again. Too tight—but I was
breaking in my plastic, so to speak.
I started to consider. …This fucker didn’t fit. I tried and my body was
rejecting the dildo. My vagina was like “ Oh no this won’t go. The only thing that size in my vagina should
be on its way down the birth canal after 7 to 9 months—and proceeded by an
epidural.
I sat on the floor with a pint of chocolate Haagen Dazs and contemplated
my dilemma—realizing that I’d been a little slow on the sarcasm uptake. Hell, I was hot horny and frustrated. I was
so pleased with myself when I bought that Dick for 70.00. Now that time had passed. I moved from being
horny/ empowered to feeling ridiculous, but still empowered.
So then I wondered: "What the hell does I do with this thing,
now." You can’t return a dildo to the store. I can’t simply throw it our
in the trash. I can’t re -gift it. It is too obviously a penis to be used as a
knick-knack on my mantle.
Now this is the conundrum folks…
Next week: I will give you some
tips for buying, then recycling and ridding yourself of your faux Phallus’—but
more importantly I am going to tell you what happened with my Dick. I will also
discuss Penis size and my obsession with it.
I apologize for last week.
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