Nan Wise is a neuroscience researcher on orgasm--as well as a coach who does excellent work with individuals and couples in her practice, a writer and Ph.D. candidate--and a babe with the best legs in neuroscience.
One day last summer we were sitting at her dining room table, sipping wine and discussing her theory on sexual desire, a theory that has been shaped by her work with clients. As she explained how desire increases in a new relationship, then levels off and declines--I knew that she had to name that theory. After a few glasses of wine, we had it: The Desire Curve. Think of a woman's breast. That's how it looks.
Briefly (more later), here is The Desire Curve:
The Desire Set point: The amount of sex we naturally crave whether we are in a relationship or not. (You will masturbate this often if you're alone.)
New Relationship Euphoria (NREU): The high level of desire excited by a complex chemical cocktail makes you want more sex than usual--and sex with that one partner. (You know this phase: Can't keep your hands off each other; exchange of melting gazes; thinking about the beloved when you're apart.) NREU lasts anywhere from 18 months to 3 years for most people (though for me, it has often been 18 days to 3 months)--and then you slide back down to:
The Desire Set point: Whether you wanted sex twice a week or once a month, you're back to that lust home base now.
Many people don't understand that the decline of NREU is normal, natural and unavoidable. They think they're not in love with their partners anymore. Maybe they begin looking for the next "high." Some couples get divorced.
The over-reported phenomenon of "Low Desire syndrome" likely includes many people who don't understand the true nature of desire. Popular culture reinforces the myth that monogamy can and should be hot forever.
Over time on Sexy Prime Nan will answer the most common questions women have about changing desire. You can also read more about The Desire Curve in THE SEX BIBLE FOR WOMEN.
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