The Basic Black Dress of Blow Jobs (BBDBJ) was one of my early posts and remains the most popular post on the blog. The technique first came together for me in New Orleans when my cousin/lover and I were getting dressed for a family funeral. Read "Where It Began."
And the BBDBJ has inspired an ongoing series of wardrobe basics sex tips. See the others:
OTHER SEX WARDROBE BASICS
And, now, my signature sex technique.
Tip: Every woman accessorizes a basic black dress in her own way. Learn the basic moves. Then mix them up to suit the man, the mood.
THE BASIC BLACK DRESS OF BLOW JOBS
There are two things every woman must know:
How to give a great blow job; and how to have orgasms, preferably more than one at a time.
Way back in the day when I began researching sex techniques, I tested blow job directions in many books. Some didn’t give enough information. Some gave too much. As the years went on, sexperts gave more and more elaborate directions to every technique, including blow jobs. (The idea was that books had to promise 24 hour orgasms, 1001 sex techniques and five pages of directions for a basic hand job to out-sell the competition.) I developed my own technique, the Basic Black Dress of Blow Jobs. It meets my criteria for elegance and simplicity. You can also dress it up to suit your taste and style.
And now, from THE SEX BIBLE FOR WOMEN, my Memorial Day gift to you--possibly my best sex tip ever.
The BBDBJ foreplay--
- Kiss and lick his inner thighs while pulling down ever so slightly on his scrotum. With your finger pads, scratch his testicles. Put his balls carefully in your mouth one at a time. Roll them around. Then, again ever so gently, pull them down with your mouth.
- While you’re attending to his balls, run your fingers lovingly up and down the shaft of his penis.
- Get into a comfortable position, either kneeling at his side on the bed or at a right angle to his body or kneeling between his legs. Or you can bring him down to the edge of the bed and kneel on the floor. Wet your lips and be sure that your lips cover your teeth. Run your tongue around the head of his penis to moisten it.
- Hold the base of his penis firmly in one hand. With the other hand, you can form a circle of your thumb and forefinger--what sex expert Lou Paget calls “the ring and the seal” to elongate your mouth and prevent him from going in further than you would like. Use that hand in a twisting motion as you fellate him. Or, if his erection is not firm, you can use both hands (wrapped around the shaft) in an upward twist stroke.
- Circle the head with your tongue in a swirling motion, then work your tongue in long strokes up and down his shaft. Now back to the head.
- Follow the ridge of the corona with your tongue while working the shaft with your hands, the penis sandwiched between them--unless, of course, you want to keep that ring and seal in place.
- Strum the frenulum with your tongue. Lick the raphe.
- Make eye contact with him from time to time.
- Do at least ten or twenty seconds of this showy move: Repeatedly pull his penis into your mouth, then push it out, using suction--while keeping that tongue in motion.
- Go back to the head. Swirl your tongue around it. Tongue the corona. Suck the head. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
Pay Attention To Hs Responses, Every Tme
- Follow his lead if he pulls back from stimulation. He knows that he will reach orgasm sooner than he would like if you don’t stop. Take his hand and put it against your vagina. Let him stimulate you until his excitement subsides a bit.
- But if you want him to come, apply gentle pressure with thumb or finger to his perineum. I promise he won't come in your mouth if you do it this way.
To Swallow Or Not?
Don’t feel badly that you can’t deep throat his penis without gagging. Concentrate attention during fellatio on the head of his penis and the first third of the shaft while not neglecting his perineum. He won’t notice or care that you don’t take the entire shaft into your mouth. (Lou’s ring and seal trick fools him into thinking you are taking in more than you are.)
And if you want to give him something really special, fellate him to orgasm. If you can do this comfortably, when he’s near ejaculation, take his pelvis in both hands and rock him toward you so that he goes deeper into your mouth. If you want to add a pearl choker to that basic black dress, let him come on your face or breasts--or swallow.
Swallowing is not really difficult--and he will love you for doing it. A man feels totally accepted and loved when a woman swallows his semen. You can control the depth of oral penetration via the ring and seal and influence the timing by pressing his perineum.
Position yourself so that his ejaculate will shoot straight down your throat.
An easy way of doing this: Lie on your back with your head off the bed. Your mouth and throat will form a smooth line. Have him straddle your face for the elegant finish to a perfect blow job.
Want to add some accessories to that BBDBJ? Read: "Is He Blow Job Worthy?: 7 Ways to Accesorize The Basic Black Dress of Blow Jobs."
And do you know how to have a (no hands) orgasm while giving a BJ?
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