SexyPrime, a blog by Susan Crain Bakos

WOMEN ASK: "What Is The Right Vibe For Me?"

"Somebody gave me a great big vibe for my birthday," Selena said. We were enjoying Happy Hour at Maxie's Grill (19th Street between Irving and Park.)  She wanted to know:  What's with vibes?  "Really, it was a battery-operated dildo," she explained.  "I didn't like it.  I don't think I am the vibe type."

At 27, Selena is right inside the vibrator's prime demographic.  Women in their twenties and thirties are now buying more vibes than Baby Boomer women, the original vibe babes.  Selena, get your share.

"I would never suggest that a woman new to vibes start off with a battery-operated big dildo," I said. "Unless you're fingering your clit while you use it, you probably won't have an orgasm. It's like intercourse without the joy of a man's body." 

She needs a toy designed for coy little kittens, whose clits need to be tenderly coaxed out to play.  And the choices, the choices!  Go to Babeland and look for external vibes, including contour vibes that you can hold in the palm of your hand, little vibes designed like lipsticks or sporting fun names like Pocket Rocket, finger vibes that expand the erotic power of your finger--oh, so many choices of toys to hold against your clit until is sings its own song.  For Selena, I advise SaSi, the intelligent vibe that creates the sensations of cunnilingus only better, unless your partner is an oral genius.  AND SaSi remembers your responses for next time.  (Can you say that about your partner?)

"You won't want to stop at purchasing a single vibe," I told her.  "Once you've fallen in love with that one, you will begin to wonder what different sensual delights another vibe might deliver."

Women who start with the bullet eventually crave a penetrating vibe and find their way to the Rabbit, enticed by its triple stimulus action:  G-spot, clitoris, cervix.  Why not?  Why be monogamous to your vibrator?

But some women are.  Sue, one of my favorite readers, is a Boomer Babe who swears by her Hitachi Magic Wand.

"It works for me," she says of the big power machine that I associate with Cougars.  "I don't want to try anything else."

Yes, it works for me too.  I can go from zero to orgasm in sixty seconds when i flip the switch on my big tool.  When I want/need a quick orgasm before running out the door to a meeting or falling asleep after a long day--that's my vibe.  

When I want to play, there are so many other ways to go.  More than a lover or two is probably too time-consuming for most of us.  You can never have too many vibes.  They wait patiently in drawers and on shelves and perform on demand.

Photo credit: Vibrating Panties, available at Babeland

IT'S WEDNESDAY AND KIMMIE RETURNS: And She Has A Pink Waterproof Vibe!

I am so glad that Kimmie is back from vacation.  Didn't you miss her hot Wednesday stories?  I did!  And this new one is worth the wait.

Here's Kimmie:

WAKE UP CALL

I luxuriated in the hot bath, polishing every little inch of me. I ran my scrubby mitt all over, starting with my feet, loving the shape of my toes and the dark magenta color I’d chosen for my nails, the curve of my ankles and the sensitive area behind my heels that ran up my tendon. I found my silkiest cream and spread it in a rich layer over my legs, lubricating the way for my razor to assure that my calves and thighs were soft and smooth for any hands that might find their way there later on. I lathered my bikini line and happily applied the razor there as well, creating a work of art intriguing enough for any aficionado. I soaped my breasts and arms, appreciating the slick feel of my sudsy skin, and as I ducked under the hot water to rinse off, the sluicing sheets of water aroused and massaged every muscle.
 
I started to sweat under the hot, hot water. I closed my eyes and felt the slow thick pulse of my blood in my neck and heard the languorous thump in my ears. I leaned forward against the wall and let the jets hit my tailbone and run down the crack of my ass, trailing up across my pussy and down my thighs. I laid my face against it as wall, letting the cool stone refresh my burning skin. My breasts pressed into the chill of the tile, tightening my nipples. I slowly rolled my hips from side to side, letting the water tickle different tracks across my body. Energy was building up and I felt the power sizzling off me in the hot water.
 
But before I let my instincts loose to send my hand dipping down between my legs, I slammed the faucet all the way to cold and hit myself with a wall of icy water. My languid heartbeats revved suddenly and a convulsive shiver jerked me upright. I turned full-on into the frigid flow, stabbing my entire body with freezing needles.  I tilted my head back and let the water hit my forehead and stream backward into my hair. I felt the cold slide down my scalp, spreading from my hairline across the top of my head, down to my ears and the nape of my neck. I turned around slowly, letting the cold waken my skin from head to toe, everywhere except my most private of hot spots. I would leave her steaming; leave her ready and anticipating, waiting and wanting more.
 
Slowly I turned the water back to hot again. The air was thick now, the room full of steam. It was hard to breathe. I needed gills. I pulled each breath in deeper and bigger and felt the pulse of my pussy each time. I slid the plug into the drain and let the water create a perfectly heated cushion for my body. I reached into the fun drawer of my cabana and pulled out my fat pink waterproof vibe, my happy little bath time toy. I clicked slowly through all the settings, letting my fingertips decide what level we would start with today. I ran it down my chest, feeling the vibration in my heart, my ribcage, my nipples, my skin. I was so silky, so hot, so pink… and now so perfectly ready.
 
As I slid my hand down into the water, I thought, Coffee be damned. This is the way to start my day.

COME GET ME....:Time For The Cub To Take Charge Of A Cougar Flirtation

I printed out the seductive emails from my admirer.  Then I took my purple JimmyJane Form 6 vibe from its charging stand, flipped the switch and began to read.  The speed was up to highest by the time i got to this one:

"I check into the hotel, and after getting settled in, I head up to the rooftop lounge to get something to drink.  Might as well unwind before I have to start interviewing witnesses for the upcoming hearing.  While I'm sitting there enjoying my drink and viewing the scenery along the pool, I notice this stunningly curvaceous redhead come into the lounge and sit at the bar.  She doesn't see me, though.  I feel a stirring in my lap.  She's wearing a tight black pencil skirt and snow white blouse, unbuttoned enough to show off her cleavage.  I walk up and ask her if she would like to join me for a drink.  She obliges.

 

"Back at our table, sitting across from her, I can't help but to steal glances at her breasts.  I can tell she is wearing black lace demi bra, but from what I can tell, she is in fabulous shape and the bra is providing more sexy show than actual use.  It's obvious she works out a lot and her breasts are just perfect.  Her pearl necklace hangs just where the cleavage starts.  Her legs, which she strategically crosses and uncrosses, are athletic and sexy, and are encased in black stockings - which I slyly spy end mid thigh - just before what appears to be tiny black, French lace panties.  I know right then that I need be able to somehow get her back to my room.

 

"After a while I suggest heading out for light dinner, and she finally agrees to join me.  I mention that I need to stop by my room, and does she mind.  She says, "sure."  Pulling her chair out for her, I steal a glance down her shirt and hope that my raging erection isn't obvious.  Opening the door to the interior of the hotel, I let her through, placing my hand on the small of her back (just below waist band of the skirt and above where her firm bottom begins.)  I detect a faint whimper, or breathless exhale, as my hand gently guides her through the door.  I let me hand linger, and she does nothing to increase her speed or cause my hand to drop.  Her back is firm and I feel her muscles as she walks.

 

"Not a word is spoken on the elevator, but I notice that she is breathing deep.  As the door opens, I again guide her through and I definitely hear her "hmmmm" as once again I place my hand on her body.  I wonder if this quick detour could somehow be delayed.  I wonder what she is thinking...."

She is thinking:  This orgasm was very nice, but I want to get laid, well laid, and not just by anyone.  Your letters have created a craving inside me, a craving for you.  I want to be in that elevator with you, not speaking a word, breathing you in....

Come get me.

ASK "AUNTIE SUE": Reader Questions on Vibes, Quickies--and Why Women Tire of Boys Fast

Photo credit:  "Sexy Legs" by Stacey

On Mondays, beginning today, I return to my roots as advice columnist.  Once upon a time I was Carolyn Steele, Penthouse's "Dear Superlady of Sex.'  That was fun.  Some of the questions were outrageous.  So were some of my responses.  I am more worldly and sophisticated than I was then.  Think of me as your Auntie Mame of Sex.

Each week I'll answer the best questions culled from reader emails--starting with these:

Q:  "Why Vibe Week?  Why Vibes?  I think vibes are fine, but no big deal.  Some of my girlfriends have used them, some not.  I know they ALL preferred the real thing, my quality dick," a male "regular reader and fan", 29.

A:  Do you know there is a restaurant in Manhattan called "Quality Meats"?  I can't hear the name without thinking--umm, yummy, strong big cocks.  

Why Vibe Week?  Vibes symbolize freedom and empowerment.  The first version was produced in the early 20th Century, sold by doctor's prescription to "hysterical women."  A lady had to pitch a fit to get a vibrator (or a reliable orgasm) in those days.  The magnificent proliferation of styles and sizes and speeds of vibes on the market today attest to how far we have come; and that is worth celebrating in the month of American independence.

Why Vibes?  They put the power (and control) in our own hands.  Vibes are the ultimate power tool for Babes.  We can take ourselves places we've never been before; and we can take you along for the ride too.  Many women learn how to come by using vibes; many others learn how to come and come and come.  You have industrial strength hardcore porn; we have amazing vibes.  We can make you come too with our vibes; you probably can't do that to us on your porn alone.

Did your girlfriends always prefer your "quality dick" to a toy?  Probably not.  But it's not a competition between your tool and ours.  We want both.

Q.  "Why is my wife so reluctant to have quickies?  Two jobs, two kids.  The long version isn't possible more than once a week; and I need sex more often than that,"  Jay, fellow native Midwesterner, 38.

A.  Women who don't like The Quickie aren't coming there.  She might cite other reasons, some valid--but that's the big one.  And she's not coming because she's not even aroused when you begin thrusting.  If she's not into giving herself a little foreplay before the act, you have to do it for her.  Go to Babeland and scoop up a selection of finger vibes.  The Fukuoko 9000 is a Babeland staff pick and one of my two current favorites, the other, Trojan's Vibrating Touch Fingertip Massage.  When you want a quickie, come up behind her and nuzzle her neck and caress her breasts, letting her feel your vibrating finger on her nipples.  Move that finger down to her clit.  Don't even think about intercourse until she's moaning and humping your finger.  Keep vibrating her as you take her from behind.

Q.  "What am I doing wrong?  I date a woman for three or four weeks.  I think it's going well; and I'm already calling her my 'girlfriend.'  Then I get the email:  'This is going too fast; and I need some time to think',  Why can't I keep a girl past four weeks?"  Beta Male, 40, dating in New York City.

A.  That used to be a woman's question.  Please tell me you aren't sitting around with beta buddies reassuring one another that she's just "scared" of her powerful feelings for you.  Baby, the truth is:  She's not that into you.  Now that women are asking guys out and paying for dinner--and even flying them across country for the weekend--women are also calling the relationship shots.  She tried you on, like a dress in a store, but you didn't suit.  Next time, don't be so available, don't accept every date or answer every booty call.  Let that Alpha Woman think she's got some competition for you.  And spend a little time on self-improvement.  Increasing your income (or producing other visible signs of success) is the surest way to sustain interest beyond four weeks.

IT'S VIBE WEEK AT SEXYPRIME!: Send Me Your Stories, Play Tips and Fav Picks

This week SexyPrime pays tribute to that beautiful invention, the vibrator.  Babes, the cornerstone of my sex life philosophy is:  Every woman should own a wardrobe of vibes and use one daily to reach orgasm, whether she's in a relationship or not.  A woman's Vibe Time is sacred time; and she is a better woman for it.

If you haven't been in a high end sex toy shop or visited a really good website, like my long-time favorite, Babeland, in the past few years, you may not know how varied, elegant, powerful and absolutely thrilling the new vibes are.  From the small and discreet (bullet, Pocket Rocket, lipstick and more) to the Big Mama of all vibes, the Hitachi Magic Wand--they do more than just get the job done.  Even The New York Times has noticed.

Reporting on a new study of vibe use published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, Michael Winerip wrote in "The Adult Store Goes Mainstream" on June 28, 2009:

"...according to the first academic peer-reviewed studies of vibrator use, it is nearly as common an appliance in American households as the drip coffee-maker or toaster oven....

"Even through hard economic times, vibrator sales are up 20% in the last year."

If you like research studies (as I do), click on the link for the studies above and get the results. Interestingly, they show that vibe use is up for men too.  The vibe has gained mainstream acceptance as a couples' toy (or as a shy young male friend calls it "marital aide.")

Vibes were a big topic of conversation at a Booty Parlor event I attended last week, hosted at Gallery Bar in lower Manhattan by Dana Braverman Myers, co-owner of BP with her husband Charlie:

Based in L.A., Booty Parlor--the elite home party provider--grew out of the parties Dana was throwing for celebrities.  She's a delightful little dish, a sexy celeb in her own right; and she radiates enthusiasm for bringing her vibes and other luxury products to women all over America.  I'll be writing more about Dana soon.

Let your own SexyPrime Vibe Week celebration begin tonight.  Thanks to Robyn for kicking us off with that sensuous poem last night.  (Scroll down.)  Send me a sexy story about using a vibe or a technique tip and I'll send you a lipstick vibe.

Enter Babeland's Sex Tip Contest!--Directions From Their Website

More Bang for Your Buck Contest

Have Cheap Sex and Win a $50 Gift Card

We appeal to you, the Babeland customer, for your advice on how to have more sex while spending less money. Send in your ideas on getting "More Bang for Your Buck" to contest@babeland.com. 

We will post the best tips on our website and in our Sex Tips newsletter, and selected entries will receive a $50 Babeland gift card.

Do You Love "Back of the House" Stories?

I do.  Most consumers have no clue what goes on behind the scenes at fine hotels, restaurants, bars, clubs. They may suspect (sometimes with good cause) that vengeful waiters spit on their food.  But that's about all they know.  Some years ago I was involved with a manager at the Waldorf.  The back of the house stories from there were gold.  This one comes from the high end fine dining industry in New York City.  It leads to another discussion on alpha/beta with The Zola.  Each time we take on the subject, we peel another layer of the onion.

Read my guest blog on The Zola System today:  The Butts of the Joke

LILITH RISING: "WHAT TO DO WHEN PUT ON HOLD"

What an amazing power

A pair of batteries can evoke

Flipping a switch

Taking you far far away

Into the space

Your lover knows

So well

Handy little

Purse accessory

Tucked amongst

Compact, lip gloss, and cell phone

Always ready at a fingertip’s notice

If the connection is long enough

Gives new meaning

To Palm Pilot

THE COME FROM BEHIND HAND JOB: A Reader Sex Tip

I've been taking time off this week; and that inspired one of my favorite male readers to pick up the slack by sending in another sex tip.  (If you missed his last one, Bend Over BJ, check it out.)

Here is the new one (and very sexy writing too.)  I love this tip.  You can come from behind and give your guy a hand job when he's in the shower too.

"I experienced The Come From Behind Hand Job on a recent visit to Sin City.

"I hooked up with a friend for the usual night of partying and craziness.
We both drank too much; and, next thing you know, she's sleeping in my bed.  

Photo "Man Looking Outside" courtesy of Ocean Views Photostreaming

"I let her sleep and wandered to the window to look down on the action outside the club downstairs.  I pushed the button, electronically opening the blinds.  Mesmerized by the scene, I didn't hear her sneak up behind me.  She reached down, unbuckled my pants and pulled them off.  Shit, I was standing up in boxers now with the entire wall of windows open!  She slid the boxers down, pulled them off and flung them up into the air.  WTF?

"Then from behind, she caressed my cock and slowly stroked it.  I put my hands up against the glass from the pleasure.  With her other hand, she reached down between my legs and grasped my balls.  She pulled them slightly back and kept playing with them while jacking me off with her left hand.  As she worked the stroke, she pulled my cock lower; and that made it harder and harder.  When I was about to cum, she quickly aimed my cock at the window.  Streams of cum shot down the glass.  She continued stroking it as she moved her body around to the front.  She my cock into her mouth.  Pumping into her mouth felt so good after that incredible orgasm.

"After a nap, we went at it again, this time in the bed."

HEY, BIG DADDY!: Do You Call Him "Daddy" In The Bedroom?

"Daddy Dirty Talk--I Like It, So What?" asks Emily McCombs in a an article on lemondrop.com.  

She's found that "Daddy" is "the one word in the English language "with a singular power over old and young men alike"--but she adds, "if you have the balls to use it."

"Daddy" doesn't roll off my tongue, but I have said "Big Daddy" once or twice.  (The guy had four kids by three women; he deserved it, huh?)  Mostly the word doesn't work for me because I prefer Boy Toys; and "Daddy" might remind both of us that I could be "Mommy."

A gal pal, somewhere in her late thirties, says that she uses "Daddy" but only if her lover is "the gifting type."  Hmmm....that's Daddy, as in Sugar.

Photo:  Lady Anne and the Sugar Daddies

Read Emily's funny piece and weigh in on it in the comments section.  She's got the balls.